Bullying This Just In

What hurling insults reveals about the Verbal Abuser

Insulting remarks are words chosen by a Verbal Abuser to be specifically disrespectful and or scornfully abusive. Verbal Abusers reveal themselves when they bully others. It is the ultimate con to hide their own insecurities by focusing people’s attention on their targets in order to distract them from noticing the flaws of the Social Predator. 

People who insult others — especially when the insults are calculated to do maximum damage to anyone who they happen to offend — tend to be compulsively codependent attention seekers of the most juvenile and obnoxious of all human adult forms. The more malignant a person is socially and also dysfunctional neurologically (either by genetics, illness, or trauma) related to processing complex emotions, the more likely they are to use words to hurt rather than to create a safe place for themselves or for anyone else who interacts with them socially. 

Even Don Rickles was kept at a distance from most people in his personal life as his particular form of Autism and nurtured, monetized, over the top nearly Histrionic habit of blurting caustic remarks for attention and to control conversations brought so many non-psychopathic others in his world nothing more than a desire to grimace when he spoke to or about them. And he was nice as pie otherwise, according to those who benefited most from enabling him to use his words to insult others who made him feel insecure personally or professionally. 

The more Somatic the person choosing to use their words to do harm, the more their insults are likely to focus on things like social status and appearance of a target. If the target is handsome or physically pretty, expect their looks to be caustically remarked about constantly in an effort to bring a person’s esteem down about the bad actor’s Narcissistic Rival.

The person being targeted for insult, mocking, and deliberate social abuse need to do nothing to bring on the Social Predator’s wrath but to simply exist and to breathe. The Verbal Abuser reveals everything about their own insecurities and what they were mocked for (more than likely) when they were a child with every insult hurled at or about their social abuse targets. 

Parroting ugly insults they heard elsewhere that either hurt them personally or that they witnessed being flung effectively at someone else’s social target is the low EQ modus operendi of the Verbal Abuser. If the target does not immediately realize the person the Abuser is actually insulting is themself and they personalize the insult, a lifetime of self-esteem damage or spinning the victim of the Hospitality Abuser into a shame spiral deferring to the gaslighting claims of the Social Predator is oftentimes the gross lifetime result. 

Big Sister gets picked on by a toxic father about the looks of her forehead, chin, figure, knees, ankles, feet, her weight, her hair, her skin color… whatever… then goes on to ruthlessly ridicule her younger siblings and other people from the time she’s in elementary school continuing forward through her adulthood claiming they are somehow aesthetically abhorrent. Big Sister is wildly insecure about her looks, her figure, and about how other people perceive her so when someone else rivals her for the affection of Daddy or of a love interest or even of general social attention her go-to response is to strive to psychologically harm whoever she feels is her rival while seeking to decrease other’s people’s esteem or affection for her target. 

Understanding the target is not the primary social stimulus causing the verbal attacks to ensue is key for the victim and Narcissistic Abuse recovery advocates to know. The victim reminds the Social Predator of something painful in their personal past so they lash; they don’t see the target as human anyhow, so insulting and using words to harm them is simply the Verbal Abuser’s idea of fun and intentionally harming humans for sport. 

Moreover, victims of social predation by a Verbal Abuser need not have done anything to deserve the insult in the specific. An attractive person — the more popular, famous, and in general well-liked by others — is the likely first and foremost thorn in a less attractive or Collapsed Narcissist’s mind to knock off a social pedestal. Graphic imagery, words spoken aloud, and items typed all are forms of communication that can be used by Cluster B individuals and their Enablers to insult and to offend prey. 

If you are normal and have healthy EQ as well as an average to above-average IQ, insults tend to make bodies physically cringe upon hearing. If you are raised to seek the affection of socially predatory people, you might strive to overcome whatever the Abuser claims are your flaws in order to please them or to “deserve” relief from social torture. 

If that is you… wondering what you could change about yourself or your appearance or your lifestyle to please a Heckler, stop yourself. Stop now. Don’t delay. You are fighting a losing battle with someone who seeks to have medical control over your mind, your time, and your emotional interior as well as over your social behavior. 

Pleasing a Verbal Abuser won’t work. The better you are as a person, as a parent, as a professional, as a sibling, as a child or as an adult child, or as a school mate the more likely you are to be singled out for social and verbal abuse by someone who wishes they were more like or actually were you. 

Stop trying to please them! Stop turning the other cheek and stand your moral, spiritual, and physical ground. If they think you are deficient in some way, real or imagined, stop valuing the Social Predator’s opinion. And for the sake of your health and of your DNA, don’t fall into the trap of striving to be so nice or so passively non-responsive that you expect them to stop. 

Even GOD cannot do enough kind acts for such people or be non-socially threatening enough. If they get an eyeful of someone who they fear is better than them or liked by others, expect the Malignant Somatic Narcissist to be the first to start blurting remarks that are filthy, insensitive to collateral damage victims, deliberately triangulating the target with anyone who might love or like them, and designed to leave psychological, social and emotional life-crippling scars in the mind and genetic body of their victim. 

If they are on the Antisocial Personality scale, expect them to say the meanest thing they can think up to hurt their target. Looks, weight, sexual orientation, sexuality, intellect, social status, career, life skills, medical health, mental health, romantic relationships, physical weaknesses, money, wardrobe, shoes, body shape, background, taste in art, or intellectual pursuits… you name it. All will be targeted for mocking and derision by a Narcissist, Malignant Narcissist, Sociopath, Histrionic, BPD person, Psychopath, and or by a Machiavellian Dark Triad who gets off on socially harming others and then on watching them in agony. 

If the target complains or anyone shows them sympathy, the Social Predator is likely to respond if caught by pretending they were joking — claiming while gaslighting and smear campaigning the victim that the person injured, “has no sense of humor”… while typically adding a layer of insult to injury over the top to say directly or to imply that the person they harmed deserves the abuse and that the Verbal Abuser is to be praised for the clever way they harmed or “got one over” their prey. 

If you are insulted by a Psychopath… be careful. Whatever they see in you and take their precious time to point out is likely to be an insult that they worked on for a while. Machiavellian to the core, Cluster B people with Psychopath (rather than simple Narcissistic or Anti-Social Personality Disorder) persuasions tend to really put a great deal of thought into the insults they strategically dish out.

For instance, a mistress calculating what she says about her lover’s wife to her lover in order for him to feel ashamed of his betrayed but otherwise significant other. Or worse — a grandparent or step-parent or co-parent of a child making caustic remarks to insult and offend the birth parent of a youngster with the deliberate desire to make the child ashamed of their own DNA and to alienate any natural affection the little has for the targeted parent by shaming them for loving their own blood and ancestry. 

Insults are common from bullies on schoolyard playgrounds. The most offensive of all Verbal Abusers tends to come from family units riddled with social and emotional dysfunction. Oftentimes such conversational control freaks come from backgrounds where adults were drug addicts, alcoholics, or violent.

Every time they speak to targeted others and use their words to harm, they reveal everything about their own upbringing and parents as well as what they fear the most in and about themselves. 

That is the key to overcoming the abuse — realizing that issues with drugs, alcohol, and genetic FAS [Fetal Alcohol Syndrome] combined with caregivers to children who nurture BPD [Borderline Personality Disorder] intentionally into their young to make them efficient and effective Social Predators as adults — cause the biological tissue in Insult Mongers’ brains to become malformed in a socially caustic and medically deviant way. The mood in individuals who use words to harm others is impacted by what their mother ate, took, or drank… by who raised them… by who hurt them in the past (especially when they were an infant or very young child)… by what they ate, took, or drank on any given day themselves, by whether or not they have suffered head trauma over the years (including accidents, sports, falls, and during abuse incidents in childhood, teen years, or adulthood), by their current stress factors in life, in timing with triggering incidents that cause them to escalate or to regress, and depending on the neurochemical mood of the Social Predator any given moment of any possible day. 

People who bully are simply not right in the head. Knowing that… 

Would you be mad at or take socially seriously a Dementia Ward patient with frozen neuroplasticity hurling insults at you or would you realize they are projecting and mentally prone to revealing things said to them or about them that hurt them when they were younger? That they are parroting while revealing the poor interior quality of their nature and their own lack of fundamentally pro-social character? Not unless you are Cluster B by nature and nurture… because healthy individuals don’t allow the rantings of mentally compromised to do them emotional or personal harm.

Depersonalize their hate speech as much as you can without minimizing the impact it has on your time, emotions, and medical health. Be compassionate with yourself (understanding that being insulted is insulting and being offended produces toxic neurochemicals to pump directly into your — not anyone else’s — anatomy) and plan self-care accordingly. But while depersonalizing… hold the Verbal Abuser (at a distance) humanely accountable. 

Limit their access to speak to or to access you directly or indirectly as much as is humanly socially and technologically possible. Remove yourself from any environment they enter. Do not stick around to be abused and never engage in tit for tat remarks hypermagnifying their social or physical insecurities or flaws. Be immune to their verbal jabs and tart remarks.

Feel sorry for them only to the degree you personally do not surge any neurochemicals resembling angry. Toxic neurochemicals do harm to the physical brain… and if you indulge in emotional hedonism and allow yourself to start slinging verbal assaults back — no matter how good it might feel to go on the offensive — you are only taking actions that do harm to your own neuroplasticity. As such, use your empathy skill set to realize how much is intellectually and medically appropriate to personally dish out in response or to take in from a person choosing to use toxic word choice to emotionally and socially medically embroil you to enmesh with them. 

Having compassion that includes limiting how much someone normal values the blurts of a Gaslighter making Ad Hominem remarks or comments to alienate, triangulate, or to poison the well [Poisoning the Well] as an accurate jury of civic reality is what it is… never an excuse to overlook or to functionally enable abuse. But, nonetheless, an elemental reality that impacts the societal whole — noting words blurted by Abusers or by kind people tend to work on society the way a stone pitched into a pond makes ripples of concentric expanding consequence touched circles. 

A child who is the parent of a mother who found a father so loathsome that she had to drink to copulate is likely to give birth to a child with temperament issues. Children born with FAS are most likely to be the ones in the schoolyard issuing the first classmate or teacher insulting verbal blurts. They are like children with learning disabilities that are untreated, likely to blurt insane remarks like “Math is Stupid” to hide their own neurological insecurities followed by insulting the looks, age, or voice of their teacher. 

How do children of toxic parents who beat them when they were children or smacked them in the face or on the head a lot when they were very young grow up to be unable to control socially deviant and arguably anti-social blurting? Blurting is a sign of TBI — with a note that whatever a person tends to hide from others about themselves or at their core is what tends to come out after a head injury strikes. 

Traumatic Brain Injuries [TBI] can cause people with ugly interior minds to blurt truly awful and hurtful things out of the blue. Kind people blurt compliments, mean people or those who are scheming or conniving and hiding emotions like jealousy or envy will tend to say or to impulsively type and publish the ugliest things they think about other people… revealing their early childhood grooming in the process. 

A child of a parent who grooms toxic shame about appearance, for instance, is likely to grow up to be a Somatic Narcissist pervasively fixated on their own appearance and inadequacies while constantly comparing themselves to other people. If the child grows up and learns to hide toxic emotions related to others, post head injury they are likely to blurt what they actually think and feel no matter how harmful, just plain mean, or irrational.

If they are raised in an atmosphere of violence (social or physical), expect anyone with a TBI that is unresolved or un-managed to blurt violent statements, ugly insults, and outrageous claims or demands at or about their target or targeted groups coupled with BPD Temper Tantrum behavior that is likely — if fanned or fueled by any Enabler — to lead to the physical as well as social, psychological, and emotional harm to their victim(s). 

Once a child who suffered at the hands of a Verbal Abuser while learning to emulate toxic adult human behavior becomes an adult, expect them to be a huge fan of triangulating relationships between others, of tormenting targets socially until they break, and of kicking their victims even harder if and when the Social Predator suspects or knows that person might be socially, medically, or emotionally down. Alienating affection typically afforded to their very human Preferred Scapegoats is their parasitic desire — clinging to the leftovers of anyone who they can recruit to look down on or to think poorly about their Narcissistic Abuse victim. 

There is no esteem in using words to hurt other human beings. Only socially violent behavior being exercised and, sadly far too often, such abuse dished out by a Social Predator and overlooked does deliberate multigenerational and permanent trauma dent damage to the overall genetics and fabric of human society. 

For this and a million-plus other obvious reasons… 

If you see someone who talks crap about others or who engages in rituals mocking or insulting while striving to alienate their targets from others… stop esteeming or valuing the Insult Comic’s opinion. They are clowns who lack the neuroplasticity to compete with their rivals on an equal social, physical, or academic footing. 

The best advice is to call them out to shame them for every nasty spin or remark if you are forced to live around them until they stop… unless they are violent. If the Verbal Abuser gets mad when bested in an argument or is likely to turn physically violent when and if they do not get their way (as many with FAS, BPD, and ASPD or Psychopath personality types tend to do), back away from the situation. Do not laugh, do not encourage them, and show them their hateful or nasty and socially divisive remarks are off-putting rather than likely to engender them social or emotional esteem in your eyes. 

If you are not impressed with how clever the insults being hurled at victimized targets is coming from the mouth or typing mind of an abuser, understand the power you have to refuse to interact with the attention-seeking acts of the Hospitality Abuser. Because all the person blurting the ninny ninny nanny boo boo con wants is to feel powerful and bigger in social status than they actually are, anyone who laughs at the caustic humor or at the “Mean Girls” style verbal barbs, jabs, and taunts become the Abuser’s Flying Monkey by freewill choice the minute nothing about the comment is said to correct it or if and when someone chooses to laugh at the faux joke or at the person who was the butt of the nasty individual’s blurted reveal about what makes them — not the target — feel personally insecure. 

What hurling insults reveals about the Verbal Abuser is you already won whatever the imaginary argument or game they played with you in their head. Once they open their mouths or type hateful remarks, know bullies are social con artists who are already a giant loser in their own head. They strive to distract other people from noticing how deficient they are when it comes to being an actual socially valuable human. 

 

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DISCLOSURE: The author of this post is in no way offering professional advice or psychiatric counseling services. Please contact your local authorities IMMEDIATELY if you feel you are in danger. If you suspect your partner, a loved one, co-worker, or family member has a Cluster B personality disorder, contact your local victim's advocate or domestic violence shelter for more information about how to protect your rights legally and to discuss the potential benefits or dangers of electing to go "no contact" with your abuser(s). Due to the nature of this website's content, we prefer to keep our writer's names ANONYMOUS. Please contact flyingmonkeysdenied@gmail.com directly to discuss content posted on this website, make special requests, or share your confidential story about Narcissistic Abuse with our staff writers. All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

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