How to leave a narcissist.
Step one — understand walking away means planning to lose not only their half of the money and personal possessions, but also your own.
Know they will do whatever it takes to destroy you socially, financially, psychologically, physically, and emotionally — more so if THEY were 100% at fault for the demise of the relationship (not less).
Expect zero help financially, physically, or with moral support; offering closure or remuneration to a victim is something a Narcissist resists, noting that even the process of grief will be interrupted repeatedly in order to make sure a target does not have it.
Step two — Plan your budget based on your own ability to produce income — not theirs.
Understand if you set your budget based on what you yourself can cover that you will never end up short; conversely, if you expect alimony and child support and rely on a dime to pay your bills that you yourself will have given them a highly effective manipulation tool to harm you directly each and every month a payment arrives late or never comes in.
Step three — Prepare to have your heart broken as they will perpetually strive to estrange children, family members, your entire emotional and social support network, and friendship circles from you with bonus points for their own ego if they can throw a home-town very public smear campaign into the mix.
Step four — Child support is a CHILD’S right — not a parents… but understand a narcissistic parent will refuse to pay it even if they logically understand this; they will do everything they can to make a CHILD suffer in front of a custodial parent if the custodial parent is not them in order to hurt their former mate at what ultimately becomes the child’s expense.
Expect the Narcissist to refuse to care. They see children as possessions to use and abuse at their discretion. For that reason, children will be used against a former love interest like a weapon.
And that’s it in a nutshell. Leaving a Narcissist takes patience, a spine, and perseverance. When and if the Narcissist in YOUR life does or says crappy things that it’s one more confirmation of your suspicion they have a personality disorder.
They all follow patterns. Easy to provoke, they are also easy to test.
Once you test them, it is not your fault if they choose to behave poorly. Give them all the opportunities in the world you need to confirm your suspicions they have a personality that is egocentric and aggressive with regard to acting like entitlement — but stop there.
Narcissistic people get away with abusing people because more often than not, victims keep letting them. Draw a line in the sand that expresses clear, logical, sane, and rational boundaries. An 80 percenter will respect it and will strive to respect your needs and expressed wishes.
Narcy people — at their core — are sadists who derive pleasure from making people uncomfortable, seeing other people in pain, or who get off manipulating other people psychologically and emotionally. How much they enjoy it depends on their temperament.
Narcissistic abuse and enabling patterns are role modeled to children who passively and actively take in all the toxic effects of suffering from abuse, neglect, being traumatized, and/or witnessing traumatizing events. Break the silence, validate the victim(s), and heal the patterns.
By reflecting on your own role in the cycle of Narcissistic Abuse in a non-judgmental way, an abuse victim can learn how to stop people pleasing across the board. Setting healthy boundaries and expecting one’s fundamental human rights to be respected is key. Again, the boots metaphor works… especially when and if a narcy person starts spinning such gaslighting yarns you feel you may not be able to survive wading through piles of crappy emotional abuse without putting on your hip waders.
Leave and plan to go low contact to no contact as quickly as you can when and if you suspect you are being emotionally manipulated by a person who is morally caustic yet insists they are grand. Run, walk, bike, parachute, jump out an open window on the ground floor — do whatever is needed to protect yourself from an abusive person, a toxic family, or nasty friends.