Welcome to Narcissistic Abuse recovery, a place where the only people who survive and thrive resist the urge to minimize. The “Denial Trap” is one narcissistic people love to use all the time while gaslighting their victims into questioning their own memories, heart, intelligence, and even sanity after they have been openly caught doing something nefarious.
It’s their go-to responsibility avoidance move during any confrontation — one they will readily be angered by should the conversation turn to discussing the confrontation denial trap. Avoiding taking personal responsibility for any word, deed, or lack of appropriate action that they due is one of the favorite hobbies of most people who enable for sadistic pleasure or who actively decide to abuse.
Ultimately, confronting them about lying and manipulating leads to nowhere for the victim other than being left with an overwhelming sense of disappointment, heartbreak, and confusion. Obviously, persistent abuse leads to a trauma victim developing C-PTSD triggers galore, buttons an abusive person will love to push any chance they get for no other reason that to amuse themselves more.
Think about it. Does any of this stuff sound familiar? If you said yes in your gut, you might want to consider something dreadful — that you might be a Narcissistic Abuse victim. What’s more, you are likely to have spent quite some time living under their charming but not so charming love bombing or hoovering spells. After a breakup or family rift, life for a SURVIVOR who has not quite put two and two together about having been victimized may seem something like this…
You have officially been placed in the discard pile. Life has changed permanently. You have gone from being a person who loves life and family to being brokenhearted. What you once believed to the core of your heart and soul was a loving, nurturing support network is gone.
Now, after having outed your abuser, you are left out in the cold, sitting back watching from the sidelines while angry estranged Narcissists and people with Flying Monkey personalities fawn all over the person who abused you. People you thought would never betray you, will — and what’s worse, won’t even give you the courtesy of telling you why they are doing it.
Meanwhile, the monster himself or herself has run around claiming false victimization, telling made-up stories and partial truths spun so far out of context from the actual provable, factual events that happened that your head is still spinning and reeling from the last time a concerned Flying Monkey came to tell you all about how the poor victimized abuser was so wronged by you refusing to accept the toxic, brutal, or obnoxious ways they and their peer group have been treating you. They are out there loving life, keeping themselves busy publicly doing everything they can think of to win friends and influence people by lying and making up horrible stories about you.
You feel alone, devastated, totally betrayed, like perhaps all the “mean people” are right — you are somehow yourself morally deficient for asking to be treated with a shred of decency, to not be lied to or about, and to ask for people to treat you with at least common courtesy (even if they are not your best friend or biggest fan in life). What, under such surreal circumstances is the best thing for an abuse target or scapegoated victim of social smear campaigns, bullying, and mobbing to do?
Many fall into the trap of minimizing the abuse or worse — believe the gaslighting claim that it takes two to tango. Excuse us very much, but that is NOT the case at all when dealing with a narcissistic parent, high conflict divorce situation, or Ted Bundy-esque charming but ultimately sadistic and evil, toxic predator.
Avoid the pitfall trap of buying into the Cognitive Dissonance Flying Monkeys promote. They expect victims to believe tolerating and overlooking abuse is a virtue or they blame the victim. The person who has a Cluster B personality disorder acts covertly and pathologically lies.
The abusive person and their posse can be counted on to do the selfish and exactly wrong thing given every opportunity to do right. Their objective and subjective versions of their experience of truth are rapidly shifted on the fly while they promote themselves at the expense of others by telling anybody who will lend them a sympathetic ear a pack of partial truths twisted and distorted into a massive fertilizer pile of lies.
Friends and family members who are passive-aggressive (Covert Narcissists) are likely to pull the old narcissistic flip when and if a victim speaks up for himself or herself about domestic violence, covert manipulation, people who are situational abusers, and those who actively engage in serving up heaping plates full of unjust, extreme, and brutally traumatizing narcissistic abuse.
These are NOT GOOD PEOPLE who would support an abuser. There is never two sides to the story when it comes to the truth — only subjective versions and people who act as jury and judge. If any of them have a “Covert Narcissist” passive-aggressive streak, chances are they have been chomping at the bit to bring down a better human.
True victims of narcissistic abuse fall prey to Flying Monkey predators and weaker Cluster B’s after a split because they are psychologically and emotionally reeling. The blood in the proverbial water after a huge argument or family fight brings rubberneckers and sharks out to watch the fireworks, all of them thinking only about how to keep the show going.
Seldom do toxic people encourage victims by validating their emotional experiences. They interrupt the grief cycle of abuse healing in order to prolong the reality television episode while doing their best to cinch up their own fresh narcissistic supply.
Stay away from jackals and fish mongers. If something about a friend or relative’s advice seems fishy — trust your gut. They are either into watching traumatic events go down for entertainment value or they are ultimately going to tear their own pound of flesh off your already raw emotional hide.
Resist the urge to have blind faith in people. Trust your instincts, protect yourself from predatory people, and by all means resist the urge to shift blame to yourself as a victim.
The truth is sometimes stranger than fiction. For that reason alone, resist the urge to enable narcissistic abuse. Be polite and even kind — but seriously… for the sake of your mind, body, heart, and soul — resist the urge to invalidate yourself.
When it comes to suffering through, witnessing, or being subjected to trauma, resist the urge to minimize. The more malignant the narcy person, the more likely their favorite quote will be, “Who me? I didn’t do anything!”
If you hear phrases like that and think to yourself, “Yeah, right…”, welcome to real Narcissistic Abuse recovery. It’s a safe psychological and emotional space, a place where the only people who survive and thrive resist the urge to minimize.