Co-parenting with a Dark Triad or Malignant Narcissist
This Just In, Toxic Parents

Co-Parenting with a Narcissist or Dark Triad

Co-parenting with a Narcissist or Dark Triad personality type is seldom fun for anyone. According to the NJ Family Legal Blog, how the narcissist communicates as a co-parent is typically brutal on the former partner and any offspring and residential family members of either parent.

Treatment is typically worse if the abused partner in the discard pile retains custody of any child born of the marriage (or that is a product of a romantic entanglement). The more abused the parent who is given custody rights, the more likely an abusive ex is likely to target them for something called REVENGE OBSESSION.

In their article titled “Stalking the Soul: Co-Parenting with an Abusive Narcissist”, they shared a list of typical things they see happening in their local “Jersey Shore” style community. Recognizing the pattern of Narcissistic Abuse in any co-parenting arrangement between estranged or divorced parties is crucial to protecting children and targeted scapegoat victims from ongoing persecution.

Learning all you can about Cluster B personality types, the red flag warnings of Narcissistic Abuse, and how to avoid being upset when and if someone with a personality disorder becomes abusive is key to protecting your child from the abuser while maintaining moral sanity. People who are unable to grasp that folks with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Anti-Social Personality Disorder have a personality type (rather than a mental illness) tend to have a much harder time making peace with their abuse situation as-is.

The NJ Family Legal Blog shares the following red flags all court officials, attorneys, teachers, and social service workers should look out for in either mother or father when and if there is any situation in a high conflict divorce that is happening already or about to take a turn for the worse imminently. They write:

Refusal of Direct Communication.  The abusive narcissist refuses to have direct communication about the child – there is never direct communication because he/she just simply doesn’t discuss things.  Abusive individuals evade direct questions when asked.

Distortion of Language. The abusive narcissist uses innuendo, unexpressed reproach or veiled threats to communicate.  The tone is oftentimes flat and cold.  Child victims can often describe the change in tone before the aggression strikes, describing it as “white.”

Lies. Rather than using a direct lie, the abuser initially employs a mix of innuendo and unspoken hints to create a misunderstanding, which he will subsequently exploit to his advantage. Lying is pervasive among abusive narcissists.

Use of Sarcasm, Ridicule, Contempt.  The abusive narcissist uses ridicule to create a position of knowing.  Embarrassing his or her spouse can become the sole goal and objective.

Use of Paradox. Often, an abusive narcissist will say something verbally and express the opposite non-verbally.  One way to do that is to cast doubt into innocuous elements of daily life.  For example: “I am so concerned about our child having the flu.  I wish you would dress him for the weather and feed him healthy foods.  Maybe then he wouldn’t be so sick all the time.” These feigned expressions of concern, without escalating tone of voice, can lead to doubt among even the most secure.

Divide and Conquer.  The abusive narcissist is adept at pitting people against each other by either insinuating doubt, revealing what one person said about the other, or by lying to incite people to become adversarial.  This can result in parental alienation (a subject of a future blog) between parent and child or conflict between the children themselves.

The Imposition of Power.  The goal of the abusive narcissist is to dominate.  The domination is typically underhanded and denied, often masked behind gentleness and benevolence.

People who have personality types that fall under the umbrella classification term are able to control themselves. They have the complete wherewithal to switch from charming to a monster and back at their discretion in the blink of an eye. For that reason alone, judges and other court officials should not be tricked by abusive and egocentric people claiming entitlement, denying being abusive, and falsely pretending to themselves be victims.

Connect the Dots
What is the definition of Narcissism in self-help literature?

Before giving your Abuser (or ANY abusive or narcissistic personality) too much credit or sympathy — meaning think of him or her as a monster with godlike powers or feeling sorry for them because they had a hard life growing up — understand this…

If an abusive person can control themselves in front of a person or authority figure they want to impress, they have the same ability to control their temper and do the right thing by a child by treating that little one’s co-parent with respect. 

Any Guardian Ad Litem will tell you that any parent’s primary job in life is to put a child’s own needs and best interest ahead of their own. What that means is some men and women can and should consider leaving an abusive spouse or romantic partner if that person is a bad influence on or poor quality role model for the child.

A person who does all they can to frustrate, “punish”, and aggress the bio parent of a child with custody or visitation rights is guilty of emulating Dark Triad behavior. For those unfamiliar, the classification includes narcissistic individuals with clearly anti-social or psychopathic tendencies and a truly Machiavellian nature.

Most Dark Triad personalities will measure high for having traits on NPD, Malignant Narcissism, and Psychopathy. Nearly all will end up marrying and procreating then ending up manufacturing massive amounts of chaos legally and emotionally, financially harming and psychologically frustrating almost everybody.

Grown adults who play games triangulating, lying,