People with Borderline Personality Disorder can control their own behavior
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People with Borderline Personality Disorder can control their own behavior

Think Borderline Personality Disorder is out of your Abuser’s control? Think again. People with BPD oftentimes claim they are not responsible for their abusive temper tantrums because of their psychological condition or “fragile nature” but they absolutely are — and if they tell you they cannot control themselves, they are absolutely GASLIGHTING.

People with BPD are well known for throwing fits like spoiled brats. Acting like temperamental and virtually inconsolable children when and if they do not get their way, they claim their mood swings entitle them to act that way.

For people with BPD who are pissed off reading our website because we write to advocate for Narcissistic Abuse victims benefit (not theirs), here’s a helpful list that Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified claims can help someone with Borderline to wake up and smell the proverbial coffee in a BIG way.

According to the source, “There are six key elements of care that directly bear on the effectiveness of the treatment you receive for borderline disorder. These include your level of commitment to treatment, locating a skilled primary clinician, determining the most appropriate level of care for you, evaluating your need for medication, and selecting the type of psychotherapy and support group that will be most effective.”

The first step is  TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for their attitudes, actions, and obnoxious behaviors. BPD Demystified writes, “If you have borderline disorder, it is essential that you understand clearly and believe deeply that you, more than anyone or anything else, have the ability and responsibility for gaining increasing control over your life.”

Step two is reaching out to your Primary Clinician or PRIMARY CAREGIVER for honest help and medical assistance. As the source says, “You will need help. The number and complexity of decisions involved in the proper treatment of a patient with borderline disorder requires that a highly skilled clinician assumes a central role in helping you. This person is referred to as your primary clinician, and ideally will be a psychiatrist experienced in treating borderline disorder.”

Step three is deciding on a LEVEL OF CARE that you are both able to afford and have social support for both in the workplace environment and at home. “Most patients with borderline disorder are most appropriately treated as outpatients. However, there are times when acute inpatient or residential care is necessary. Under most circumstances, this decision is best made by you, your primary clinician, and your family or spouse…” claims the site.

The fourth step is deciding on a course of MEDICATIONS — noting that a combination of pharmaceutical use combined with diet and the absolute avoidance of mood-altering substances like alcohol  are highly advisable. “Medications play three very important roles in the treatment of most patients with borderline disorder…” shares BPD Demystified.

Meds are oftentimes, “effective in reducing at least three of the four major symptoms of the disorder…. They thereby enhance the rate and quality of improvement derived from psychotherapy…. [and] medications are effective in treating other emotional disorders that frequently are associated with borderline disorder, for example, depression, anxiety/panic attacks, and ADHD, and physical disorders such as migraine headaches.”

The fifth and arguably most challenging step is for a person suspected of having Borderline Personality Disorder as a condition is to submit themselves willingly to engage in the process of PSYCHOTHERAPY. As the source notes, “Psychotherapy is a very important component of your treatment program.”

Lastly, in order for a person with BPD to improve their behavior socially, they have to care enough about doing so to strive to SELF-EDUCATE themselves about their condition. “During the past decade, an increasing number of educational and support groups have been formed for patients with borderline disorder, and for their families. Many of these have been the result of the efforts of lay advocacy groups dedicated to increasing knowledge about, and reducing the stigma associated with borderline disorder…” shares the Borderline resource.

Bottom line, having BPD is absolutely NO excuse to behave immorally, to lie, to rage, or to compulsively dominate every single social event or conversation while pervasively acting like a douche. They are no more important or deserving of special treatment than the people who choose to willingly enable by tolerating their ridiculous, controlling, and attention-seeking behaviors.

While saying NO to them or cutting a conversation short is likely to incite their Narcissistic Rage, the key to depersonalizing the abuse they dish out is to actually take it MORE personally (not less). We know that’s the opposite advice given for dealing with people who by nature or nurture have narcissistic temperaments, but one must understand — people with BPD have 100% control of their actions, words, and even attitudes.

Their behavior is a CHOICE. They might claim it is out of their control if they have a comorbid condition like NPD or BPD or some OTHER medical condition that causes them to behave erratically, but for the most part, no matter how out of control they may seem, they can turn their toxic, abusive behavior off in a split minute.

Do not believe us? Call the police on them, take them to court, or watch what happens when they are striving to impress a neighbor, casual acquaintance, romantic target, or other authority figures.

People with BPD use mood swings as an excuse to rage. They use temper tantrums to control. And they all intentionally gaslight, lie, con, and manipulate.

It is simply part of the nature of their disorder to play the victim, avoid taking personal or professional responsibility for their own social failures and abusive actions, and to recruit Narcissistic Supply Sources who are likely to fall for their manipulative ways. Struggling to make themselves the constant authority figure and center of attention leaves them feeling emotionally exhausted, thinking they — rather than their abuse targets and socially used victims — deserve extra special attention and care.

Don’t fall for their con game. No one makes them act that way no matter what these charming, quirky, eccentric clique of rare personality type Abusers might say.

If your person does things like scream, throw temper tantrums, stomp around the house, constantly strive to undermine or negate other people’s progress, collapse into tears, threatens to kill themselves on a regular basis, and bully in order to get their way — then turn around and smile, joke around, and seem on top of the world the minute they get their way, chances are they are totally faking being in hyper-aroused states as a way to control and abuse. They know what they are doing, can turn the petulant behavior on and off like a tap, and have bad behavior taught was an effective strategy in life for always managing to get their way.

There’s nothing to pity when and if they are smart enough to know their behavior is making other people uncomfortable. They use people’s good will and feelings of feeling sorry for them in order to guilt 90% of their enablers — the other 10% they simply scream at until the person gives in and willingly agrees (under duress) to sacrifice their own needs, comfort, or well-being in order to let the Cluster B person have their way.

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DISCLOSURE: The author of this post is in no way offering professional advice or psychiatric counseling services. Please contact your local authorities IMMEDIATELY if you feel you are in danger. If you suspect your partner, a loved one, co-worker, or family member has a Cluster B personality disorder, contact your local victim's advocate or domestic violence shelter for more information about how to protect your rights legally and to discuss the potential benefits or dangers of electing to go "no contact" with your abuser(s). Due to the nature of this website's content, we prefer to keep our writer's names ANONYMOUS. Please contact flyingmonkeysdenied@gmail.com directly to discuss content posted on this website, make special requests, or share your confidential story about Narcissistic Abuse with our staff writers. All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.