Narcissistic abuse is common, especially when Covert Narcissists are around. Situational abusers to the extreme, most are charming and charismatic people who have spotless reputations as the best people in town. That never makes their secret abuse tactics right or excusable in any way, morally speaking. Keep in mind, guys and dolls… the division of gender with #ClusterB personality issues is pretty much so split down the middle. For that reason, suspecting the sweet little old lady neighbor whose kids live in obvious fear of displeasing her is as logical as expecting narcissistic abuse from the man who will give you the shirt off his back while seeking every excuse possible to bill you for it and hide the face he abuses restaurant wait staff or has road rage. Both personalities are covert, meaning they add some level of duplicity and sneakiness factor into hiding their true nature in order to more effectively be able to steer conversation topics, engender sympathy for false victimization (when the Abuser pretends they are the one who is being abused), and get away with more deviant and socially destructive things.
Many narcissistic abuse victims end up developing a condition called “C-PTSD”. It is something that happens to a scapegoat or targeted person when an abuser, a person’s friends, and/or family members shame and blame a victim who has been traumatized. Ladies might be scared to speak up, but one in four has been physically, sexually, or verbally abused at some point during her lifetime. Men? The rate of men abused by women is suspected to be one in six — but since so few have been raised to keep in touch with their emotions, online blog literature related to the self-help movement still tends to paint a portrait of men being the stereotypical abusers.
Individuals who are forced to keep secrets in order to protect their abuser(s) end up living in a unique kind of hell. Aside from being forced to “suck it up and deal with it”, a rare condition develops similar to PTSD. People who have it almost universally report it feels like:
- sheer dread,
- physical fatigue,
- ‘sourceless anxiety’ [stemming from not knowing or understanding when and where a new attack will come from next]
- a sense of confused cognitive dissonance inspired depression
Basically, you are hopeless and living in a constant state of heightened “Flight or Flight” state. Adrenal fatigue is eventually likely, along with a wide variety of other health based calamities.
There are many reasons why innocent people choose to feel embarrassed or worried they will be subjected to further abuse should they elect to speak up or voice a concern over the fact that they are, have been, or ever were abused. Men who are upset that all the existing literature on the net tends to be written about abusive men (not abusive women) we lovingly remind you — ‘Victim and Community’ silence is the Abuser’s most powerful weapon.
Victim shaming is a terribly inhumane and un-empathetic practice. Here are just a few of the reasons men and women fail to report abuse to peers or authority figures in accordance. All cause a victim extreme duress and foster C-PTSD:
- Blame Shifting — abusive personalities and flying monkeys say things like “she deserved it”, “you made me do it”, “I did it for your own good”, or “he had it coming”
- Invalidation — Abusive people or narcissistic onlookers invalidate a victim’s claim or fail to speak up and support his/her claim in an effort to protect the abuser while electing to benefit themselves in some way
- Smear Campaigning — gossip and lies being told to ruin the reputation of a victim and further estrange and isolate them; social and emotional sabotage
- Gaslighting — openly lying with an air of confidence while writing revisionist history in the hopes the target will begin to question his or her own sanity, knowledge of true events, or powers of generally competent observation (i.e. lying to a new partner about a break up date with a former spouse then expecting the former spouse to pretend they had no relationship long before the actual discard pile date
- Pathological Lying — changing stories and lying about things small and large; not respecting people enough to tell them the truth
- False Victimization — the abuser or abusive group may pretend that they lash out and rage at random people, scapegoats, and targets because somehow those people offended them, were out to get them, or somehow got in their way; entitlement based thinking is evident and narcissistic injury perception (logical or not) is used as an excuse to pitch a fit, throw a temper tantrum, launch a cyber bullying attack, or simply out in the open rage
Fearing further abuse or the escalation of the narcissistic person or narcissistic peer group, many victims of pervasive bullying (and even extreme situational abuse) elect to keep abuse of all kinds a secret.
Whether abuse is domestic, physical, financial, sexual, emotional, spiritual, or mental, it always follows along the same hamster wheel of power and control “gaming” and perpetual motion lifestyle patterns.
The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse is very similar to the domestic violence wheel of power and control, only in the case of victimhood, a person forced to keep silent experiences the “honeymoon phase” as hours, days, or minutes where they are not forced to endure some form of unpleasant torture.
Abusive personalities that are on the Cluster B spectrum all see every form of communication or interaction with another human being a competition. Perpetually seeking to win, the only way not to be harmed by them is truly not to interact with them or any of their Flying Monkey family or friends.
Because socially dysfunctional people who admire folks with Cluster B personality disorders are messed up. But people with actual abnormal personalities like NPD, ASPD, BPD, and HPD are emotional terrorists who use the good will and kind nature of other people as weapons against them.
If you have C-PTSD, get to know more about Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by reading more here. Follow along with news and reviews of articles about people who are abusive at home, at work, or to the general public — and when you are ready to have your faith in humanity restored, visit our Facebook Page to click like, share GOOD news stories about how to recover, and learn all you can about how to spot the red flags and warning signs of Narcissistic Abuse.
And if you are a man who is actively being abused? Please — for the sake of humanity and all MAN, please be kind. Share your story even if you need to send us a private message on Facebook so we have the opportunity to share your survival wisdom and show YOU support. We have men and women on our staff and answer reader’s private questions by sharing our own private research notes with our social media fans, friends, and readers. Let other people know they are not to blame for their abuser’s nature.