Welcome to Flying Monkeys Denied.
Welcome home, Narcissistic Abuse targets, whistleblowers, and scapegoat victims.
You have successfully found the official home page of the online social and emotional support group for “Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Flying Monkeys — Oh My!” (TM) on Facebook.
If you are reading here for the first time, welcome to Narcissistic Abuse RECOVERY.
Whether you are seeking advice on how to deal with a toxic friend or family member, hostile workplace environment, or abuse recovery in general, this gender-neutral self-help website is DEVOTED to the rational, academic discussion of “Narcissistic Abuse”, “Cluster B” personality disorders, “C-PTSD”, how to go “Gray Rock”, “No Contact, and (of course) their “Flying Monkey” enablers.
We’re not Narcissists, Sociopaths, or Flying Monkeys… we’re Empaths.
Why do we share the good news that narcissistic abuse recovery is possible? Because all the members of our writing staff and social media care team have themselves been scapegoated, bullied, targeted, harassed pervasively, cyberbullied in an extreme manner, stalked, have experienced extreme trauma, or are the adult children of toxic family members.
If you find our page offensive because we share articles that are solely to promote victim health and comprehension, we want you to know…
We couldn’t possibly care any less [to the best of our human ability not to emotionally or socially enmesh with toxic people or the emotions they create]. But, it is what it is… and we strive to be community-minded and socially responsible people… so we keep trying to elevate spirits (our own as well as those of others) and we persist in our rampant do-gooding despite social ridicule from people who lack the emotional intelligence to understand why we are indefatigable.
This web page and related social care media project is owned and operated by Narcissistic Abuse victims who have made the conscious choice in life to refuse to enable… and by the grace of the Internet Gods we strive to maintain an ethical commitment to focus all our staff, volunteer, mod, and consulting attention on helping folks who have been abused, been victims of violent crime, and/or who have suffered some form of trauma at the hands of Abusers and their Abuse Enablers.
Our page is for the victims of the 1 in 25 people who make everyone around them suffer and capitulate to their egocentric needs and irrational demands.
We have little to no patience for people who partner up knowingly with stronger abusers in order to self-promote then are dismayed when and if their relationship proves to be based on nothing more than love fraud, trauma bonding, or gaslighting issues.
People who are horizontal thinkers find great wisdom presented in our staff and guest writers’ articles. Those who are vertical thinkers tend to become enraged when and if they actually bother to read any of our posts.
Because we prefer to tell human beings the factual, rational, and pragmatic truth. Fearing exposure of covert activities and loss of Narcissistic Supply, our articles tend to enrage active Abusers and their situational abuse Enablers.
What are Flying Monkeys?
Narcissistic Abuse SURVIVORS call Domestic Abuse and bullying Enablers Flying Monkeys for one very specific and helpful reason…
Because the phrase inspires memories of the winged monkeys in the original “Wizard of Oz” movie!
People aware of bullying and despise it in all its forms have referred to abuse enablers as Flying Monkeys for that very reason since 1939 when the film first appeared.
Enablers act abusively towards everyone they came into contact with in an attempt to please a Malignant Narcissist. Technically speaking, they are even more karmically liable than overt abusers themselves.
Once you figure out their personality type matches the pattern, it’s almost impossible to view them or abusive people in a more serious way.
The term “Flying Monkeys” became symbolic in pop culture, representing the winged ape-like primates who actively do the bidding of a more powerful Wicked Witch or evil, controlling ruler.
Narcy people tend to flock together in predatory packs, striving to impress their role models on their quest to make themselves feel powerful — something more than they actually are…
Enablers strive to be legitimized, praised and be a valid social success. However, in truth they are nothing more than aspiring predators at best; all meet the social and emotional criteria of weak Covert Narcissists, noting that covert is the psychological term referring to men or women that our grandparents and great-grandparents probably referred to as people with “Passive-Aggressive” behavior.
The term FM was adapted for use by self-help advocates to use due to the compelling imagery in the 1939 classic film. It featured actress Judy Garland (the mother of Hollywood icon Liza Minnelli) and has been heralded as one of the greatest films ever made since it first debuted long before the middle of the 20th century arrived.
It has since been used to describe those who have been conned by the Narcissist into doing their evil bidding.
The phrase “circus monkeys” tends to refer to a family of performing monkeys, high wire actors and flyers by nature and nurture as narcissistic peer group members who compete with one another and against all others while living life moment to moment thinking they are competing with anyone other than themselves when and if they exhibit pack mentality or behaviors.
How to spot the red flags and warning signs an emotional predator is in your midst.
Primarily, Flying Monkeys enable abuse by continuing to show social, financial, and emotional support for abusive personalities. In many cases, a Narcissist, Sociopath, Narcopath, or other domineering and toxic person will use them to relay hurtful, intimidating, or “trigger” messages to a victim. Here are just a few of their more common narcissistic abuse tactics:
- They are routinely recruited as spies for the evil-doers.
- Most love watching from the sidelines while other people are physically damaged or socially destroyed by the Narcissist’s abusive victimization tactics.
- All will readily proclaim, “There are two sides to every story!” as their excuse while fundamentally ignoring the dominant figure being the source of chaos, harm, and social dysfunction.
- If there is a pitchfork or a torch around, all enjoy the act of mobbing (or bullying scapegoated targets who are outnumbered or powerless).
- No group is quicker to overlook red flags and warning signs a target is being abused or that a perpetrator has a bonafide Cluster B personality disorder;
People who bait, covertly manipulate, manufacture chaos, and triangulate all can and should be considered Narcissistic Abuse perpetrators.
While they may seem like nice people on the surface, when left to their own devices they actively and passive-aggressively pretend not to notice when overlooking things like bullying, targeting, scapegoating, drug or alcohol abuse, problem drinkers, perverts who use and abuse others, and domestic violence.
They themselves participate in mobbing, and they seem to love standing on the sidelines watching bullying. They are the classic schoolyard loser kids who stand and encircle a scapegoat child so that a bigger bully can pummel or humiliate a weaker or more helpless (and most likely) terrified little kid.
Flying Monkeys enjoy mobbing.
Flying Monkeys (above all else) are predictably shallow, self-interested, predators with a pack mentality. They thrive on creating, manufacturing, or vicariously enjoying witnessing other people’s pain and suffering as follows:
“The more Narcissistic Supply recruits their ring leader has, the more they tend to engage in the act of Mobbing while going on social and emotional pitchfork and torch style attacks.” — @NSFM_OhMy
Historical personality traits of Enablers include (but are not limited to) the following attributes:
- They are all frightened of her but for some ungodly reason are still willing to do her toxic family bidding.
- Behind her back, all of them [babbling baboons, included] openly report gossip about her to anyone who will listen.
- Then, they run straight back to their ringleader to bad mouth the person they were just trash-talking with about how much they despise their evil, ugly, controlling, shallow, and petty dim-witted boss.
“It is truly disconcerting the backstabbing and infighting amongst narcissistic peer groups. All anyone knows is despite how much they truly do hate her, as long as she still has her broomstick in hand, ready to fly, they are her devoted lackeys and servants — slaves of their own free will choice to enable social predation, serving at the pleasure of her sadistic spite for their perception of social advantage and person gain derived from socially supporting her caustic, emotionally caustic, and destructive aims.” — @NSFM_OhMy
If you are a daily or weekly visitor, we greatly appreciate you helping us get the word out about #NarcissisticAbuse with your ongoing post shares and social media likes.
What does Cluster B mean?
Cluster B personality disorders have been described since long before the creation of any Old Testament, Koran, or New Testament Bible version.
While ancient cultures painted pictures of wicked creatures with fantastically terrifying forms and figures, more modern civilizations told stories about people who, for whatever reason, acted monstrously to friends, family, societies, and or neighbors.
People who have been involved in the Domestic Violence underground railroad movement (of sorts) have plenty of proof that slow activism helping to re-educate dysfunctional families [with faith, perseverance, and tenacious introspective analysis] can and does actually work.
“Such caustic or toxic personalities may, during life, have exuded a sense of domination, victory, or artificially inflated prestige. Most meet with an untimely demise or find themselves without the care or companionship of loving people in their later years (the years beyond which senior citizen’s can hold community power or enjoy the benefits of youthful physicality).” — @NSFM_OhMy
Such caustic or “toxic” personalities may, during life, have exuded a sense of domination, victory, or artificially inflated prestige. Most meet with an untimely demise or find themselves without the care or companionship of loving people in their later years (the years beyond which senior citizens can hold community power or enjoy the benefits of youthful physicality).
Learning how to parent your inner child can help speed up the healing process.
Learning how to re-parent your own inner child and take responsibility for how much you let other people control you can help speed up Narcissistic Abuse Recovery.
The moment you feel your buttons being pushed, know that chances are you are either reacting to a negative situation properly (by being upset and angered justifiably by a person who knowingly is trying to bait, control, or otherwise manipulate you) OR that you yourself have uncovered a new personal trigger.
Either way, simply the act of recognizing the hot button can be helpful.
“Feel the feels…” as the Spartan Life Coach Richard Grannon so eloquently suggests then do whatever is necessary to depersonalize the personal attack (in the Zen-like sense).
Try to observe your emotional process while it happens, feeling emotions like grief and anger without feeling the need to self-criticize like your abuser and his or her Flying Monkeys all seem to suggest.
Trust yourself and your own personal gut more than us. But let us first disclose this…
You are indeed accurate if you find your Abuser or a problematic person’s behavior suspicious. If they are indeed overtly or covertly a Cluster B person [which one in every twenty people or more by the year 2020 actually physically medically on a brain scan statistically are likely to be], then the only reason they want you thinking that you are overly critical of their toxic behavior patterns is to make you doubt that you are worthy of being treated with respect so they can excel at abusing your personal time and hospitality without social consequence.
They are indeed pulling a social scam. You are the target of Hospitality Abuse 100% of the time if and when you are interacting in any way with a narcissist or with any form of communication material they have created if and when you seek to socially enmesh with one or to emotionally entertain them.
Narcissistic people actively seek to con friends into thinking you are emotionally unstable while gaslighting and conning you socially into believing they actually care about you.
Be who YOU needed as a role model when you were younger.
Learn how to parent your own inner child.
Engage routinely in radical acts of self-care when and if you are functionally able.
Always remember to PAY IT FORWARD. Break the silence about Narcissistic Abuse issues to end the epidemic of victim shaming.
Play the role of a mentor when and if you have expertise in a particular domestic violence or workplace bullying area. But don’t martyr yourself for the sake of others.
Be brave. Ask for help, emotional support, or mental health counseling anytime you need. Never underestimate the value of talking to a helpful, wise, or supportive stranger or understanding friend whenever you feel like your soul might be in need.
Narcissistic people are the ultimate con artists. All pathologically lie about themselves, to one another in a narcissistic peer group, to their own romantic partners, children, the authorities, and other family members.
It’s part of the cycle of Narcissistic abuse, the desire to love bomb followed by a private devalue. Relying on you to keep the secret you are being abused is their habit. They trust you to protect their image out of loyalty while they know the truth is, most victims keep the abuse and domestic violence they suffer privately from a sense of fear.
Break the silence before C-PTSD starts to negatively affect you.
Victim and Enabler silence is an abusive person’s most effective weapon. As such, one of the most important things to keep in mind if you find yourself being abused is to remember staying quiet seldom helps you.
Keep in mind that your silence or passive complacency tolerating or overlooking narcissistic abuse truly is the abusive person’s most effective and potentially lethal way of harming you. It is their goal to psychologically and emotionally vex the people they target for pervasive abuse.
If you are being abused, cyberbullied, stalked, or harassed, understand that it’s crucial not to minimize the abuse’s effects. Narcissistic Abuse is physically debilitating as well as financially limiting.
After all… who can be expected to succeed personally or professionally in career or lifestyle goals when people are constantly trying to sabotage or thwart their progress?
Not only is enduring abuse physically taxing due to the overwhelming emotional distress, but it’s also psychologically debilitating to endure.
Because targets, scapegoats, and victims that have been repeatedly betrayed, abandoned in their hour of need, or painfully targeted for abuse almost religiously by sadistic, “Situational Abusers” simply tend to collapse from nothing but pure physical, psychological, and emotional fatigue over time.
C-PTSD is a conditioned and complex form of PTSD, with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder flashbacks coupled with a victim doubting their own goodwill or sanity.
When you suspect something to be true in your gut or see something with your own eyes, then another human being tells you that you must have misunderstood or imagined it, after a while abuse targets tend to simply give up on believing that their own subjective experiences were things they perceived as factually right.
Abuse victims are told daily that they are overly sensitive, crazy, and that they have “wild imaginations”.
All legal and moral accountability for causing pain or harm to their targets and collateral damage victims is overtly denied by perpetrators who then fetishize watching their trauma victims socially and spiritually agonize.
After being told that things you witness with your own eyes or moral crimes you have physical proof of are all in the victim’s imagination, smear campaigns are typically publically as well as professionally enacted.
The serial cheater’s wife, for instance, or a child abuse victim will be profiled as an emotionally unstable, hostile, and irrational, psychologically deficient, and mean-spirited aggressor.
The husband of a woman who has control issues might be stalked and hunted by her every day while she hawks his every move, but the more dutifully he strives to check-in and account for his whereabouts, the more likely she is to become verbally or physically abusive if he fails to meet her constant attention-seeking demands.
Her number one goal as an attention-demanding Narcissist is to be considered the sole person in life who deserves his attention.
That means in order to please her, not only must he forsake all other human beings romantically and socially, but he’s expected to forsake his own self-care needs as well as prioritize her irrational needs for attention over things like his own personal safety, medical health, comfort, or career.
A child of helicopter parents might be the best, most loving, and hardworking young adult or high school student on the planet, but the parents are likely to try to micromanage every minute of the child’s time while deriding them in private for failing to measure up to the family standard for academic achievement or social standards.
Once C-PTSD issues set in, it can take a lifetime — even completely free from contact with an original Abuser — for a victim’s physiology to heal and their mind to recover.
It is the same physical and psychological condition healthy and normal people develop after being kidnapped, tortured, incarcerated in a dangerous or high-stress environment, going to war, or have (in some way) been repeatedly traumatized.
While Abusers stay busy conning everyone who will listen to their smear campaigning that you are mentally unstable, a pathological liar yourself, or something far worse, the average target or scapegoat only knows that they are starting to feel worse.
The cognitive dissonance of living with a person who clearly has a personality disorder tends to be immense.
Lured in by love bombing, enmeshed by trauma bonding, and held captive by the belief that staying involved with a family member or romantic partner who abuses is the morally correct and socially appropriate thing to do, the victim will tend to report all the glowing characteristics of their Abuser(s) while minimizing the effects of the very real social and physical harms that they do.
Victims staying silent about things like workplace bullying, domestic violence, and sexual abuse only allows them the freedom to act like situational abusers then sabotage your reputation with regard to your mental health status while making an ongoing covert argument behind your back about why you failed to report their behavior to the authorities, family member, co-workers, and personal friends.
Every day you willingly decide to keep their deepest, darkest secrets hidden while you protect both themselves and you from having your names in the local gossip pipeline is one more 24 hour period they have to scapegoat you and tarnish your public, social and psychological reputation.
You are always walking on eggshells and it’s always a dance. Once your ego and will to live without their affection or social approval is completely repressed or extinguished, that’s when Enablers hit rock bottom while we “make” Alpha social predators the same way the Mob makes their own version of Wise Guys.
Expect Narcissistic people to deny having abused you.
More so, though, preparing to steady yourself for an onslaught of smear campaigning, them patently lying without remorse to every person willing to lend them an ear or shoulder to cry on while they flat out make up stories to embarrass, isolate, then to pervasively strive to socially, financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and psychologically destroy you.
This is all par for the Narcissist’s playbook course, the Machiavellian, socially competitive agenda coupled with a hellish drive to demand a “loser” in every social situation.
Sadly, how hard a kind person strives to please a socially competitive thinker, all are essentially doomed to failure.
The ONLY — and we do mean ONLY — thing a Cluster B person loves more than positive attention is negative.
Understanding this fact and keeping it in mind, that the core values of a socially toxic and aggressive person or peer group are NOT the same as other humans, can truly be the ah-ha realization that helps save YOU from agonizing further about, over, or in any crisis situation.
Once a person realizes that narcissistic people are VERTICAL thinkers, it’s easy to see why they are so difficult to work with and socially harmful.
Vertical thinkers are just that. In order for a trickle-down social-economic theory to work, a system placing them at the top while leaving everyone else’s fundamental human rights they step on in the dirt, they crown themselves the great Leviathan kinds and queens of the universe.
Life enmeshed with toxic thinkers inevitably ends up becoming just as philosopher and writer Thomas Hobbes once said. Namely, feeling NASTY, POOR quality, BRUTISH, and SHORT.
Refusing to overlook or enable Narcissistic Abuse does not make a person disrespectful, selfish, or rude. Remaining enmeshed with toxic thinkers is the spiritual and moral equivalent of committing passive suicide.
Death by a thousand paper cuts does not make one a moral person, showing respect for themselves, one or many Gods or spirits, or other people. It makes you feel as if you are about to go crazy.
But you are not.
Are you a confused mess in biological stress due to being exposed to gaslighting and an overwhelming amount of toxic NLP?
But cray-cray from duress is not the same thing as being functionally a psychologically unstable person who is incapable of telling the truth from reality when people around them are being HONEST.
While Cluster B people tend to act like Pack Predators or Jane Goodall’s primates, Empaths tend to emulate ants.
All Cluster B people suffer from the belief the world and everyone around them in it is obsessed with social competition. They have no idea the rest of the humans have evolved biologically into collaborative people.
You see, all Cluster B people and the vertical thinkers who are prone to enabling them are the only people who are technically insane. As in morally insane — not lawfully of incapable of caring for themselves, but unable to be trusted to behave pro-socially towards others.
We build and assist one another. The social competitor functionally can’t.
Name-calling their victims and ridiculing people for expressing complex emotion is the most obvious poker tell of someone with a personality disorder.
Cluster B people and their Enablers act as if they can hardly wait to name-call their victims or people who have been traumatized by their deplorable social malfeasance “lunatic” for thinking somehow the subjective opinions of moral criminals prone to pathologically lying, torturing other people socially or emotionally, or harming others in the interest of self-promotion for personal profit or gain is somehow looked upon favorably in this lifetime or any spiritual form of an afterlife by systems thinkers co-creating in any way.
Was that a long sentence — probably grammatically incorrect?
Probably… but understand this — people who are neurotypical seek to read and to listen with the intent to understand others. Those who are HSP (meaning Highly Sensitive Personalities) are likely to have high IQ and even higher EQ… the pesky intuition and ability to process complex emotions in a healthy manner the way people with personality disorders simply can’t.
Horizontal thinkers — namely Empaths, meaning people with high levels of giftedness and emotional depth, and biologically HSP folks with the capacity for deep levels of introspection — are those most likely to be codenamed PEOPLE PLEASERS.
People Pleasers, unlike co-narcissist co-dependents or masochists, tend to perpetually seek to create win-win social situations for themselves and all the people they encounter in life.
In a toxic family unit, children of Dark Triad parents who net gain the recessive EMPATHY GENE are the most likely folks to be targeted for use and abuse as scapegoats.
An Empath can be easily vexed and thwarted by a toxic thinker. Why? Because Cluster B people and those who aspire to be more (rather than less) like them only hate one thing in the world more than LOSING.
If an Empath is able to successfully create or come up with a WIN-WIN solution to any social issue or scenario, nothing is more offensive to a toxic thinker or abusive Narcissist.
Because Empaths are typically drawn to Psychopaths, Sociopaths, and Dark Triads due to our own exposure to them as totally helpless and psychically dependent infants, we tend to A) draw them to us like moths to the light and B) to be easily psychologically or emotionally manipulated into following NLP programming scripts used by our family to brainwash us into tolerating neglect or willingly and without complaint taking abuse like an emotionally starved, naive and trusting young child.
Come out of the cave and step into the light.
Once an Empath or emotionally sensitive person has the truth revealed, everything that happens in life after that tends to illuminate in the perfect reveal.
By learning all you can about the red flags and warning signs a Cluster B predator or a toxic thinker prone to behaving like a Flying Monkey is in your midst or public eye, one can learn how to depersonalize their cleverly constructed, emotionally and verbally abusive words.
Like watching a magic trick that USED to fascinate you… once you learn more about how to identify things like Ad Hominem attacks, Love Fraud, Love Bombing, Mirroring, Hoovering, Appeal To Emotion, Trauma Bonding, and Gaslighting, all of a sudden even the most covert personalities among them start setting your newly discovered spider-senses alight.
If you are new to reading self-help literature — welcome.
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We hope you will find you’ve saved yourself a ton of heartache, anguish, and wasted time by reading our website “cover to cover” thoroughly. Please do check out our list of favorite Narcissistic Abuse recovery videos saved and sorted by comfort theme lists by clicking the button on the upper right-hand side of our website, follow us on Facebook and Twitter.
Then, sit back, relax, and don’t forget to enjoy the ride.
We’re baking cookies, sipping our lattes (made with soy milk and whipped cream — despite the seeming dichotomy, of course), and will be right here waiting for you once you return.
Contrary to what most of us drawn to reading literature about abuse issues tend to fear, on the other EVENT HORIZON side there are no rugs being pulled continually out from under our feet. There’s also no sign of an oncoming TRAIN anywhere.
We’re awake, we’re clearing the sleep from our eyes, and we’re NOT “paying” attention.
What all humans have the gift of doing is being able to work together like ants but show one another love, affection, and unwavering psychological and emotional support. Hurt people don’t HURT people.
Hurt people who are not socially or emotionally competitive with anyone but themselves strive to heal.
And once we do, we pay forward the deal.
PLAYING IN TRAFFIC
Anonymous Jones et aI for the writers and staff of Flying Monkeys Denied
Thanks for reading, sharing, and for validating.
PLEASE NOTE: While we do not condone GENDER BASHING, please note that many of the articles presented may choose one gender-specific pronoun for simplicity of presentation. If and when a pronoun is being used to point out a characteristic of any person who happens to have a personality disorder, our writers and contributors strive to make it known that the example will seldom be useful when cross-applying to the opposite gender variation standard by norm. Want to know more about the everyday process of learning how to go “Gray Rock” or “No Contact” with abusive people or Narcissistic emotional vampires and predators? Sign up today for email notification about new blog posts and register to receive news feed updates on your favorite social media websites like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.