The following passages and quotes are an excerpt from the book “Take Time For Your Life” by New York Times best-selling author Cheryl Richardson. We had the distinct pleasure of attending one of her writer workshops in Orlando in 2015 and found her introspective yet open-minded demeanor enchanting. Her books all offer a unique metaphysical perspective on Narcissistic Abuse and introspective healing.
A friend of self-help guru Oprah Winfrey (talk show host, OWN network owner, and Narcissistic Abuse Survivor) and Louise Hay (of Hay House Publishing, “Heal Your Body”, and Cancer survival fame), Richardson writes common-sense information important for all Narcissistic Abuse victims to read. Her reminders for abuse victims and soul searchers to take time each day to engage in mindful acts of self-care are wise and helpful advice for any human to follow — especially those dealing with lingering effects of trauma manifesting in the body as symptoms of C-PTSD.
If you are a fan of self-help writer Cheryl Richardson who has found her work helpful to read over the years, we hope you will feel comfortable sharing this link with friends and family on social media. Check out HAY HOUSE PUBLISHING for more information about her latest works as well as to order yourself a handful of her self-help literature.
From Cheryl Richardson’s book “Take Time for Your Life”
Some relationships constantly drain your energy, in both obvious and subtle ways. Several types of people will exhaust you or deter you from your path to living a fulfilled life…
This person likes to hear his own voice. He constantly complains about what isn’t working in his life and yet gets energy from complaining and dumping his frustrations on you.
This is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or whatever she needs to feel better in the moment. Because of her neediness, the conversation often revolves around her, and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation.
This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of your or your ideas in front of others. He often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that his criticism is for you own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his.
This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often, she has a strong need to be right and can find fault with any position. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.
This person avoids intimacy by talking about other behind their backs. The gossip gets energy from relaying stories, opinions, and the latest “scoop.” By gossiping about others, he creates a lack of safety in his relationships, whether he realizes it or not. After all, if he’ll talk about someone else, he’ll talk about you.
Since soulful connections require an investment of time and energy, you’ll want to choose the people you spend time with wisely.
To determine whether a relationship drains you or fuels you, ask yourself the following…
1) Write down the name of a person in your life.
Then, ask yourself to write down and answer the following questions:
Am I able to be myself with this person?
Do I feel accepted by him/her?
Is this person critical or judgmental of me?
Does the relationship provide an even give-and-take exchange of energy?
Do I feel upbeat and energized when I’m around this person, or depleted and drained?
Does this person share my values?
My level of integrity?
Is this person committed to our relationship?
Can this person celebrate my success?
Do I feel good about myself when I’m with this person?
— Cheryl Richardson, author
Needless to say, if the answer to any of these questions is something that reveals a person or peer group is anything less than healthful, it might be time to reconsider your own lifestyle choices. After all, when humans make the deliberate choice to remain silent about abuse or to minimize talk about toxic behavior, we leave ourselves wide open to take more abuse from a nasty person or covert predator.
A side note from Flying Monkeys Denied — If you are a Narcissistic Abuse victim, keep the faith and educate. Self-care is not selfish. If your body is telling you on a gut level that there is something wrong with a person, event, or situation, trust it. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Contact your local domestic violence shelter or Victim’s Advocate for more information about how to escape from a toxic person safely even if they are a truly toxic and frightening abuser.