Abuse Amnesia – what is it and why should knowing the vocabulary term matter for Narcissistic Abuse victims? According to Out of the Fog, a domestic abuse recovery website, “Abuse Amnesia is a form of cognitive suppression where an abuse victim has trouble remembering episodes where their boundaries have been violated.” It’s the reason why abuse victims tend to respond so well to their partner knowing all the right buttons to push while trying to hoover. Trauma? What trauma? There’s been no trauma, pain, or manipulation. Only a smile, a laugh, your favorite song mentioned thoughtfully or reflectively, someone prepared your favorite meal, brought you breakfast in bed, or made you the perfect cup of coffee…
In case you wonder, hoovering is something Abuser’s do in order to re-engage a narcissistic supply target after a domestic violence incident or domestic abuse issue. Abusive people count on their Flying Monkey “Enablers” to convince you to minimize the impact of a harm or traumatizing abuse you were targeted for directly or had to witness a person with a Cluster B personality disorder or abusive nature do.
Once the Abuser gaslights their victims into believing that the abused is or was at fault for the aggressive antagonist’s problem, lies, or temper tantrums, they know their frightened or emotionally exhausted victim is more likely to have their proverbial defense (and spirits) down. Flying Monkeys strive to further encourage blame shifting to the victim while absolving the abusive antagonizer of any and all social or moral responsibility while themselves displaying zero amount of cognitive guilt.
Because the victim has been traumatized, they are apt to be in a confused state of shock to begin with; the grossly morally inexcusable gaslighting backed by mobbing individuals leads a victim to question their own sanity, morals, ethics, and personality — not because they did anything wrong but because they are being told they are at fault, to blame, and should feel responsible for whatever narcissistic injury they purposefully or inadvertently provoked.
Because Narcissists are so relentless at writing revisionist history, trivializing victim’s subjective reports, and devaluing their target’s worth, when an abuse victim lets anything slide it hurts the target, other people who are in the self-aggrandizing narcissistic person’s path, the abuser’s entire family, and the community at large. Whether people know it or not, sometimes “staying out of things” creates a domino effect of cause and effect issues if and when a bully is consistently allowed to choose without fear of retribution to actively and pervasively abuse.
Situational abusers who are confronted and helped by communities who validate their victim’s rights tend to be safer and more loving in general. Conveniently overlooking abuse or claiming past bad deeds of active con artists and abusers are “In the past”, “water under the bridge”, or were “too long ago” to remember destroys social trust.
Social trust is the key to civilized society — not mutual dependence. Validation is key based on systems theory of biological organization when and if a part of the whole is damaged. With wound care, an injured party heals.
If you are persistently being victimized or forced to witness traumatizing incidents, no matter how big or how small, make it a habit to email journal notes to a private email account about them all of them. Keep the email safe and use it to set yourself up in narcissistic abuse recovery support groups all over the web. Each time you start to feel like you might be falling for the “sweep things under the rug con” or are preparing for court, go back and refresh your memory by re-reading what you wrote.
Be careful if you suspect your abusive life partner, an adult child who abuses, or toxic family member has a keylogger on your computer. If you suspect they might have installed one, use your Smartphone’s email function to just diary-style note reminders about dates, times, places, and incidents with notes about how you felt at the time. If it ever gets found, it’s likely to infuriate them — but you know what?
That’s perfectly their problem to deal with, noting that as long as you are safe and in charge of your own emotions and lifestyle choices you will be just fine.
Avoid developing abuse amnesia by journaling to give yourself 20/20 perspective in hindsight!