Enabling Henchmen are fathers who help Narcissistic Mothers abuse. Whether they are targeting their own children, relatives, housemates, neighbors, school teachers or faculty administrators, their local hospital staff, or the Walmart Greeter, they tend to do or say whatever horrible thing will help them win the favor and sexual affection of a mean-spirited person who gets off on celebrating their own power while they control their man. Their pleasure seems to derive from watching him do horrific and unspeakable things he might not ever think to do normally while they watch him sadistically torture a person. It is — by definition — a truly co-dependent relationship with both parties mutually responsible for fanning the morally reprehensible flame.
Parents who are Co-Narcissists oftentimes will enact certain ritualistic abuses on their children as a form of foreplay. If the mother insists that a child is out of line or has caused what she perceives to be a narcissistic injury, the child will be punished unfairly for the alleged crime. No need for proof or a jury trial — a child’s innocence or begging and pleading only increases the toxic maternal figures pleasure in watching her devoted henchman do her bidding. The more she exhibits a look of pleasure and sexual excitement, the more the father is likely to over-punish while checking to see that her micro-expressions are those of delight rather than empathy, care, concern, or moral shame.
After a child is sufficiently traumatized, the parents tend to retire to have some alone time and do their thing. Children of such emotional predators should consider themselves fortunate if they do not actively recognize the signs of an abusive parent set getting off on celebrating other people’s victimization and oftentimes extreme physical pain.
The “private time” and “time for us” in a family home where parents love their children and strive to help them thrive is not at all what happens in a family where the parents are toxic and the home is essentially run like a kingdom under the rule of an oppressive Matriarch. In her attempts to dominate, her excessive testosterone level may put her psychologically and even physically on par with men, but in most societies, feminism is frowned upon. As such, a mother who enlists an Enabling Henchmen father to beat, ridicule, terrorize, scream at, or physically harm a child (whether through willful neglect or spiteful and punishing physical or sexual abuse), many times has a Covert Narcissistic streak that helps them behave in private like a tyrant but still save face when and if she heads out to volunteer head up the local Girl Scout Troop, Country Club ball, charity event, or PTA.
Private time for the Malignant Narcissist and Enabling Henchman consists of sporadic and infrequent sex in passing, usually only happening after he has satisfied her sadistic streak in some way. They might have loud, grunting sex within a tortured, abused, neglected, and traumatized earshot while she effectively sings his praises for how he “handled things” but most often they retire to have a great laugh and canoodle. Again, jokes and ridiculing insults are coupled with bragging loudly about how much they really taught that boy or girl a lesson he or she will never forget.
Truly, as parental figures, such people with a known propensity for narcissistic behaviors or Malignant Narcissism should never be encouraged to breed. If they do, the best thing that could possibly happen to a child is to have them removed from custody as early as possible so they can get the help they need so as not to take on the personality traits of their parenting role models. Children abused in this manner might be quiet among friends and family members… but be sure to understand — they (we) are out here in mass, struggling through the murky waters of trying to recover from excessive trauma that begins for some people at birth and continues the pattern well into their Adult Child of a Narcissist phase.
As such, if and when a child ever reaches out to you about being sexually, physically, psychologically, socially, or emotionally abused by their parents, pay careful attention. A two, three, or four-year-old child is unlikely to be “making things up” about their home life. Parents who are abusive, on the other hand, are likely to do all their can to protect their public image. They will actively lie to protect their reputation and will smear campaign a target child who is the family scapegoat without mercy, empathy, or (again) moral shame.
Such people will be the first to claim a child lies, is a “difficult child”, has “mental health issues”, is simply “attention seeking”, and or is simply unaware of what their comments mean. God help a child who tells the truth about their parent or parents abusing them. The helpless child is left in their custody — in the custody of situational abusers who REALLY have a reason to punish them for acting like a tattle tale and exposing family secrets.
Adult Children of Narcissists who talk are oftentimes completely shunned, ridiculed, and isolated by their blood relatives, extended family members, and people who are “friends” of the abusers. Because abuse seldom tends to happen in public, the charming Narcissist and her narcissistic enabler counterpart are often seen as the one maligned. All the child was most likely doing was following the advice of a friend or school teacher who encouraged them to share their story. When they put their toe in the pond to see what will happen, the psychological consequences of A) having their true story invalidated completely and B) to witness the gaslighting is nothing short of psychologically devastating.
But that’s not the most hurtful part. The most troubling part is watching their abuser continue to get tons of positive social and emotional attention — knowing that they are and were active abusers, knew full well what they were doing, and that due to their charismatic nature that helps them to be more efficient social predators THEY ARE SOCIALLY REWARDED BY FLYING MONKEYS FOR ABUSING THEIR OWN CHILD while they continue to lie for their own best interest.
Watching a parent lie and manipulate others is absolutely brutal for children of narcissistic parents to have to endure. Not one does it cause them INORDINATE AMOUNTS OF SOCIAL, EMOTIONAL, and PHYSICAL PAIN to see a villain succeed, it shakes their faith. It rocks them to the core because not only do they have to witness people with pure evil, spiteful, manipulative, and cruel nature in their heart destroy not only their past, children of such toxic mothers and horrible father figures have no way to defend or protect themselves.
Truly, watching the predators win by estranging, banishing, and disinheriting an adult child, the child has to sit through watching them not only invalidate their entire psychological, physical, and emotional past… but leaves them socially and emotionally isolated. The adult child must then watch helplessly and with horror while that same parent who ruined their childhood destroy their current family while effectively stealing an adult child’s future support system from their life.
Why do they do this?
It’s in their nature.
Why do toxic friends and family members fall for the con? They don’t. Chances are they believe the abuse victim. However, the more narcissistic they are (especially in a Covert Narcissism sense), the more likely they are to derive pleasure themselves from watching the fireworks.
Finances motivate narcy people, too. If one adult child in four is written out of a will in a family, for instance, then chances are for the others there will be more.
As such, the Malignant Narcissistic mother — one who is likely to have promoted sibling rivalry throughout her brood’s childhood, will tend to appoint a golden child to the family. They will dote on one who becomes a conformer, ridicule and compare another to manufacture needless triangulations, complain about a rebel, and shun and socially sabotage the “lost child”.
The Enabling Henchman, meanwhile, will do whatever it takes to avoid the female Narcissist’s wrath, silent treatment, stonewalling, or domestic abuse themselves. As long as they get what they want and their wife/mother/matriarch is “happy” they are content to throw their own child or children under the wheels of the proverbial Karma bus. They’re the same fellows sitting behind the wheel who come back around for a double tap to ensure the child is sufficiently maimed, victimized, or maligned publicly whenever they think it will improve the odds of improving Mommy Dearest’s daily mood.
With luck, parents like this divorce or one of them dies. For the rest of the children who are forced to deal with such horrific role models and parental figures, chin up. Narcissistic Abuse recovery IS POSSIBLE.
We’re not going to lie and say it’s something that has ever been or will ever be easy to endure, but it is possible. In that hope, remain strong and pay attention to those who claim they are the victims of a child. People who engage in making “false victimization” claims re-traumatize the victim and seldom if ever show any legitimate signs of distress. The victim is likely to have a health history that reflects having C-PTSD (a conditioned form of PTSD) and Stockholm Syndrome — trying desperately to be validated so they can help their abuser.
The victim is likely to be a people pleaser. The abuser is likely to be a Dark Triad force supported almost exclusively by other people who themselves are either long-term Enablers or themselves historically have shown signs of either being drug addicts, alcoholics, or themselves having Cluster B personality disorders.
Unless the son or daughter has or had Childhood Conduct Disorder themselves and was socially and emotionally ruling the roost, chances are they were simply a helpless and naive miniature human targeted for domestic, social, emotional, and/or “no telling” physical or sexual abuse. Kids who develop Histrionic personality disorders are likely to be able to feel empathy but strive to emulate a Malignant Narcissist mother. Those who turn out to be Narcopaths tend to pattern their behaviors after the Enabling Henchmen, seeing his covert willingness to comply with the stronger personality’s demands as somehow virtuous.
Admittedly, the Enabling Henchmen is oftentimes the abused or harangued target himself. With low self-esteem on a personal level, he’s likely to be a stereotypical bully, short-sighted and self-promoting in his thinking (to protect himself from her), and to work countless hours like a slave while returning his paycheck in full to an angry and “unpleasable” her.
Children of such families, therefore, truly are birthed not to help create a better, healthier, stronger, kinder, or more loving populations. Children are BRED to use, abuse, take advantage of socially, emotionally, and eventually financially while the cunning Narcissistic Parents inevitable seem to manage to thrive will covertly or overtly bullying and conning in a desperate attempt to get their way.