Are you wondering what to expect from abusive romantic partners if you choose to enable abuse over time? Expect the same patterns of Narcissistic Abuse to be followed as they seek to love bomb, then to devalue, discard, and come back around to hoover and honeymoon when their other love interests figure out they’re a fraud and give them the boot.
If you seek to enmesh yourself physically, emotionally, psychologically, and socially in a romantic relationship with an egocentric, narcissistic, or Cluster B person prone to betraying hospitality, gaslighting friends and family, and or who is prone to violent behavior or acting like a sex addict, expect nothing more than trauma bonding. You will never be loved, truly appreciated without resentment, or ever loved in a sincerely loving manner.
Here’s the skinny — the more you allow them to abuse or to socially and emotionally take advantage of your goodwill, the more likely they are to escalate the abuse they dish out over time. As neuroplasticity in Abusers tends to calcify over the age of 28 and to intensify over time, if you think staying and tolerating abuse is going to make them come to love and treat you better over time is likely to happen, resist the urge to give cash to strangers seeking to sell you a bridge located in Brooklyn.
The following excerpt describing the phases of the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse comes from the Clark County Court’s Prosecutor’s office… a victim’s rights and social advocacy service organization with lots of helpful abuse recovery insights posted in public to be searched online.
Progression of Domestic Violence
PHASE 1: Pre-battering violence: verbal abuse, hitting objects, throwing objects, breaking objects, and making threats; increased tension, anger, blaming and arguing. When abusers hit or break objects or make threats, almost 100% resort to battering.
PHASE 2: Beginning levels: pushing, grabbing, restraining.
PHASE 3: Moderate levels : slapping, pinching, kicking, pulling hair.
PHASE 4: Severe levels : hitting, choking, beating with objects, use of weapons, and rape by intimidation, threat or force.
PHASE 5: Calm Stage: Abuser may deny or rationalize the violence, apologizing or promising not to repeat the abuse.(may decrease over time)
The progression of domestic violence may alternate from tension building, where the victim is walking on eggshells to avoid abuse, to the apologetic and remorseful abuser after a violent incident has taken place. Each relationship is different.
EXCERPT(S) FROM “ARE YOU A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?” BY THE CLARK COUNTY PROSECUTOR’S OFFICE
Here’s to hoping reading the following insights from a Prosecutor of crimes about the everyday so-called “romantic behaviors” of people who strive to foster trauma bonds in targeted victims helps anyone who reads it to make better or at least more informed decisions about whether or not to trust the core nature of any abuse-prone person.
The highly credible source does a wonderful job of explaining the stages of the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse and the Domestic Violence ritual of an enabled Abuser gaining physical as well as romantic access to misuse, toy with, and to ultimately abuse and or to devalue and discard their brainwashed and more than likely starry-eyed, biologically trauma-bonded lovers.
They explain the progression of abuse and victimization cycles as follows, noting that pattern behavior of Cluster B individuals — namely Batterers and Sexual Predators who prey on willing Domestic Violence targets — is typically the same globally [regardless of people’s race, religious background, socio-economic status, age, sexual orientation, gender, or nationality].
People with Cluster B personality types are always — without exception — socially competitive people who are typically prone to engaging in overt or covert acts of social, sexual, or physical violence. They all tend to blame their victims for their own abusive behavior, claiming that the person they harmed is either psychologically unstable and making up they were abused, that their victims are simply thin-skinned or “oversensitive”, or claiming overtly they are entitled to abuse.
It’s not a joke or being over-sensitive to take concerns about red flags and poker tells of a person with an abuse-prone personality type seriously — what it is is socially prudent to do, to take fears and concerns about toxic behavior that presents as patterns as an indicator that when a person ages they are likely to become even more abusive verbally and psychologically towards Enablers and successfully recruited romantic partners.
Most people who are biologically addicted to trauma bonding swoon telling people about how handsome or pretty their Abuser is, bragging about all the things that are great about them while deliberately overlooking abuse incidents and caustic personality traits in the object of their arguably misdirected affection.
You know the drill if this has happened to you… they stand red-faced and screaming bloody-murder in your face while threatening to do things like bludgeon or strangle you while you stare and think to yourself that you cannot imagine why such a beautiful, smart, or talented person is consumed with irrational rage and prone to behaving like a vicious animal. Or worse — you find yourself only able to feel sexual attraction to them — finding the “chemistry” with a truly kind and physically loving person who is interested in romantically being a supportive partner less physically all-consuming than being with the predator.
All romantic details about sex and lusty honeymooning thoughts aside, most men and women who fall for a Love Fraud social predator trade what typically amounts to 2-6 months of happy memories in exchange for the opportunity to experience what oftentimes amounts to decades of sexual, spiritual, and emotional abuse over the course of a toxic relationship’s lifetime.
If you let a Cluster B person into your bed, expect them to use you for their own physical pleasure with no regard for you as a person — rather than a sex object to be utilized — whatsoever. A common trick they use to keep a target enmeshed with an ongoing relationship to them is to force a pregnancy then to claim it happened “on accident”.
Cluster B people also tend to gaslight targeted victims for extreme psychological and social abuse. They treat other human beings like targets to acquire like objects to use at their discretion without regard to the human rights or a need to treat a love interest in such a way that allows them to function with dignity in everyday life.
If you suffer from something called Cognitive Dissonance about the true nature of Cluster B people, you might view your abuser as a real “catch”, socially speaking. Your person wandering around bad-mouthing you behind your back to their friends and all prospective future Love Fraud targets might appear shiny and bright to men or women who admire a cheater but the pain and social humiliation they cause a kind and considerate lover are truly the essence of the most extreme levels of hospitality betrayals.
If abusive personality types have the ability to financially or to spiritually manipulate targets psychologically, the people who chose to behave like charming and highly charismatic people in public while hiding the fact they ruthlessly neglect or physically abuse the hospitality of their preferred scapegoat targets covertly while overtly striving to harm Narcissistic Rival targets overtly en masse, chances are the toxic thinker is likely to get more socially aggressive about self-promoting sadistically at the expense of others as they age — failing to mature psychologically as well as emotionally over time.
People who abuse the hospitality of others are typically highly socially competitive, egocentric, nurtured and enabled vertical thinkers.
Seeking to boil every social interaction down to them against literally everyone and every… “THING”… else in the world, the only thing a vertical thinkers loathes and resents more than losing are people who seek to create successful and wholly pro-social win-win dynamics during any and every interaction between humans.
Keep in mind when thinking about the core values and goals of Cluster B people that manufacturing chaos and keeping their recruited targets from comparing notes about reality and actual facts with any other person or peer group is essential for their cons to be socially successful. Doing things like manipulating a target into believing the worst about another rival or destroying the social credibility of whistleblowers and truth-tellers, the Abuser positions themselves in the brainwashed mind of a trauma-bonded target as the ultimate authority and source to be trusted.
By constantly engaging in acts of random and seemingly senseless gaslighting and bullying, utilizing push-pull dynamics and withholding of affection to manipulate emotion, and constantly working to estrange targeted victims from any person or peer likely to strive to tell them the truth about an Abuser, they prevent their victims from having trauma validated.
They also prevent targets from being properly educated about things like red flags of personality disorders and common brainwashing tactics used to successfully recruit Flying Monkeys and people to join the Abuser’s Narcissistic Harem.
If you were taught by toxic family members and people in your religious social circles to believe tolerating or overlooking abuse is moral, you were lied to by people who had a vested interested in misleading you. If you were told that trauma bonding rituals were or are romantic in any way or that trauma bonding is the same thing as romantic or unconditional love, you were’ not simply gaslit — you were overtly played for a fool by a Machiavellian and more than likely covert situational abuser or Situational Abuse Enabler.
Understanding that it’s highly unlikely that millions of qualified mental health care advocates and survivors who have successfully escaped abusive love interests, toxic families, horrific in-laws, psycho mistresses and stalking erotomaniacs, kidnappers, people who have survived being held captive, and more tragic instances of human rights abuse than the aforementioned stereotypical subgroups imply are “making it up for attention” and “faking abuse claims” is critical to regaining a healthful perspective about who abuse victims are and why staying involved with a Cluster B person (willingly) is likely to lead to the development of C-PTSD and other stress illness related physical health issues.
Because Abusers who derive a physical sense of pleasure when they abuse or mistreat others are not likely to willingly set limits for themselves about when, where, and how they choose to abuse. The ultimate self-indulgent, sadistic hedonists, if they can say something horrible at the most painful time… if they can devalue, undermine, triangulate, or neglect… if they can physically assault or sexually abuse and not get “caught”… if they can financially disadvantage another person so they themselves can unjustly gain or otherwise can socially profit… the more likely the Cluster B person is to take personal advantage of the opportunity to self-glorify while striving to destroy the social as well as psychological reputation of any person likely to tattle.
The idea that gaslighting gets them what they want tends to dominate the moral conscience of Cluster B people and vertical thinkers. Seeing pathological lying to friends, strangers, children, romantic partners, social media contacts, bosses, co-workers, creditors, authority figures like police and social workers, et cetera positions the Liar to “win friends and influence people” by pretending they are a persona that simply has little to nothing to do with the real.
Targets who are successfully recruited, misled using mirroring techniques to build a sense of trust based on pretending they are at their core just like the person they seek to trick into believing they (as the social predator) are trustworthy, and conned into believing things like smear campaigning against whomever or whatever group the Abuser strives to actively devalue end up feeling a profound state of emotional as well as intellectual confusion about who their Abuser is, in context.
The Abuser who presents as physically attractive, has the ability to make people laugh or smile during tense moments in order to distract, and has a high level of Machiavellianism to their nature tend to be the most successful at both finding Love Fraud victims to con. They are also the most likely to successfully manipulate physical and sexual assault victims they know into forgiving them and giving them endless chances to repeat the abuse cycle in ways that tend to grow increasingly brutal as time progresses on.
If the following cycles of Narcissistic Abuse sound familiar to you, it’s totally up to your discretion to decide when and if you decide to refuse to continue to allow them to take social advantage of you personally, romantically, or professionally.
We’re not saying there’s no benefit to remaining with a person who — for instance — is the family breadwinner.
What we are saying is if the family breadwinner uses something like a threat of financial abuse to keep you too afraid to set and enforce healthy lifestyle boundaries for yourself and your children, that it might be time to do some reading up on brainwashing techniques commonly used by Love Fraud predators to convince someone they sexually mistreat and constantly gaslight about things like their relationship with their exes as well as any proclivities they have for serial cheating (typically without regard to gender if the person is ASPD by nature) to stay in or to enter back into a romantic tryst.
The ultimate attention-seekers obsessed with controlling the mind and emotional psychology of targeted people for fun as well as to derive unjust gains, the Cluster B person — as a lover — is likely to learn how to mimic the physical behavior of a romantic partner while actually behaving like a fox in the henhouse when and if they are allowed through the gate.
It’s up to each and every abuse victim as well as young person to self-educate and learn the warning signs of predators. It’s also up to the victim when it’s time to walk away from a toxic relationship.