What does it mean when you hear people use the phrase “Gold Digger”? If they are using it correctly, chances are they mean it in the most unflattering of ways. A Gold Digger is a person, man or woman, who — quite simply — is so egocentric, shallow, and materialistic, all they truly care about in life is themselves… and financial gain.
Many Somatic Narcissists are actually so status-oriented, they will do or say anything they can to love bomb and trick a wealthy or hard-working mark into falling for them. Sometimes, they will chase the illusion of wealth, meaning if they spot someone who stands to inherit money or who has an existing trust fund they will obsess about winning the trust and loyalty of the person in the hopes they will be able to fleece them entirely when and if the money or windfall inheritance ever comes.
Somatic Narcissists are obsessed with status. That means looks, designer brand names, where they live, the kind of cars they drive, and more will all need to be “first-class”. They will oftentimes demand a yacht but spend any cruising time out on the water bitching about the heat, how much they are sweating, what their hair is or is not doing, and whether or not the party is likely to be bitten by bugs by or before dusk.
“Gold diggers” as a stereotype are a societal acknowledgement of women’s inherent tendency to perceive men as little more than useful idiots, resource providers. Gold diggers are essentially people with the ability to “use others for what they’re good for” rather than value them for “who they are as personalities.” It is Briffault’s Law on steroids: they prioritise what a person can do for them over forming emotional bonds. They don’t identify who a person is and what they can do for the manipulator in question as separate components, to a Machiavellian these things are both one and the same.” — Understanding the Dark Triad
Gold Diggers, when male, can be very convincing. They tend to mirror targets, sizing them up for insecurities and working manipulative brainwashing phrases and commentary from the start.
A male Gold Digger is after whatever future he thinks the female he’s set in his romantic sites to woo has got. Money from the family? His to gain if he plays his cards right. A promising career? If she’s a professional rival, marrying her and keeping her home “in her place” is a wonderful way to knock out the gender-based competition. Waiting to inherit that big life insurance or settlement check? Boy, oh boy — not only is this guy your new soul mate, but he’s also your new BFF.
As for women who con men for money, Somatic Narcissism is often co-mingled with Malignant Narcissism. Expect high maintenance women who can seldom (if ever) be “pleased”, narcissistic rage and temper tantrums galore, and a manufactured crisis that forces you to leave or abandon children that don’t belong to her, friends, family members, and/or job responsibilities.
Couples who elect to keep one partner at home and the other working can have very functional, healthy, and well-balanced relationships. The partner who works outside the home might hate the idea of staying put in one location all the time, needing to get out and about on a daily basis. The other may be a homebody. If incomes allow one partner to work and that partner prefers it, then they have every right to feel proud of their financial achievement of taking care of both themselves and their partner with whatever income the couple deems is sufficient.
Conversely, couples who elect for both parties to work outside the home can have an equally easy time setting financial goals. The comfort of a second income can be a boon to a couple that is frugal and saving for a lavish retirement, for instance. Dual income couples with no children tend to have the most lucrative and free-wheeling of lifestyles.
But truly, whether or not one or both halves of a couple elect to work is their business, not anybody else’s. It’s also not okay to set a partner up, telling them you are totally okay with them being the only breadwinner then ridiculing and shaming them for going to work. Or worse — insisting a woman stay home and raise the children then trading her in for two working twenty-somethings when middle age “potbelly landslide crisis era” sets in… a.k.a. the “Mid Life Crisis Phase”. It’s also not a valid claim to justify a “Seven Year Itch” romantic betrayal or something to be used as justification for one partner cheating or acting like a serial cheater simply because the other partner is not physically present and there.
People who use the phrase Gold Digger as a casual insult are committing an ad hominem attack. Unless they have proof that someone has both NPD and ASPD by nature and acts with pervasive Machiavellian best interest of themselves only (at the expense of both partner and family), then the person making the slanderous or libelous remark could, in fact, be considered to be casting aspersions that are tough to take back.
The woman who married Cinderella’s father in the famous fairy tale was a Gold Digger. Cinderella herself, despite courting a prince and fiscally marrying up, was not.
Unless you know for a fact that a man or woman has little to no ability to display empathy, lies pathologically, is biologically incapable of perceiving the complete and natural range of human emotions, and is running a calculated scheme to deceive and fleece a mark, don’t call them a Gold Digger. It’s rude to do and makes the speaker alone look like they have a dark, mean-spirited, and nasty heart.