Dearest child abuse victims who have been hung with the label of Borderline Personality Disorder by therapists who were under-informed and paid by wealthy parents to enable.
Please understand we are not, not, not saying that an abused child cannot grow up to develop BPD or to become an Abuser… but what we are saying is if one fails to inform therapists or medical care providers and they allow an Abuser to come to counseling, that the victim is likely to be misdiagnosed psychologically.
Respectfully, many people who have C-PTSD and are raised to be narcissistic by nurture tend to be misdiagnosed as Borderlines. Once they realize that their behavior is a choice, then and only then can they start factoring into their own consciousness how their behavioral choices negatively impact themselves in all reality far more than they actually impact self-aware and pro-socially educated others.
With that said — thank you for sharing an insightful and compassionate note. We hope you are able to let go of the desire to enable, however. No one has indicated a BPD person who strives to improve behavior is someone to be “punished”.
All we are saying is that if and when a person with legit BPD realizes that they have the ability to break behavior habits taught to them from birth to age four and trained to work with a Pavlovian response that they — THEY — (not their victims or preferred narcissistic supply sources) have the ability to hold themselves socially as well as morally accountable.
BPD forms between birth and 18 months. It hinges on attachment issues coupled with being TAUGHT that when they behave poorly or in an abusive, tantrum-infused, dictatorial, all consumed egocentric ME ME ME manner that the humans around them will capitulate to their demand for control and attention.
Folks who have BPD have the ability to stop rage on a dime by choice. WATCH what happens when they are situationally abusing their preferred scapegoats.
If a neighbor or authority figure shows up, they tend to pull Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Tantrum behavior stops immediately, their rage and blustering turns to playing the victim, and they have the presence of mind to self-promote while they gaslight and lie.
That is NOT pro-social behavior. It’s making free will choices to use verbally and socially combative posturing and pretending to be the victim after they initiate the most irrational and morally insane of hospitality abuses against friends and family who strive to include them in social gatherings and to be nice.
An NPD social predator abused by an ASPD is likely to develop C-PTSD but to use the fact they were abused or neglected to justify their raging self-indulgence and constant attention demanding Machiavellian ploys they use to keep other people perpetually worried about the BPD person’s personal rage issues.
If a person who is BPD by NATURE (meaning their neurochemistry lacks the EQ to comprehend why pitching a fit to get a candy bar in a grocery line when you are two might appear to be a successful strategy to get one’s needs met) shows a willingness to utilize the same TACTIC to get what they want when they want it regardless of how their demand impacts others… and you have a narcissistic BPD prone to blaming shifting and demanding that they be treated with the same level of respect and social hospitality as well-mannered and socially considerate others.
Having the ability to be nice as pie when they chose — then throwing temper tantrums to get their way not because they are really mad but because it’s a habit they learned before age 4 was effective — is typical Borderline behavior. True Borderlines are able to pick and chose when to behave — such as in front of police or in court.
Someone who is NPD + CPTSD + Borderline by HABIT is likely to take on ASPD-PSYCHOPATH traits as they chronologically age. Post age 45, the wild and crazy party persona that appears to be so deeply sensitive simply from a forensic psychology aspect (throughout their 20s and 30s) is likely to calcify neuroplasticity and to habitually use verbal and emotional abuse tactics on targeted victims who are guilty of no other crime than caring for them and realizing that they are — for whatever reason — the type of person who must have their whims catered to at all times, lest they use rage and screaming at targets while making the grossest social demands for capitulation to attention-seeking antics against their supply sources.
Walking on Eggshells is EXPECTED and DEMANDED of any person socially enmeshed.
Anyone who happens to notice that the BPD has the ability to stop screaming or breaking things when the police arrive is accused of being mean, smear campaigning against BPD people, or a liar… but typically only by BPD seeking to victim shame and who will do or say virtually anything they can to OTHER members of the BPD community to convince them not to do their own self-help work.
Why does this happen — BPD feeling that being told they are able to improve their own life quality by striving to emulate pro-social rather than anxiety generating abuse habits likely to cause them to BE abandoned?
Less from malice, we suspect and more from the fear of being outed and held morally and socially accountable. But it is historically been the Narcissistic BPD person most effective con — telling prospective enablers that they are entitled to emulate ASPD-Psychopaths when and if they don’t get what they want.
The rage and verbal assault tactics they learn to use to control other adult’s emotions and to keep all eyes focused on them while they are pretending to be in distress is usually mastered around 18-36 months. If no parent ever took the time to properly socialize and all their friends and family capitulate when they pitch fits or are scheming and attention-demanding on a whim, the person spends a lifetime mired in their own toddler bullshit.
NPD is UNTREATABLE. BPD is a different metaphoric spirit animal. BPD is MANAGEABLE to the point that simple occasional reminders from friends and family to remind them to realize that if they are the metaphoric rock dropped in a pond that they make unintended consequence ripples can help them stop estranging people.
Narcissism and people who behave with callous disregard for other people exhibit grandiose and egocentric traits that are nurtured. The greatest fear of a BPD is being IGNORED… followed by being functionally abandoned. Correlate emotional waves before an incident that triggers the habit of reacting or responding to social prompts by ABUSING the hospitality of other adults, fix the problem.
Pretend that a BPD person lacks the ability to manage their temper in front of people they RESPECT as authority figures, and the gaslighting ruse of the BPD person’s egoistic driven self rages on. Enable a BPD person to continue believing they lack the power to choose, deny them the social opportunity to heal their own infant form of C-PTSD that actually makes them prone to self-indulgently abuse.
If this post causes you to feel fear or to rage… let that be okay… but use your words to describe your emotions on paper before you speak to anyone.
If you are not a strong writer, use your phone to record yourself on video. Thinking through what’s triggering that reaction can help you make more sense of this thing.
If you feel better having someone listen while you talk, sit in front of a mirror and have the discussion while the person who is listening stands or sits off to the side.
Listen carefully to your own word choice. Make notes while you are intentionally allowing yourself to express emotion that creates a record of your own NLP.
Then, if you do or say something even you do not like, you will have a chance to spot and to subsequently be empowered to identify and stop your own socially destructive or personally caustic thinking habits.
The next time you find yourself feeling concerned with abandonment issues or you find yourself throwing a tantrum to get your way by acting dictatorial — stop yourself. Decide if the way you are choosing to behave by free will choice is the kind of peer or person you want to be.
If you were a toddler who pitched a fit in a line at a grocery store and your parent gave in to your demand for something like a toy or a piece of candy, understand that their underparenting (rooted in egocentrism) left your inner child with the impression that if you want something you are entitled to behave in ways that traumatize others in order to have your own need met at the social, emotional, physical, and spiritual expense of theirs.
If you find yourself manufacturing chaos because when everyone is happy and relaxed, you feel on a core level that the quiet or peaceful atmosphere feels unfamiliar, understand you have your first real clue.
Waking up to the reality that most Cluster B people tend to create the same social environment during their adulthood that they themselves were exposed to when they (you) were little can help you unravel your own tunnel-vision inspired issues.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BPD, take the time to investigate your own forensic psychology.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BPD, take the time to investigate your own forensic psychology — especially if your parents were and are abusive.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BPD by a person who was personally paid by your parents or anyone who socially supports them… and your parents are Cluster B by nurture or nature or a combination of both?
Expect the therapist’s diagnosis to be heavily influenced by them blame-shifting and gaslighting.
What was the social environment like with you were an infant?
Where was or were mom? Dad? Siblings? Housemates?
Where were Nannies? Who were your babysitters?
What do you or your parents know about the personality types and personal life of your daycare providers?
Who had access to you as a child? Note anyone you remember but seek to find out factually accurate historical information about who was around you and speaking or neglectfully absent in those crucial formative years — placing special emphasis on finding out all you can about your own home life and daily exposure to other human adults and other kids between the time you were born and when you were shuffled off to kindergarten.
Grandparents or anyone with custodial or babysitting access?
If you are functionally unable to answer these questions, understand you may be the victim of pervasive gaslighting. People with biological BPD and other nature-inspired or Cluster B personality disorders are so arrogant and unwilling to read self-help material or to take it seriously are the personality types most likely to be considered UNTREATABLE.
If you have C-PTSD but were misdiagnosed, the chances of you being kind to most but being triggered into PTSD meltdown by a glance or a word from an abusive family member or one of their enablers is great. So great, actually, that behavior is likely to be perceived by love interests, misguided but true friends, and authority figures like police and therapists as if you are wildly out of control of your emotions.
Moreover, if you are the kind of person who claims you are entitled to abuse others by subjecting them to verbal abuse or physically terrorization, understanding that while the tantrum behaviors indicate BPD, what you are actually doing is behaving like a person with nurtured Oppositional Defiant Disorder — the childhood condition that eventually is the foundation of full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Anyone over the age of 12 is old enough to be held socially and morally accountable for themselves.
Having been abused or emotionally neglected as a child is not a hall pass to abuse your Abusers or to behave in such a pervasively egocentric manner that you feel you have personally earned the “right” to socially use and abuse other people.
The core of true Borderline Personality Disorder — in stark contrast to having C-PTSD and a tendency to trigger and go into PTSD inspired meltdown — is a desire to attention-seek. Deriving a feeling of emotional security from prioritizing your own needs over the needs of all others is a pattern that stems from a parent who ignores an infant unless it is crying.
Wake yourself up, do the self-help research, and pull yourself out of indulging the habit to behave in ways that not only monopolize other people’s time unjustly but that truly abuse their hospitality.
Child Abusers who are Dark Triad tend to abuse their children so pervasively and relentlessly psychologically that when a toxic therapist or social service professional enters the mix, they abuse by proxy the parents targeted child further.
If they are found out and outed for duping a therapist or for hiring a Cluster B psychologist to help them promote complacency and Stockholm Syndrome in their own child, they tend to continue the ruse throughout the duration of their natural born life.
The only children and adult children of toxic parents who figure out their Machiavellian game are those who are properly educated.
Willingness to self-reflect is essential. So is cutting the cord with abusive people and all their enablers in order to have the privacy necessary on a purely biological and psychological level.
Seek out people who have personal experience with parents who gaslight and abuse the mental health care system in order to hide the fact they have been abusive. They all tend to strive to convince school teachers, daycare providers, authority figures, and all family friends that if the abused child seeks physical help or emotional comfort after being traumatized to treat them if their right to compassionate care is not theirs.
Dark Triad parents who abuse in private then lie in public will do or say anything to undermine the social and psychological credibility of their victims.
By making sure the child believes there is something fundamentally wrong with them — as the abuse victim who the parents cons into believing they (as the aggressor and hospitality betrayer) are entitled to abuse — the toxic parent net gains tons of sympathy for their false victimization claims.
As the child withers, the toxic parent — including Mommy Dearest figures and their Enabling Henchmen — create non-stop toxic shame problems for their offspring. They remain in complete psychological control of their child, therapists, and social service professionals mind when and if everyone willingly believes their lies.
Acting in good faith, many therapists in the past six decades have been conned by child abusers into creating lifelong trauma issues for adolescent patients.
Resist the urge to take advice about what to do, say, or to think from any Cluster B person or person who, while seeking pay, is willing to Abuse By Proxy.
The professionals who miss the clues that an adult, adolescent, or young child have been beaten, starved for affection. verbally abused, pervasively under-parented emotionally, sexually abused, or physically neglected have done and continue to do massive harm.
By refusing to educate themselves about the symptoms of C-PTSD, most medical health and mental health providers give the worst possible advice to victims of all ages of human beings who were born to parents who have Cluster B or who were exposed to social predators during their earliest ages of youth.
As a further aside for aspiring Psychology students and Social Psychology Development researchers… BPD tends to form between the age of birth and 18 months due to a child not having their physical emotional needs met typically by an egocentric or non-diagnosed postpartum mom.
If the diagnosis is made, understand that the Borderline person has the ability to learn socially appropriate ways to self-soothe once they become aware of triggers and use logic to get a handle on coping skills they developed to net gain the attention of an otherwise detached or physically aloof caregiver or parent.
With so many children dumped into daycare in infancy so parents can both pursue their career goals, expect generations of children from Gen X to Millennials to show signs of psychological and emotional neglect that was REAL.
We promise — unless you are NPD with C-PTSD as a comorbid condition, if Borderline Personality traits developed, with mindful behavior any self-reflective and interested human is likely to be able to assume social and emotional responsibility for their behavioral choices.
Do a self-check and if you realize that you have been duped and mistreated that how you choose to respond to triggering social circumstances and your own feelings of social anxiety your experience in infancy happened to create that you are likely to be able to heal yourself consciously as well as to improve all of your social, professional, and personal relationships.
Get yourself into a bath with Epsom Salt regularly to help rule out anxiety caused by Magnesium Deficiency, then strive to limit contact with toxic or socially abusive people.
If you want to foster BPD and become a highly successful, hospitality abuser — refuse to self-reflect. Avoid the Epsom Salt baths that could ease physical feelings of social anxiety and tension.
Add alcohol or drugs used to self-medicate to ensure your behavior in the eyes of the people who love you the most is truly likely to harm yourself and them most. Then, claim that you are entitled to act like an abusive monster because someone abused you or neglected you when you were little.
We promise every BPD person on the planet who refused to self-reflect or to self-educate about how and why Borderline Personality traits form to begin with is guaranteed to spend their lifetime feeling out of sorts and needlessly blaming other people.
Be as mad as you want for our staff and mods advocating for you on your own behalf… as doing so rules out true BPD and helps us more accurately advise your victims that you are an egocentric, gaslighting, narcissistic hospitality abuser likely to use and abuse without conscience while compulsively socially dominating any person or peer who strives to interact with you as loving, kind, or supportive people.
We’re all who we decide to be.
Of all the Cluster B personality types, people with BPD are typically the most charismatic but dysfunctional of all — as they are the only people who have the physical power to wake themselves up and decide to be more kind and empathic people. Realizing other people’s feelings matter as much as their own is step one to learning how to self-moderate behavior.