Have you been targeted for romantic relationship destruction by an Inlaw? Ever wonder why? Because knowing the answer to that very question about their motivation can help you go gray rock and to detach yourself from feeling the need to respond when and if their baiting, provocative, or outright overt or covert deplorable behavior cyclically starts.
According to the incredibly trusted and well-respected web source online called BullyOnline.org, the Abuser acts Machiavellian in order to give themselves a neurochemical pleasure stimulating rush of power derived typically from a mix of Duper’s Delight and sheer Bloodlusting to hyper-stimulate their own adrenal system. Yes, they are that emotionally hedonistic and straightforward in meddling purpose.
They write,
“The objectives of serial bullies are Power, Control, Domination and Subjugation. These are achieved by a number of means including disempowerment, the stimulation of excessive levels of fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt, manipulation (especially of emotions and perceptions), ritual humiliation and constant denial. When you live with someone who is constantly denying what they said or did a day ago, or an hour ago, or even a minute ago, it drives you crazy. When the symptoms of injury to health start to become apparent, the bully will tell others you [rather than they] have a “mental health problem”.”
Understand? It’s a seriously important Predator motivation to grok.
Not on a physical level — intellectually, first.
It’s important to self reflect, to pay attention to how reading the aforementioned passage impacts you physically as you access it, and that a moment to process the information is allowed.
Read it again.
The objective of serial bullies is power. They are nothing more than insecure children demanding that because they are bigger or meaner that other people in their class that they are entitled to socially terrorize.
They feed on neurochemical sensations of power, socially competitive people. When you feel awful and are at your worst, shaking and crying and to see you come unglued is their personal desire to WATCH targets suffer.
Social Voyeurism is a key motivation for Adult Bullies — liking to watch how people wither or collapse in emotional duress and social turmoil with them, the Abuser, being the actual provoker.
They like knowing they harmed or produced extreme confusion and personal problems in the lives of targeted people. They try to make themselves socially relevant in the lives of happy people by being the person who causes them misery.
It’s like their badge of honor making someone’s mate cry or to seek a divorce or separation. The more they hurt their own family member and that person’s mate, the more it excites the Ringleader and their Narcissistic Harem of social supporters.
They are grandiose, most of the Child Abusers who become Abusers of their own personal Adult Children. Toxic Mothers-In-Law are most commonly reported as the cause for stress and strife in their children’s romantic relationships.
Cluster B humans are more important in their own minds that other people.
In their mind, they are above the law. That makes them think they are entitled to do things like committing social date rape behaviors without conscience or being held personally encountered.
What does that mean?
If you tell them something like to stop contacting your spouse…
That’s exactly what they will do even more frequently while sending them communication attempts to insult, deride, unnerve, and offend.
Toxic Inlaws won’t take no for an answer when asked to stop touching things like your’s mate’s inbox, social media, or to stop bullying you or your spouse.
If you have asked to have their abusive behavior stop and they refuse, realizing they want your marriage to fail so they can claim credit might be the only thing that saves romantic potential for any marital continuing affection.
If a mate refuses to set and enforce boundaries with a family member or group of peers who is prone to abusing or dehumanizing their partner, end the relationship. Don’t waste time begging.
It’s seldom if ever actually worth striving to stay with someone with a codependent mindset who is prone to enabling their family be allowed to hunt their mate in exchange for that same family unit’s perks of social inclusion and protection from overt social predation.
If they are learning how to detach and strive to make good decisions about how to set limits… but their family won’t respect their time or their wishes… cut them some slack. But only if you personally want.
Staying in a relationship with a person whose core values will lead them to remain enmeshed with Abusers if you are on the path to detaching from the same type of folks in your personal family or life will more than likely cause you to suffer unnecessarily and or to socially and emotionally to backslide.
Why do Social Predators want your love life to fail? The reason seldom if ever has anything to do with their target directly.
Because they are bored neurologically they menace.
You are supply for their neurochemical addiction to manufacturing chaos. It’s up to you whether or not to invite a person or peer who meddles and strives to do people who you love or like incredibly levels of social and emotional harm.
It’s a physical neurological assault to bully a target. The target — no matter how much we love our mate — is going to medically suffer if their spouse fails to set healthy boundaries or to advocate for themselves and their mate.
The reason Inlaws who are mollycoddled by an Adult Child who was their child abuse victim originally are so successful destroying marital trust is when a mate sees and feels the person who pledged by lawful oath as a spouse to forsake all others chooses the Abuser over their mate.
There is no more damaging or “unable to know forever” type of way to harm trust in a marriage or to cause the entire foundation of a marriage to quake. Take the issue seriously if it’s on your plate… especially if the family causing the damage is yours to your mate.
Do the right thing by yourself and your mate if you feel torn. Either move home with them or honor the oath that you made to your mate to detach and to forsake any Hater.
Everyone is tired of allowing Toxic Inlaws to have access to do harm to our marriages. Refuse to enable yourself to be treated like a pawn in their Cluster B game.
Set limits, then detach socially and emotionally in order to enforce them without Toxic Shame if and when a Hospitality Abuser betrays.
Love yourself enough to have your life and peace with any mate protected.
And if you two have children… resist the urge to allow a grown adult who abused you or who neglected you as a child to triangulate a grandbaby from you by grooming it to think like they are a Golden Child.
Socially predators grandparents, toxic aunts, and abusive Uncles who get their word choices into your children’s brains tend to use them to do things like to spy and to drive targets “emotionally exhausted from being their non-stop social abuse target” kind of cray or “just plain socially done with them” and ready to abandon their marriage type of morally medically insane.
When Inlaws Bully, the targeted spouse left unprotected by their mate is most likely to feel isolated or to seek a divorce. For that reason, consider the next time your family member makes your wife or husband feel terrible who keeps your bed warm and your heart happy most days before you leap to defend your family before even striving to understand how their behavior is impacting your mate.
Your relationship and long term happiness in life is likely to depend on how you choose to honor your personal marriage vows.
