Wondering how to effectively deal with a Somatic Narcissist? They are fairly easy to spot and deal with once you understand Somatic Narcissists’ core personality type coupled with information about their thinking style and personal attention-seeking motivations.
“Dealing with a somatic narcissist is the same as dealing with any narcissist. The longer you are in the relationship, the more damage you will suffer. They also lack empathy, have a huge sense of entitlement, take what they want and abuse others for their own purposes…” claims the author of “Somatic Narcissist” by the website Decision Making Confidence.
Somatic Narcissists, by definition, are people with personality disorders that leave their psychology focused on social competition, an appearance of prestige, and interest in power, and physical presentation as an obsession. Whether you have been targeted for abuse by one or happen to be the preferred scapegoat type of a pack, dealing with them is only exhausting when and if we, as their collective “human sheep” style of victims, willingly elect to buy into their crap.
People from all walks of life can fall victim to culturally nurtured toxic thinking ranging from feeling compelled to commit acts of self-injurious behavior in the name of fashion to those who are duped into believing that a bigger price tag on a garment somehow makes a frock into a magically super-powered garment.
Expecting that if they drive the right car, buy the right home, wear the most expensive clothing, or bling the budget can plausibly afford, the Somatic Narcissist will bankrupt themselves and their family members for the sake of being sure they always look more PRICEY than anyone else in the room.
For an extremely dysfunctional Somatic Narcissist to dress to the nines and max out their credit cards paying for the most expensive things they can afford is not uncommon. Whether it be living in a neighborhood that far exceeds the collective family household budget, taking on financed car payment options, frittering away money on expensive liquor, or taking excessively lavish and far-more-frequent than average “vacations”, the ultimate belief they hold and reflect to outsiders looking in and to family members who feel compulsively financially abused and neglected is…
BABY — I’M WORTH IT.
[Yeah, yeah — we know. Resist the urge to vomit in your mouth a little bit when and if you start to realize this truly is their own perspective. They are NOT and yes, we do get it. They don’t have low self-esteem that requires an occasional pro-social commentary to improve. They think they are the bees knees and treat everyone — even the people they admire — like poop.]
But, for folks who live in the REAL world, excessive Narcissism relating not only to vanity with regard to personal appearance but also to self-indulgence is not a character trait to think highly of in any person. People who are self-absorbed, have little to no financial impulse control, and who consistently self-indulge in a wasteful and arguably hedonistic manner are not only shallow and selfish, they are HOLLOW.
Even the sex drive or sexually grandiose image they publicly attempt to foster and cultivate among their doting targets and Flying Monkeys masses is postured. As Decision Making Confidence note, especially when it comes to human intimacy, literally — by the time you do go to bed with one, they always have an agenda or some twisted form of punishing, ulterior motive.
“For many a somatic narcissist, masturbation is preferable to sex with others and the emotional attachment that this involves…” shares the site. “They [meaning Malignant Narcissists or Somatic Narcissist types] may only engage in sex with a partner to dominate them, to show off their physical attributes or to boast about it later.”
Why do we bring such a point up about them in an otherwise purely academic sense?
Because once you start to understand how truly emotionally stunted and psychologically deficient they are to the core, their “alluring” antics and bait fishing techniques are employed to establish themselves socially in a position to be able to hold influence over marks. This knowledge can truly help ANY Somatic Narcissist’s abuse victim(s) break free. Here’s how — and why.
First of all, understanding that whether your toxic mother is a Somatic Narcissist, your uptight Grandma was a covert Somatic, your stuffy father or grandfather who always dressed to the nines (even during periods of rampant poverty during years of hardship, war, or famine was a narcissist, the kid who shows up to school dressed in designer labels from head to toe by fourth grade was the Narcissist, or that pack of mean girls who used to roam the local high school halls making fun of people for their physical appearance were Somatic Narcissists, MAKES NO DIFFERENCE.
The hot bodybuilder guy you met at the gym last week is likely to be a Somatic Narcissist (even if he’s perfectly nice on the surface). So is that guy or girl who developed an eating disorder.
The broad you saw trolling the bar at the club last week dressed like a skank and wandering around the room trying desperately to make googly eyes at any man she thinks might be wearing something expensive or who may drive a nice car is more than likely fixated on status symbols, physical sexual prowess, and obsessed not only with her own but all her prospective narcissistic supply source’s appearance.
It matters not whether the Somatic Narcissist is impressed or repelled by someone who physically gets noticed on their radar. They derive great pleasure from socially shaming, manufacturing socio-economic and appearance-based stereotypical group triangulations, and causing other people pain.
Since MOST Somatic Narcissists have a bit of a sadistic streak, your inferiority complex or social anxiety that arises after you’ve been a target for use, abuse, or social ridicule excites them almost as much or more than when and if someone takes the bait. Ultimately, while they love to have admirers, it’s the pain and isolating toxic shame felt by people they have targeted for emotional destruction that really, truly makes their day.
That’s why negative attention is even worse to give a Somatic Narcissist that positive praise. While complimenting them artificially to humor them is the fastest and EASIEST why to manipulate them, what they are truly seeking is to feel powerful.
Flying Monkeys who support them and Enablers who realize they have personality disorders but continue to use them to their own social advantage are not seen as emotionally satisfying food sources for psychic vampires of the Somatic Narcissist variety. The spike they crave is to compare themselves to a targeted “narcissistic rival” and win on a grand scale, in an utterly manufactured GAME.
The gated country club people who have NPD thrive by socially excluding others much the same way a mean girl clique or a pack of jock boys do to the civic lessers in a juvenile compulsory mandated attendance environment. Little kids are typically their first targets in life, as conformist Somatics striving to blend in with the cultural habits of parents do small scale repeat performances of ambient abuse and situational abuse scenarios they see acted out at home by parents.
Hate Latinos but hire them to manicure your precision landscaped and well-manicured lawn? Here’s your cocktail, Buffy. Be sure to not let those dirty Mexicans see we have a pitcher of lemonade sitting out in the kitchen. Get angry when they drink from the garden hose. Never offer them thanks for their service or a tasty glass of ice covered by a healthy splash of refreshing beverage.
“Not in MY Backyard” or “Stay Off MY Lawn” is their metaphoric way of manufacturing rivalries with people who might not otherwise care or even notice rich people or status-oriented folks exist. Nothing lets a gay person know faster than someone thinks not only are they better than you but they want to be sure EVERYONE knows they think they are BETTER than someone than publically declaring anti-gay sentiment.
By blathering on and on incessantly about how inferior everyone else in the world is socially compared to them, bigots and Somatic Narcissists strive to compulsively manufacture triangulation. Without the compare-and-contrast element of their psychological warfare validated, they are left virtually powerless to “compete” socially with other human beings based on their own merits.
The point Somatic Narcissists consistently miss is when it comes to them, very few people actually (pardon our French) care about their preponderance of merde. If you have zero hard feelings or interest in trying to one-up or better other people, social predators who ONLY focus on manufacturing rivalries and getting off on self-aggrandizing while actively deriding, truly — such people’s subjective opinions don’t impact you, really.
The problem for most preferred targets and scapegoats is that the energy fix the Somatic Narcissist craves is the high of FORCING other human beings to deal with them. Victims are expected to feel ashamed, insecure about their looks, or like they are giant losers simply because that what every Somatic arsehole in the WORLD incredibly vocally DEMANDS they think.
Turn your back and walk away politely? They chase after you, throwing the bait.
Because ultimately, Somatic Narcissism is a PSYCHOLOGICAL VULNERABILITY — a weakness that any smart, non-narcissistic person can learn not only to spot in others, but if they are feeling particularly “over” other people’s narcy bull puckey, can be easily used to unnerve the predator right back emotionally. No predator with a Somatic Narcissist streak succeeds when people stop being impressed by their fake charm and pervasive sense of grandiosity.
Whether it’s a bitchy Mommy Dearest who hoovers and insists on putting their fabulous copycat, faked, status-seeking “parenting skills” above the true emotional and psychological needs of their children or dad treats the entire family horribly on a day to day basis but by god the house is expensive and everyone is always dressed clean and neat, toxic thinkers tend to engulf friends and family members.
The goal is to brainwash people into believing not only is the Narcissist all-powerful and “better” than everyone. [NOTE: something that is the goal of most vertical thinkers]. They want their Flying Monkeys to know to their core that anyone who enables them is never going to be as good as them… while simultaneously encouraging those same folks to actively embrace a toxic thinking belief that aligned with the stronger social predator that the Flying Monkeys are somehow themselves better than or more entitled to human rights respect than other people.
The way to end the cycle of power and abuse is to take away their audience. It might sound simplistic, but truly — if you have one in the family, this is likely to make more sense… but when they make an unflattering comparison between themselves (or their peer group) and others, SHUT THEM DOWN.
Don’t strive to inflate their ego — unless you want to manipulate something out of them.
Don’t tell them how great they look. If they bring up physical appearance? Shift the subject to something more prestigious — like how many hours they spent with boots on ground last week actually helping people who were supposed to benefit from fundraising done for charity.
Eliminate their ability to pride themselves on doing CHARITY WORK by throwing swank and expensive galas to raise money for people who are lessers or more needy than their pack. Watch how fast they attack and start making off-topic, subject changing, ad hominem attacks against you and anyone else they can think to overtly as well as passively insult with their sure-to-be camouflaged, hair-trigger lash back.
Your character is sure to be assailed for daring to suggest that paying for the most expensive clothing, parties, or schools does NOT make children better human beings. In all actuality, all over-spending or overly indulging children does to them is make them prone to behaving poorly, without a sense of true self, and leaves them trapped in an endless cycle of not only thinking their only choice is to live in a world dominated by people doomed to endlessly compete, undermine, and antagonize socially.
All brown people are bad, m’kay? See? And short people and tall people and skinny people and fat people and Christians and people who are not Christians and old people and young people and trick people and poor people and pretty people and average looking people and… and… and… and… AND.
There is always something. If there was nothing to compare themselves to as vertical thinkers, in a socially collaborative world, the Somatic Narcissist personality type is the least likely to functionally be able to contribute anything.
For that reason ALONE… as in looking at them like an AS-IS buyer beware item to purchase…
When they start their socially competitive reflecting, understand all they are TRULY doing is showing anyone smart enough to take them as is, at face value, they’re EMPTY. And who has time to waste worrying about the belief, personal opinions, or lifestyle of folks like that?
The BIGGEST abuse recovery secret kept by so many Narcissistic Abuse survivors is this…
Once VICTIMS figure out they — not the SOMATIC NARCISSISTS — hold all the true power, staring at them with no more emotion in your face than a deer has when facing an oncoming car’s headlights and refusing to give their attention seeking and divisive ploys any true weight is literally the FASTEST way to psychologically and emotionally disengage.
Just remember, though…
When and if you see the headlights illuminated, you have already been DIRECTLY targeted for abuse. Once you understand they don’t care WHO they hurt as long as someone is losing in a competition against them in their own minds and wildest forms of Erotomania-style fixations, depersonalize the abuse.
See those headlights and walk away. High beams shot from the eyes of a Somatic Narcissist are not simply a car about to metaphorically run over you. Their crafty and insidiously self-image destroying barbs tend to leave psychological and emotional wounds on their victims equivalent to having been hit or completely run over by an oncoming TRAIN.
For that reason alone, don’t overlook their verbal lashings… train yourself to observe, make a mental note, and consider it a free hall pass they themselves have offered you. Walk, don’t run, toward the nearest exit when and if you meet a person or peer group promoting socially competitive, grandiose, and self-entitled thinking.
If the Somatic Narcissist in your life is a love interest or toxic family member, understanding that in order to heal from Narcissistic Abuse and to stop being readily manipulated by one playing psychological or emotionally abusive games one must first learn to spot the verbal manipulations before they filter into the subconscious mind. The body of a victimized listener can truly help take back the light they have fed upon while abusing you to your core, by nature.
Follow the lather, rinse, repeat formula when FORCED to deal with one at home, in the workplace, or in any public social environment.
- If you want to keep them away from you and off your back, you HAVE to let them think they have the social and emotional psychological advantage or upper hand.
- Fake compliment them and say anything NICE you can think of to make them feel like they are making YOU feel like someone or some THING less.
- Baffle them with bullshit by engaging in puffery; flooding them with willing narcissistic supply is not as emotionally satisfying to them than when they are attacking an innocent or unknowing target; they live to make other people feel bad about themselves, to lose faith in their own appearance or intellect, and truly get off on making other people feel scared, socially inadequate, or like they are ready to cry or die.
Or, simply do what GRAY ROCK advocates say. Picture a talking BOBBLE HEAD DOLL when and if they are speaking. No matter what the subject, if you realize that the Somatic Narcissist is the person least in touch with reality on the planet (shy of a person who is a paranoid or delusional unmedicated schizophrenic or a person having a true psychiatric break), and suddenly compared only to themselves does the Somatic Narcissists power and prestige slowly but surely start to slip away.
Avoiding them — rather than duping them by proffering praise — is the most socially, morally, and psychologically safe method to deal with folks who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The ultimate goal, however, for a victim seeking to heal from abuse while simultaneously actively striving to disengage, is to go low to NO CONTACT with the person.
Whatever your choice to remain exposed to such a predator, understand it is victims and Enablers who feed their power. If no one paid a bit of mind to them and stopped believing the gaslighting stories nearly every living human being on the planet has been taught about socially competitive thinking being in any way prestigious or a healthy habit with which to self-indulge, the world for a Somatic Narcissist and their toxic peers would more than likely ultimately end up being a cold and alone, “bottom of Dante’s 9th layer of hell” kind of place.
Flattery might get you everywhere, but sycophancy will get you no place. Remember that very real sociological as well as spiritual psychological fact before actively choosing to actively engage.
Some Flying Monkeys and Abuse Enablers tend to think to have a “ride or die” mentality (pledging eternal allegiance to a person or group that espouses Narcissistic values) somehow elevates their own personal level of social prestige or status. Here’s a hint. It doesn’t.
Martyr yourself at the altar of Somatic Narcissism, and realize the only true person who you helped or impressed is NO ONE. That includes the Narcissist themselves, as well as any of their abuse targets, preferred scapegoats, or any of their collateral damage victims.
Hear the noise leak out of their face, think bobble head doll, and DISENGAGE. If they force you to reply and you have absolutely nothing NICE to say, start simply responding by asking them simple questions like, “Why do you ask?” or cutting them off immediately by sharing in one to two sentences or less that while you respect their opinion, you think a totally different way.
Telling them you respect their opinion instead of having the top of your head fly off like the top of a boiling tea kettle might be an outright lie, but it’s a socially appropriate one for any person to tell who is NOT interested in continuing a conversation with a person whose personality disorder traits include persistently striving to make everyone around them worship at their feet or suffer through decades of physical angst and psychologically debilitating abuse-target hell.
Realize that not only do you NOT have to value their subjective opinions, listening to them is likely to cause you to personally, socially, and emotionally pay a price. The more they mislead your thinking processes and encourage you to think of yourself and others in a toxic manner, the more and more likely you are to become like one (as a conforming Enabler) or to pay the ultimate C-PTSD price.
Just a final note for people who were born into Somatic Narcissist family units. While toxic parents, toxic grandparents, and toxic siblings are not your problem or responsibility, your own intellectual behavior is completely up to you with regard to whether or not you are karmically favored by any existing moral authority. He who dies with the most toys wins only makes sense if you are a hedonistic person who totally is into self-promoting while openly behaving according to a socially deviant form of atheism.