Am I thinking like or acting like a Co-Dependent person?
Am I acting or thinking like a Co-Dependent person? If you use people as a means to an end — choosing to enable predatory people for personal comfort or gain — understanding you are acting and thinking like a pirate is one way to break the toxic malformed-NLP-inspired cycle.
Here, proffered — a list of questions helpful for people recovering from PEOPLE PLEASER SYNDROME to self-reflect upon. It’s helpful to ask yourself these questions or similar on-topic inquiries in order to self-identify when and if we are recycling toxic nurtured behavior.
Asking yourself questions like, “Is finding a solution for someone else’s problem truly my personal responsibility or not?” can help you decide when and if it’s appropriate to choose to actively or even passive interact with other people and can be incredibly helpful if one is seeking to neutralize toxic thinking habits and patterns.
Sometimes it is, other times it isn’t. The “trick” is knowing the appropriate social as well as emotional and — above all else — forensic psychology inspired difference.
Learning how to self-differentiate from others without needing to make them into lessers is key to rehabbing our own neuropsychology. Remember the following phrase, mindfully and purposefully.
It’s always about US, never about THEM.
The statement is meant to be EMPOWERING to hear… not diminutive as vertical thinkers tend to project and or to “hear”.
Eliminate co-dependent thinking and mistrust of yourself by using logic to figure out the answer to questions like the ones presented here below yourself.
* Am I responsible to assist another person with a difficult they have that may or may not be my own? Conversely, am I seeking an Enabler to do my social or emotional heavy lifting for me?
*Why am I interacting socially with people who need “rescuing” instead of being focused on giving and receiving social support?
* Why do I prefer to work on team projects alone? Do I actually prefer to do so or am I lacking pro-social support?
* Am I willing to set and enforce healthy boundaries with regard to how I am personally treated in relationships? If yes, what are they? If not, why?
*If I set and establish healthy boundaries with some people and not others, what rubric am I using to assess the difference? Is my boundary setting and enforcing of limits on OTHER people’s behavior rooted in a need to control or is it simply being healthful — showing a healthy respect for self as well as other’s?
*Do I harbor a secret belief that in order to be a good person I must overlook people who do things like gaslighting to self-promote at my own or other people’s expense or tolerate abuse without saying a word or expressing complain when and if I notice that it’s happening?
* When someone abuses or takes deliberate advantage of my hospitality without even thinking about or considering my personal or professional needs or feelings, do I lower the bar and let them keep abusing — or do I seek a healthful way to stop enabling?
* Do I seek validation and CLOSURE from or with people who meant to hurt me deliberately or who lack the neurological ability to stop themselves from perceiving all social interactions as something competitive (rather than as an opportunity to share mutually beneficial and ultimately collaborative fellowship?
* Do I feel personally responsible when someone Cluster B throws a temper tantrum to get their way or to emotionally and socially control the biopsychology of others for their personal gain, pleasure, or “at the sole expense of others” profit?
* Am I seeking to control other people so I feel like I am worthy or somehow just in a desire to dominate — or am I asking to be treated with the same respect and civil courtesy that I show to others?
* How do I feel when someone tells me NO or decides to live their life in such a way that makes it impossible for me to interact with them in a safe physical or emotional way? Do I act as if I am entitled to do or say things that are harmful to them in order to con myself into believing that by abusing THEIR hospitality somehow I benefit personally from acting hostile, callous, or socially jerky?
* Why do I try to make people with compromised neurological function related to emotions perceive me or the world around them in a more emotionally “intelligent” way — especially if I am the one feeling miserable after being abused or neglected but they get a rush of pleasurable emotions from constantly engaging in willfully socially abusive, neglectful, and or persecutory behavior?
* What have I done for and by myself lately? Am I afraid to be alone in the world? If so, what is the root cause for the fear — understanding that figuring out who told you to think or to believe X, Y, or Z was likely to be a caregiver who interacted with you long before you ever set your foot in your first or second-grade classroom?
* Have I done a self-inventory of beliefs that help to understand the origin — as well as how long the toxic thinking pattern has been running scripts in my head, neurologically compromising me personally while impacting myself and others socially?
* Do I trust people? If so, who… for what reason and why? Are they the type of people who are untrustworthy in such a way that’s predictable? If so, have I read up about their behaviors that can help me to identify such types of predators? Are there also kinds of human minds that are prone to striving to create win-win situations and who seek to be ACCURATE (rather than “right”) when communicating with others for the sake of honoring and respecting the concept of truth? Do I know how to pick trustworthy people out of a group? If not, what steps have I taken to actively learn how to differentiate between the two coupled with how to maintain relationships with those individuals by nature who are pro-social and good?
* How do I really feel about the people in my life? Are some people in it because I am afraid to be alone and I use them as a means to abate my own fear? Or are they individuals I can trust who are of quality nature, meaning they lead healthy lives and seek to affiliate themselves on a personal level only with those who are interested in giving back as much or more than they “get” by their own impulses of human nature?
* When I HAVE an emotion, do I know how to describe it? If so, have I done so in public or to a witness who will hold me emotionally and medically responsible for processing it in a healthful manner — regardless of whether or not the emotion I experience is positive or a self-perceived negative?
* What have I done lately to ensure my own neuroplasticity remains FLEXIBLE?
* How much time do I physically allow survival instinct driven neural responses to overtake my mind? How much TIME do I allow to pass when FIGHT mode kicks in? Do I allow my FIGHT mechanism freeze in my mind in an open position?
* Am I stuck in a hyper adrenal flush — trapping my mind in fight, flight, freeze mode — reacting based on nurtured instincts no longer healthy or helpful to my own or anyone else’s survival?
* Is what comes out of my mouth as vibrations that present as WORD CHOICE accurate (meaning true and being presented in a clarified, socially complete and appropriate way)?
* Is what I have to say something that adds benefit to the world or does it in some way improve the life of a listener and or of a reader if they grok the gist of what I am saying?
*Am I being honest with tact or just being brutal with word choice because I have not thought through the likely result of my word choice’s impact?
* Have I weaponized honesty — turning words into weapons that heighten emotional, psychological, and social brutality?
* Before proffering caustic or critical commentary… have I asked myself — Is what I am saying TRUE (in context)? Is it NECESSARY for me to say — meaning, are the people I am seeking to communicate with on a need to know basis about my assertion of interest?
* Am I responding to a social prompt to enter into some form of combat or to seek for a listener to validate my intellectual and emotional worth or to even acknowledge that I am a self-differentiated person with a healthy and normal level of pride and or ego?
* Is what I am about to say healthy, necessary, helpful, and kind? [Because if it’s NOT — might be time to intellectually self-reflect, to hold my tongue, and or to do an emotional reaction rewind.]
* Am I able to make a decision trusting my own intellect and gut without needing to have another human being lend their “approval” to what I am doing?
* Am I able to seek mentoring without feeling a need to make an appeal to authority?
* Do I prioritize expertise in a healthful way over those seeking to act like fear mongers or who strive to dominate?
KEEP THE FAITH AND EDUCATE. Narcissistic abuse recovery is POSSIBLE.
Print this one to post in everyday sight or bookmark and share the article to hold yourself personally and publicly accountable for the intellectual and emotional behavior you, yourself alone, choose to allow. Go gray rock, metaphysician, in order to observe and heal thyself.
DISCLOSURE: The author of this post is in no way offering professional advice or psychiatric counseling services. Please contact your local authorities IMMEDIATELY if you feel you are in danger. If you suspect your partner, a loved one, co-worker, or family member has a Cluster B personality disorder, contact your local victim's advocate or domestic violence shelter for more information about how to protect your rights legally and to discuss the potential benefits or dangers of electing to go "no contact" with your abuser(s). Due to the nature of this website's content, we prefer to keep our writer's names ANONYMOUS. Please contact firstname.lastname@example.org directly to discuss content posted on this website, make special requests, or share your confidential story about Narcissistic Abuse with our staff writers. All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.
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