Leaving a Narcissist is no easy task. Expect to be ridiculed to the core with every tiny insecurity you may have revealed to them over time in casual conversations to be magnified to epic proportions.
Worried about those five extra pounds you carry on your belly — you know… the ones that keep you looking happy, well-fed, and healthy? Expect to be made fun of like you are Blobbo the Gluttony Whale. Are you thin or fit? Expect to be ridiculed for looking like a freak, skeleton, crack addict, or told you are nothing more than a meat sack — an unattractive and revolting pile of bones.
Concerned with fine lines and wrinkles? Suddenly, you will be compared to an old shriveled up prune face, accused of looking 15 years older than whatever age you are… as well as painfully compared to celebrities and people who have devoted countless hours and dollars on vanity cosmetic procedures to beautify their appearance. Expect every unflattering celebrity or mean-spirited physical comparison they can dream up to be made — for no other reason than it makes them feel better about themselves to deprecate.
Are you successful in your career? Expect to be ridiculed for being a workaholic… or called lazy and self-indulgent when and if you are tired from it. Expect to have your career pitted against your family values, told if you chase after one you are abandoning your love interest and children. If you make family and marriage a priority, you will be condemned for that too — by the same people who claim if you try to do anything other than be there for them that you are in the wrong for not being there.
Are you between jobs or under-employed? Know your abuser is likely to harass you for not working. It is often easier to sit and listen to the ceaseless droning of a person claiming you are a failure.
If you are tall, you will be made fun of for that. Short? No question.
Blonde? They want you blonder. Brunette? Wrong color. Red hair? Clearly, a whore planning on leaving them. Or wait. No. Wait. Your hair is not quite red enough. Make it redder. Long hair? They like short. Cut it off? They always preferred you with long hair. Straight? They prefer curly. Purple, pink, blue… does not matter.
Tan? You are tan mom. Avoid the sun? Ridiculed shamelessly for glowing in the dark.
Long legs? Spider legs. Short legs? Stumps.
[Are you starting to see a pattern here?]
The real deal is when you are in a relationship with a Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath, or other incredibly egocentric and Cluster B personality disordered type person, you are going to go through a painful learning process.
The first thing you will learn is that at the beginning of ANY relationship with a narcissistic person, the love bombing and trauma bonding sensations are likely to feel emotionally incredible.
If the entire relationship you are in is based on good memories of bonding times you had with a narcy person within the first 3 years of the relationship — with special attention paid to the first 6 months of your time together — pay attention. It’s a HUGE red flag to realize that the best times you and your person of interest had were in the first few months of being together.
Understand this was when the great con and brainwashing techniques were deliberately employed. Your “soul mate” impression of them was carefully crafted in order to deceive, control, and manipulate you.
While YOU were busy falling in love or being loving, they were doing, thinking, and more importantly feeling something entirely different. What they were doing was sizing up how easy you were to manipulate and use, bottom line… plain and simple.
This is where the tragedy for Narcissistic Abuse victims settles in, taking over an abuse victim’s mind, including heart, body, and soul.
A quick internet search or a search on FlyingMonkeysDenied.com’s official Facebook page Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Flying Monkeys — Oh my! (TM) can help bring your intellect up to speed about the face you are… yes, you HAVE been used, lied to, manipulated, and abused if you have ever come into contact with a person who by nature is narcissistic. They all — ALL — follow similar patterns.
People with NPD (or “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”) or ASPD (Anti-Social Personality Disorder) are unique personality types. They are so fundamentally egocentric and competitive in social settings that they cannot resist the compulsion to pathologically lie, behave in ways that are both overtly and covertly toxic, and will do or say whatever it takes to “win” a competition no rational human enters into a relationship to engage in…
Seriously. They are toxic to the core.
All that charm and charisma, the wit, the smile… those eyes… that innate intelligence — WASTED. Wasted, gifted as talents used by an emotional predator to benefit themselves alone (rather than caring enough to use their power for good). Instead of using their grade-A superpowers to make the world at large a more hospitable and lovely, high-functioning place to be in, they focus on greed.
Narcissistic thinking involves the promotion of self over others. It’s not a very complex psychological process.
In all actuality, it is nothing more than vanity expressed as gluttony. It’s taking without giving, halting the natural biological process all systems-based organisms participate in… like a cancer, perpetually self-promoting and recklessly breeding more and more cell bodies just like the original to the point it compromises the health of both host and the cancer that lives within.
Research the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse.
The pattern includes the esteem phase of a relationship, followed by the devaluing and eventual discard of the relationship. Noting abuse tends to escalate after a breakup with Narcissists and narcissistic people (rather than during), the cycle of abuse continues for incredibly prolonged amounts of time. The Narcissist stretches out the breakup process — sometimes for months, other times for years — as an attention-seeking, power, control, and domination tactic.