Erotomania with relationship to Cluster B manufactured triangulation? Something the new partners of people with OBSESSIVE EX SYNDROME falsely accuse exes of having all the time. It is a belief that someone is in love with you (or your partner) based on an irrational or deluded belief that the obsessed person’s targeted scapegoat is in love with or in some way involved in a “personal relationship” with them.
The problem is the person accused may or may not even KNOW the person claiming to have a relationship with them — such as a new love interest of a former Abuser.
By textbook definition, Erotomania is a psychiatric condition. Typically, it refers to cases where a person with a psychiatric — rather than personality – disorder becomes delusionally obsessed with a person or small group of people who they perceive in their small world to be a) both in love with them and b) is a person who is somehow famous. But around a gaslighting expert, is it a person who is emotionally and psychologically capable of the most devious and cruel forms of Machiavellianism?
Erotomania becomes a claim, a manufactured accusation…. nothing more than a super-easy way to manufacture a triangulation between an old love interest and a new one. It puts the Abuser on a pedestal in their own mind to think their former love interests and any current mistresses, paramours, or lovers into some rivalry for the toxic predator’s amusement.
If a Machiavellian predator can make the new love interest think that the ex who rejected their affections or advances is obsessed with or in some way in love with them, they prey on the insecurity of the new partner. If that person is competitive romantically by nature, meaning insecure and irrationally hostile to other “rivals” for top-billing status as property of the manipulator, they do a few things of important note:
- They set whatever former lover they rejected or abandoned after the person called them out on their bullshit up to be abused by proxy for the life of their relationship with the successfully triangulated Enabler.
- They create a virtually unlimited source of narcissistic supply to reward or torture (alternately, at their whim and discretion) for fun and sport.
- They can forever instruct any side interest — meaning mistress, paramour, or person they are having an affair with — to contact them using privacy blocks on their phone number, ensuring they have a COVER STORY to use with the new partner (claiming the “obsessed ex” is the party “stalking” or “harassing them” by phone).
Every attempt by the victimized ex to assert their rights to go NO CONTACT and to move on in life with any level of emotional security will be met with angry, ranting emails, ugly phone messages, nasty letters, and out of the blue attacks by Flying Monkeys — leaving a former spouse perpetually on the hook for punishment by proxy (when and if their new partner is “sicced” on the old to defend their love life, own family, and to harm the person they were conned into believing was in any way, shape, or form an interested party or rival.
When children are involved in the mix, the situation tends to get worse. Many abuse victims decide enough’s enough at some point in life, walking away from their own abusive children, brainwashed and lied to young adults, or giving up custody of “spy-n-lie” kids.
Obsessed Exes who seek to destroy the social and emotional well-being of a former love interest out of a pervasive sense of having been rejected as a suitor (or unable to keep a target submissively in line) may claim their ex is in love with them.
However, police reports, court appearances, restraining orders, and being forced to shift life paths in order to ensure safety while striving to preserve and protect privacy rights help victims establish a credible trail when and if they have to set the record straight about their true desire to have NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER above mandated, court-ordered times they are forced to attend a hearing or (as a co-parent) give any information whatsoever about their lives.
For a malevolent controller with a vicious nature, committing Love Fraud then lying to assail the good character of a mark is right up their alley. Each time they lash out, however, they reveal more and more of their true nature. That’s why so many of them tend to get caught, arrested, or busted for lying about things like having road rage, violating restraining orders (laughing when the police arrive).
They are pathological liars — such convincing ones if they have ASPD that they can beat a polygraph. For that reason alone they are smug enough to lie directly to judges and juries while under oath or committing contempt of court violations without fear or remorse so many times.
If they are caught or even remotely suspicious their con games might be revealed, the smear campaigning actively begins. It seldom stops in such a case without extreme legal intervention. Noting that by the time an Obsessed ex starts to abuse by proxy, they have already drifted dangerously over the rejected suitor or vendetta stalker stereotype.
They may tell SO many people lies about their targeted victim or victims that they themselves start to lose touch with reality. A quick fact check of real evidence can help both judge and jury come to understand the forensic psychology of obsessive ex “Punisher” types.
[Even when and if the scapegoat target files for divorce, gives them everything they want in court (including signing away rights to collect a marital debt or child support), if they are hell-bent on winning, every person that leaves them or that THEY leave is targeted for abuse until such a time the Abuser happily remarries or dies.]
It’s a super brainwashing trick — conning a new love interest into believing a delusional ex-lover is absolutely love-struck and out of their mind. The intentional manufacturing of the triangulation serves several purposes, the first being it fosters tremendous insecurity in the abusive person’s current partner.
It also virtually a mobbing scenario filled with abuse by proxy. And, of course, it creates the opportunity for the Abuser to sit back and laugh while the ex who they strive to socially and emotionally destroy for idle sport and amusement gets smear campaigned against, maliciously branded a whack job after them for the rest of their life.
Ultimately, it’s just a ploy to stay in control while self-stroking their sadistic streak. Seriously. The victimized spouse might be forced to remain aware of their abuser’s proximity to them and monitor for signs of escalating violent or predatory stalking behaviors and be forced to involve community and officials.
That is NOT the case Obsessive Ex Syndrome refers to or indicates in any way. What experts and victims describe is relationships with people so toxic that they will abuse an innocent spouse and children simply to “win at any cost” — which to the truly darkest hearts means a targeted victims death following social ruin, forced exile, and painful social isolation for no crime other than breathing most surviving lifers say.
True EROTOMANIACS obsess about a target, creating fantastical accounts of their ongoing relationships and conversations. They cannot accept or abide by no-contact restraining order terms because of their lack of impulse control coupled with their fantasy of having any form of a personal relationship with their targeted victim.
Dangerous and typically emotionally unstable. Most individuals who have the condition will stalk and harass targeted victims for YEARS.
Why? In the hopes of establishing a relationship with them in real life, noting that in their minds one is already established.
People on the cusp of having a violent outburst tend to start to show signs of fracture with reality, doing and saying odd things to people they know and posting odd social media messages that seem to make logical sense to no one before they mentally let go.
If a person YOU know is a threat to themselves or others, contact your local authorities or social service agency.
True Erotomania is a dangerous condition reflecting DELUSIONAL DISORDERS, not Cluster B (per se)… although comorbidity should not be ruled out when and if the situation with a person obsessing about another lasts more than a few months worth of calendar dates.
Fake or falsified claims an estranged ex is mentally unwell, pining for a romantic — rather than civil — union with a person whom they have clearly abused and betrayed in the most caustic, dark, and damaging of ways, and trying to wreck a new marriage or another family?
Bottom line, it’s a sign that the ACCUSER has a Dark Triad personality.
Anyone who falls for such a con and elects to abuse by proxy on behalf of the more intelligent and sinister predator is simply a little thick. Seriously — a simple application of logic explains who benefits most directly by tricking their new partner into spending the better part of their life abusing his or her ex while keeping them distracted.
Dark Triads are typically the only people smart enough or devious enough to enact such a plan. If the Abuser has narcissistic peers, the most trusted among them will be asked to help them carry out the sadistic and cruel, life changing game.
The longer the new partner remains convinced the old partner is “after” the suitor they rejected, the more time is freed up for the true Machiavellian predator to seek out new narcissistic supply sources without every actually having to worry about getting caught in any way.
“I have no idea — must be my ex calling from a blocked number.”
“Nobody important… it was my ex ranting.”
Why do you have a 27-minute phone call to a private number?
“Oh — it was my ex. They kept calling…. so I answered the call and left the phone on the counter on and walked away.”
If you ever EVER hear such ridiculous remarks from a romantic partner about their ex — run, don’t walk to the nearest exit. The life and social reputation you save might end up being your own someday.
Or our personal new favorite — a remark sent in by one of our favorite readers…
Why do you have phone numbers for escort agencies and addresses for strip clubs saved in your phone?
“I was just calling for a FRIEND. I would never cheat on you or have sex with one of those nasty people, baby!”
Sure-yeah-right. Ohhhhhh kaaaaayyyyyy, darling. Whatever you say.
[The right response from an aggrieved spouse or love interest at that point is to recoil in horror and absolutely psychologically, physically, spiritually, and emotionally speaking to strive to protect themselves while cautiously and carefully backing away. Or go bat guano and nix their ass. Either way — stay safe.]