You know who they are… the Liars, the ‘Underminers’. But typically not until after they have been enabled to size you up as a mark and to target you and your peer group for social attack.
Here are a few life-changing tips to help you spot them in life before they have a serious opportunity to con or to lie and manipulate their way into your life, home, personal relationships, and heart.
Learn how to spot people who lie and who undermine in order to keep yourself, your family, and your loved ones much safer. Ask yourself questions constantly comparing what you already know about basic psychology and about things like Cluster B DSM5 diagnostic criteria for sorting and classifying personality types to help decide for yourself what literally every relationship with a toxic or healthy person is likely to feel like to any person on the receiving end of the person in question’s social treatment.
For instance, ask yourself off the top of your head questions like…
How many tentacles does the abuser have? How many suckers are attached to each one? If they are ASPD (meaning if they meet standard diagnostic criteria for Anti-Social behavior that is pervasive), understand they are likely to do or say in the moment whatever is necessary to make some sort of sale to a listener.
Is it money laundering to do things like hiding income from an estranged co-parent or from a spouse? Collusion with the intent to convince fraud or to actively incite mobbing? Hiding income from the government or anyone else for that matter says a great deal about whether or not they are a person who is neurologically wise to trust or to socialize with whatsoever.
Now, take your armchair diagnostic analysis of the human condition a little deeper.
Realize if behavior indicates a man, woman, or child suffers from massive moral and social turpitude, they are going to create problems by habit in their own life and by default in the lives of others. Object Permanence Syndrome, when unrecognized, tends to make the people afflicted with the condition the worst tend to be fearful at all times and prone to thinking and doing deplorable things.
For instance… head back in time. Think about what you were like as a child compared to the person being evaluated in question.
How did they act as a child? Were they prone to telling lies, to being nice to other children, or to behaving in general like little monsters?
Kids who lie and end up profiting from doing so become teens and adults who lie. Without medical, legal, or historical question.
Evaluate the character of a person based on things like experiences in childhood. Note how experience impacts character.
If mother is in the kitchen when they do something in the living room that is wrong, they are likely to instinctively presume that because their crime or poor choice of action was not witnessed directly by her that it is her word against theirs that they did something inappropriate if she happens to catch them after the fact.
The result of breaking a vase with mom in the other room ends up very different for a child who tells the truth, for one who lies and is enabled to escape accountability successfully, or for a child who denies having broken it at first but who comes clean post-haste after realizing they are being properly parented and that they are safe.
The child who learns lying gets them what they want in life is likely to break the vase, scratch the floor, and scribble with something like a magic marker on the wall. Then to claim someone invisible did the destructive and ultimately psychologically attention-demanding antics.
It is almost as if what they did or said without the mother’s knowledge somehow magically never happened because they lie or hid the issue.
Or worse — they behave as if breaking vase then lie about it does not impact Mother’s life or their own. As if it doesn’t matter they physically broke it because they denied having smashed it.
See the routine? Educate, observe, assess… then decide how to act. Test then verify… never Trust.
Trusting then verifying rather than observing while testing indicates PEMDAS in relation to social stimuli is out of order.
Think things through emotionally and socially when meeting ANYONE new or when considering creating a relationship or friendship with someone love-bombing or hoovering you.
Are they are Love Fraud Predator — prone to serial cheating and compulsive gaslighting? Or are they something even more sinister like a covert situationally violent and pervasively Machiavellian Abuser?
Just say NO to anyone who lies to or about you once. Once. Not multiple times. Once.
Because every time you catch them in a lie know this — there are literally thousands of other lies they are likely to be telling you and anyone willing to actively engage with them dancing out trauma bonding rituals that you are unlikely to find out about in the past or the current.
Hindsight will prove to be a painful 20/20 for anyone willing to ignore forensic psychology so they can engage in Magical Thinking while attempting to create Cognitive Dissonance in themselves for emotionally hedonistic and typically self-sabotaging reasons.
Remember things like FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGY can be ignored but the reality of the person’s core nature is still inevitably and literally at all times is going to matter.
Does his last wife have a restraining order against him or do they co-parent effectively? Understand that how he speaks to and about his former love interests and the mother of his children literally says everything that one needs to know about him.
Behind that, ask yourself…
How does the person speak about events and social situations in their past? Do they ever hold themselves personally accountable for their own actions or is every bad or unsavory experience they claim to have had related to them claiming they were entitled to abuse, mistreat, or to take social advantage of someone else?
If they are the kind of person who owns their own life decisions and choices and they spend the bulk of their days in life striving to untangle knots in IRL or linguistic social threads created by other people and you are the same way, whenever there is a problem or mix-up in life related to communication they are likely to be trusted to help unravel the fray.
But if they are already on the defensive and blame-shifting or refusing to seek to understand other people’s subjective experiences and perspectives, understand that blurting defensively and impulsively means they are seeking control — never for a conversation that is healthy to move forward.
Expect them to tell white lies and to constantly withhold information in life from other people that those same human beings need to know for their own sake BEFORE socially reacting to stimuli or making decisions.
Same thing for evaluating a HER when approaching a female — especially when approaching a grown adult likely to already have a past romantic history that left scars.
Did she spend the bulk of the relationship cleaning up problems in her life created by him doing things like lying to or about her? Or was she the person who was prone to manufacturing chaos by doing things like pulling disappearing acts, triangulating her romantic prospects and encouraging them to fight for her or to champion for her affections, or engaging in indulging her personal addictions?
If she’s ever lied to you or about you to harm you or a target or to manipulate your trust in a way that is unseemly, egocentric, or unjust, she’s likely a “RULES GIRL” (there’s an actual book called THE RULES) that taught them how to plot, to enact, and to successfully get away with that stuff.
A person living in the 21st century who is not educated about things like basic psychology and Cluster B personality symptoms that truly define a person, regardless of their age, as someone prone to socially harming others for their own personal and oftentimes irrational or wholly illogical aims is at a distinct social, physical, and emotional risk of being harmed profoundly in life by a person or pack of Social Predators working like Gypsies to con, fleece, or to take advantage.
One situational predator is the type of person who pretends to be one way in public and in front of other family and friends but behind closed doors with their abuse target or alone with a scapegoat the mask does not simply slip — they take it off altogether. Then, to victims, they tend to brag about how easy it was or is to deceive anyone who defends or enables the Predator.
Another is the person who brags openly that they are better than other people or who claims they are entitled to do things like to harm other people, to put other human beings in harm’s way, or to ignore things like laws prohibiting things like Domestic Violence, driving recklessly, or willfully doing things like neglecting a child or mistreating other human beings because the Predator claims they are entitled to do it.
Still another is the type of covert social climber — the aspiring Alpha Predator who admires Apex animals in any form of social society but due to natural limitations like being born less attractive than certain other people or shorter rules them out in life from things like, say, being a professional basketball player.
That person is the most likely type to develop a Swim Fan style fixation on people they consider their social rivals for their actual esteemed people’s time, interest, or affection.
They are likely to do things like watch sports compulsively and to develop issues with things like a gambling addiction.
Bet they can’t perform in life as well as someone who is more physically or intellectually suited in life… but to hear them talk about someone else’s skillset or profession you would think they themselves were the person born gifted and talented. They act like sycophants believing that somehow the essence of those who can will somehow rub off on them.
But they are also likely to hate, fear, and to secretly loathe whoever they place on a pedestal or who they envy — waiting like a hyena to attack that same hero the moment they are vulnerable socially, physically, or emotionally.
Their goal? Taking the shine away from anyone who glows. So they can look at other Beta mentality people and play Alpha themselves… by knocking their “competition” out of the running and gaslighting people into believing anyone better at life or a task than themselves is either socially to be reviled rather than appropriately show civil respect and to be lauded.
Undermining those above them while sabotaging everyone they fear can outperform them socially, sexually, or physically is the typical MO (modus operandi) of Beta mentality people. Climbing up The Ladders so they can rub elbows with other people like them or more successful in life at predatory activities while kicking anyone striving to succeed in life with them or who they think is beneath them down is their 24/7, 364 day per year preoccupation.
Why do we say 364 instead of 365? Because even bad guys have a good day on occasion.
Reading the following articles can help you fast-track educate or remind yourself about how people with covert personality disorders sneak into our lives. Even the smartest among us occasionally get “skunked” by someone who looks and behaves perfectly normally and like they are your friend or innocent family member until the incredibly predictable and wholly avoidable moment they don’t.
- What is the best way to support a trauma victim
- Surviving Extreme Weather Events in a home or place of business with Toxic People
- What happens when the Schoolyard Bully or Mean Girls grow up
- The Social and Emotional Effects of Cyberbullying on Victims as well as on the Community
- No toxic or Cluster B person should be given access to someone else’s child (grandchild, offspring, or otherwise)
- How to spot a Dry Drunk thinker at a Party or other social gathering
- Serial Cheaters and Sadists manufacture social triangulation
- Why problem people tend to sabotage other people’s special events and to use holidays as an excuse to abuse and to neglect preferred scapegoat targets
Once you finish reading the aforementioned articles, share this post on your social media network if you are living in a safe enough environment to do so.
We all pay it forward once we escape to prevent us from forgetting the abuse and neglect we used to tolerate.
Remembering many people cannot do things like type in a search for Narcissistic Recovery key terms but that they can dang sure click on a link that we post using the INCOGNITO feature on Google while surfing for intelligent how to cope or WHEN to escape our tormentors information keeps us posting recovery articles somewhere every hour around the clock.
We’ve been striving to get the word out anonymously for decades in order to avoid having victims of Cluster B people appeal to us as authoritative sources while personalizing their own abuse.
Abusers abuse. It’s what they do.
No one needs to tell ANYONE else whether or not a social event they experienced in public or private left them unnerved, upset, feeling mistreated, or traumatized. What we need is to have our actual feelings about the incidents validated — regardless of what our Abusers or anyone who was a witness and or someone who did nothing felt about it.