Somatic Narcissists are obsessed with appearance. They only care about looks, money, and the perception of status. On a plus note, they are super easy to spot and manipulate psychologically and emotionally by complimenting them constantly and supporting their self-limiting belief that they are the center of the world, entitled consistently to the best. The drawback is, unless you consistently capitulate to their ridiculously selfish demands, there will be hell to pay. No one likes to be around them… the exception being, (of course) people who themselves are narcissistic sycophants.
Typically, Somatic Narcissists are vacuous people. They tend to spend their free time literally contemplating their own navel — what it looks like, how perfect they look, or hoping to make a change in their personal appearance. The phrase, “no deeper than a mud puddle” is a great reminder about the depth of their core reflective intellect.
If you are looking to observe one in their natural habitat, watch for them to show up at places like the county club, the beauty salon, nightclubs where singles gravitate, the plastic surgeon’s office, or the local pick-up gym. Narcy people with sycophantic Flying Monkeys tend to gather there much the same way wild animals in Africa gather around a watering hole to prance and posture around one another while sharing a drink or going for a swim.
Children of Somatics are taught they are more valuable for their looks and status achievements than they are for things like personality, character, or comprehensive intellect. Somatic parents with a cerebral bent — typically those less physically appealing to look at but still obsessed with status — will demand straight As from children. Those who are into appearance will dress their kids up like paper dolls, constantly comment or remark on the child’s appearance while adorning them in all the latest trending fashions and designer labels.
Empathy and respect for other people is trained out of SNs typically by the time they head to first grade or kindergarten. Parents who spend a child’s formative years discussing virtually nothing with them but their appearance tends to create a child with a personality type that is fiercely socially and emotionally competitive for attention.
Young boys praised for their brawn and athletic prowess suffer many of the same problems as young ladies abused by their parent, raised believing “Pretty Pretty Princess” myths. Unless we are crazy, there are few women born that can expect to be treated like royalty for the duration of their lifetime, yet toxic parents overindulging while underparenting children continue to train their pets what to expect.
Men who are raised by Somatic Narcissists tend to exhibit the following personality traits and “symptoms”:
- physically domineering
- seek trophy wives for aesthetic presence (rather than intellect)
- value wife and children a property (not as people)
- act pervasively with entitlement
- tend to rage at the drop of a hat to dominate but can immediately shut the flow of anger off and come across as charming if and when the police or a person they hope to gaslight and impress is present
- money money money money money is their number one obsession
- serial cheaters to impress narcissistic friends more than to connect
- always in pursuit of a new car, new boat, new clothes, new watch, new designer whatever, new new new must buy it now mentality
- impulse issues related to money
- the tendency to lose money on gambling or due to investing in business ventures with risky (translation = shady) friends
- tend to value appearance more than character when it comes to people
- insist on special treatment wherever they go
- compulsively attention-seeking
- OCD issues are common
- limited comprehension of complex subjects in the arena of religion, ethics, philosophy, history, psychology, humanities, art, or even things as simple as architecture
- a tendency to technical specialization in a narrow field of study or professional interest with other people’s interest or expertise dismissed as less important than their field (meaning competitive rather than collaborative)
- little to no respect for other people or other people’s work efforts
- resent the success of others
- use insult humor to make themselves feel better — tend to try to tear down public image of “narcissistic rivals” (meaning people they envy or compete within their own head for social measure)
- use verbal brutality to batter and assault other humans with hate speech and intimidating words in order to control and manipulate their emotions
- history of bullying other people as a child, continuing well on into adulthood
- badger and harangue partners into complying with their irrational desire and wishes
- tend to abuse a partners credit
- very into financial control
- hide purchases from a spouse — including buying lavish gifts and paying for expensive trips for mistresses
- use marital funds to support concubines
- pervasively gaslight spouse about actual faithfulness, private lifestyle, and common whereabouts
- tend to develop “Obsessive Ex Syndrome” when rejected or found out by a partner
- the tendency to engage in Love Bombing and Hoovering tactics
- Cycle through bad behavior predictably
- live life playing the lead role in the “Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse“
- Have a grandiose sense of themselves
- Massive entitlement issues
- Emotions tend to drive compulsion
- tendency toward addiction
- excessive drinking is common (binge drinking, daily drinking combination)
- criminal activities
- road rage issues (based on entitlement values)
- little to no regard for the safety of others
- little to no regard for the needs of others
- little to no regard for the civil rights of others
- little to no regard for the human rights of others
- tend to act out passive aggressively toward children, preferred scapegoat targets, and family members in private while putting forward a public face reflecting a jovial and charismatic nature
- they spend more time in the mall, at car dealerships, attending boat and airplane shows, and/or shopping online for the latest trendy products than the average retail worker
Women who are Somatic Narcissists tend to be even vainer and shallow by nature. Most women who are obsessed with looks and status will exhibit more covert forms of all the aforementioned traits and then some.
Somatic females tend to be far less pleasant to have to spend time around than Somatic males, primarily because they tend to have limited personal and professional interests. Where SN males tend to strive for social power in career fields, women who are afflicted with toxic values tend to devote nearly 100% of their time on doing things related to impressing people with their appearance.
Want to go out to dinner? Prepare to listen to her brag incessantly about her diet… then watch her consume her weight in calories stuffed down her greedy gullet in the form of expensive liquor.
Want to go for a walk holding hands down the beach or a street in your neighborhood? Oh no. We must go to the sporting goods store and buy the latest CrossFit trainers, an entire workout wardrobe of athletic gear, a new iPod and earbuds, expensive designer sunglasses, special water bottles, and pedometer.
Want to take a vacation? Prepare to upgrade while consistently listening to her bitch about the accommodations.
Buy her a ring? Nope! She wanted something different. Bigger. BETTER. A bigger diamond of a lower quality is always preferred by bling girl.
Whether or not one considers a female Somatic Narcissist to be a “gold digger” or not is superfluous. Why? Because any man involved with her should prepare himself for a lifetime of striving to meet her financial demands for more, more, more.
Never once will you hear a Somatic N of either gender say that they are happy to make do with something. Literally, lying to them about a product that is less costly to make them think that what they have is somehow better than what other people have is one way many men (and adult children of Narcissistic Parents) have learned to steer their partner’s mood over the years.
Unless the SN has the best, there will be hell to pay in their personal relationships. If the person is a spouse or love interest, it might be stone cold frigid at home but you can damn sure bet they will be the first to heap on public displays of affection to their mate if a romantic rival or person they seek to impress with their relationship conquest shows up at the local bar, party, or restaurant.
Look for male SNs to always have their hands all over their “women” in a gropey way in front of rival males. Many will actually initiate sexual activity in public, getting off on the thought of using the female like a porno prop to help excite and stimulate their males friends.
Look for the female SNs to constantly hang all over their mate. If they were a male dog, literally they would walk over and pee on him.
Both genders tend to gravitate toward selecting mates with equally shallow natures. As such, among Somatics, relationship arrangements between themselves and Co-Narcissists tend to provide both the greatest level of happiness in life.
Noting that Somatic Narcissists will literally do or say just about anything to lower to self-esteem and social influence of their perceived or targeted rivals, the red flag poker tell to watch for is a person who commonly brags while simultaneously putting down others.
Resist the urge to engage in competition with them for prestige or status. Depersonalize any caustic remarks and note that smear campaigning and mobbing is their “pack mentality” habit.
Narcissistic peers tend to flock together. Physical appearance is not the only way Somatics tend to raft.
While the “Beautiful People” tend to seek one another out in elementary, middle, and high school, since few keep their good looks past middle age, the older SNs get the more they tend to mask physical flaws with things like cosmetics, Spanx, and expensive fashion accessories.
Hair glam will be faked (whether by adding extensions, wearing wigs, or using Rogaine). In extreme cases of Somatic Narcissism, men will even suffer through the pain of getting hair plugs.
More money will be spent over the course of a lifetime on haircuts, spa treatments, manicures, pedicures, cosmetics, lotions, creams, hair product, and beauty salons than a small country spends on electricity for an entire local population. If something is expensive — that is the guiding factor in making a Narcissist want it.
Goodwill, second-hand item shopping, and upcycling or repurposing old items cause a sneer of contempt to appear on the face of an SN the minute a reasonable person with respect for property and common sense about finances suggests that gluttony is not the best psychological emotion to compulsively indulge. There will never be a budget created that a narcissistic person with a somatic streak to their nature will perceptively feel or think is enough.
As SNs age, expect to see them persistently dominate conversations with talks about all the things they have owned and how they used to look. By age 65, most are truly overtly boorish and insufferable.
Those who manage to keep things like trust funds and inheritance intact will demand they live in the best retirement communities. Even after retirement (when their income declines) they will expect — demand — their adult children keep them in the lifestyle to which they believe they are entitled. Sadly, the price paid by adult kids is by the time they themselves hit middle age or start creeping chronologically toward the age of retirement themselves, after a lifetime of catering and capitulating to a toxic parent’s needs they find themselves past the years of career vitality and have (for themselves) absolutely nothing left to give emotionally or financially-speaking have anything left.
The longer an SN lives, the more malignant and overtly demanding they tend to get. As such, if you were smart enough or lucky enough to break free from a close personal relationship with one early on, count your blessings.
As Somatic Narcissists age and their bodies begin to defy them, they tend to get more verbally and psychologically abusive towards any person they resent. Since resentment typically extends to caregivers, whatever person in their lives is most loving toward them is the person most likely to suffer heaping tons of emotional, physical, financial, and verbal abuse as the cantankerous glutton issues proclamations and edicts expecting people to hop to it capitulating to any and all whims or excessive demands.
A word of advice to adult children of any narcissistic person — especially an SN personality type — is to be incredibly careful about protecting yourself financially and physically from them. The Narcissist will literally take and take until their caregiving Enabler has nothing left.
Whether a spouse or adult child of an SN collapses physically, socially, emotionally, or psychologically under the constant duress of their demands or C-PTSD issues end up causing them early death, the N will never mourn the loss or failure of the person who loved them the most and devoted their life to trying to protect, make excuses for, or trying to protect them from themselves. An adult child left in financial ruin with zero assets of their own seems to please rather than shame or embarrass them.
If an adult child dies, develops a chronic health problem due to stress, or spend every dime they make trying to improve the quality of life for a toxic parent, it’s their excuse to do a victory dance. Nearly all Narcissists spend a lifetime promising a target things like inheriting the family home, items of sentimental import, and family trust. Such “promises” of future benefit are used to trick children into willingly sacrificing their own best interest and family needs to theirs.
In nearly 100% of the cases we’ve studied, by the end of an SNs lifetime what children actually inherit is a mountain of unpaid bills and credit items their parent purchased on a whim that end up confiscated or taken back. Many wait until their dying days to change the terms of the will to write out their primary caregivers or whatever child gave up their own life to caring for the toxic parent. Others encourage sibling rivalry and manufacture such brutally dysfunctional triangulations between family members that literally, the people who are abusive by nature and nurture tend to show up, loot a property for pawnable valuables, and will bully to get their “share” of the SNs personal property and acquisition on their death.
The same pattern follows true for long-term spouses of most Cluster B personality types. People with Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder tend to keep preferred Enablers and Narcissistic Supply sources in their life longer, but will emulate people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Anti-Social Personality Disorder the more their health and physical appearance declines as they chronologically creep in age closer to the final door.
Setting back personal finances in a solo (rather than joint name) is advisable. Avoid expectation to inherit and instead focus on taking photos of personal property or sentimental items of import.
Take pictures wall to wall from the four corners of every room the next time you visit a Narcissistic parent. Ask to sort through family photos and use your camera phone to snap covert photos of any image you personally remember as being from a moment in time that was special.
Follow this same routine quarterly if you are married to one [noting that Somatic males are the most likely type to divorce their Co-Narcissist wives after 30 or 40 years of marriage, leaving them impoverished and traded in for two twenty-somethings (or some other guy) alarmingly regularly]. It is simply a smart habit to hope for the best but prepare for what is likely to be a discard situation that is likely to be inevitable.
The more money a man amasses, the more likely his peer group is to support the pattern. Conversely, the more likely a female is to take up with the hired help like pool boy, painter, landscaper, a neighbor, an employee of the company the husband owns, or some other man they met who dazzled them with physical or financial allure.
Do NOT put personal funds into a joint account with a narcissistic spouse or parent. If you do, understand to put in only what you can afford to lose when and if they choose to spend money without permission recklessly or to remove it without your knowledge or consent for themselves without ever bothering to return.
Loans are something banks give out. — neither a borrower nor a lender be. In the case of an N borrowing money, it’s smarter to gift them the case and report it as a gift on your taxes than to expect the money to return.
If you loan or give money to an SN friend or family member, understand it will seldom (if ever) be spent on anything other than on luxury items or wasteful things like drug or alcohol binges. As such, give without emotional attachment to how the money is spent to avoid feeling insulted, conned, enraged, or hurt.
If you don’t have money to give or refuse to enable a narcissistic person, keep your money in your own pocket or bank account without feeling guilty. While the Somatic Narcissist gets off on status, prestige, and acting like a winner (by implying constantly everyone they know or are jealous of are absolute losers), a kind-hearted person can and should strive to protect their own lifestyle quality by treating themselves as if they have equally relevant self-worth.
All are notorious for back-stabbing friends and co-workers. All compulsively smear campaign against spouses, ex-partners, and inevitably lie to, mislead, and betray those closest to them.