Men and women from all walks of life — including ages and socio-economic class stereotypes — have cheated on their romantic partners, it’s true. But what few people know or realize about cheaters is an average person can be conned into participating in a Love Fraud relationship or be brainwashed by a Cluster B person into engaging in serial cheating as well as conned into a romantic scam of sorts by romantic con artists out to get you.
When two people are married but a Cluster B social predator decided that one or more of the partners is someone they would like, the initial triangulation formally occurs. In many cases, the Cluster B person is a family friend with a Covert disorder; however, there are countless millions of cases where love fraud targets say they met their love interest at someplace like their church bible study group or at work.
Occasionally, the aggressor in a love triangle scenario is the actual Married cheater themselves. When that happens, trust not only is their mistress or love interest being lied to about the quality and nature of the married person’s relationship with their primary life partner, girlfriend, wife, husband, or boyfriend at home, but their romantic partner is likely to be clueless there’s even a problem in their relationship or marriage at home.
For the most part, however, people who encourage married or committed people to cheat are not simply enabling a cheater. They, themselves, are likely to have seriously complex, dark, and sinister personality types. They don’t hunt romance for love. People who encourage others to cheat with them are almost solely into it based on their sadistic interest in feeling powerful.
The sadistic paramour (the legal word for a love interest outside of a primary coupling, essentially)… the Sadist derives pleasure from putting other people’s good fortune at risk while deliberately causing other people deep levels of shame, humiliation, feelings of abject betrayal, and outright emotional pain.
Not only does the Sadist use Machiavellian social tactics to lie, con, and worm their way into the life or lives of their targeted individuals, where one person is desired as a conquest or possession, the Sadist is simply not interested in having a relationship with that person if they are single and no other love interest stands in their way.
You see, the Sexual Sadist — in the form of a mistress or paramour — is into total romantic, physical, personal, familial, and ultimately financial domination of their targeted future mate. The current love interest with an established marriage or longstanding, well-known public history of having been involved in a romantic relationship, will be treated like a non-person.
Human Rights will not be respected. Civil rights will be trampled, legally as well as morally. Civic expectations for being treated decently as a life partner will be thrown out the window.
All that will matter to the Sexual Sadist is doing all they can to foster and manufacture absolute destruction of the relationship between their love fraud target and any and all persons who stand in the way of their “winning” a social competition with a person they have targeted for preferred scapegoat target abuse (namely the cheated-on partner) and the man or woman who they feel offers them the greatest social and financial utility at the present moment.
The more likely the scapegoat is to be a nice person, the more tortuous and confusing the lies told about them will be. Unable to defend themselves against manipulative gaslighting and slander and at a total emotional loss to explain in rational terms why either the Sexual Sadist or the formerly loved and trusted romantic partner starts behaving so abusively, an emotionally and psychologically distraught scapegoat husband or wife is likely to keep reaching out to contact their marital partner.
Because while the Sexual Sadist and their new play toy are out galavanting around town “dating”, the jilted spouse or life partner is likely to A) have no idea about where their partner is, to B) have been told there is NO AFFAIR GOING ON and that it’s ALL IN THE MIND of the “insecure and jealous” mate, and C) that they are the love of the life of the person who, for all practical intents and purposes, starts behaving erratically and keeps turning up MISSING.
When a person who is cheating has a history of something like drug or alcohol abuse, known mental health issues, and has exhibited over time a pattern of either pulling random disappearing acts or going on benders, the resident partner manning the fort at home is (sadly) more likely to cut that person slack. Following nearly every stunt, the penitent purveyor of pain hoovers like there is no tomorrow!
Expect a cheater to behave abusively before they leave home, manufacturing chaos and creating an unstable home environment where everyone is forced to walk on eggshells sometimes weeks, months, or years before it’s ever found out they are being encouraged to betray the people who know them best and love them the most. Many behave erratically — almost as if they have Borderline Personality Disorder — once they themselves have been targeted by a stronger social or emotional predator.
For instance, a person with a high level of Narcissism might cheat regularly on the sly with narcissistic people — such as men into scoring notches on their bedpost, same-sex lovers on the down low, or people who (for whatever reason) don’t like to have a lot of strings attached when it comes to their sex life. When a man or woman cheats with a person who has no INTEREST in sabotaging their family, marriage, or home life, occasionally they do get caught having a clandestine affair, but for the most part the cheated on partner is treated with a position of honor, apologetically and with honest “didn’t mean to hurt you” care.
Young women are prone to entering into Sugar Daddy relationships with married men based on the premise that the married male seeks occasional “off the record” sexual or emotional companionship. In many cultures, men have always kept one woman at home tending the estate management and raising the children while he did business and kept one or more deferent, polite, and socially out of the public eye long-term mistresses.
In Italian culture, for example, there are many married men who are good to their wives at home but still engage actively with their other lovers. Most Catholic men and women around the world are aware, but the topic is only brought up when and if they are speaking in confidence about the extramarital affair to their local priest during confession.
Think about Carmela Soprano on the HBO television series “The Sopranos”. Having been born in the United States and only knowing the Cluster B influenced Italian AMERICAN version of the social practice, both Tony and his Somatic Narcissist bride are likely to believe that domestic abuse, male wandering, and Cluster B romantic ideals of placing one deluded and selfish, controlling woman in an ivory tower and keeping her there on a pedestal where she cannot see what her abusive and serial LOSER hubby is the height of social and spiritual success for both lives.
[Read up on PRIMOGENITURE to understand the envy of status second and third born sons had for elder brothers to understand the plight of many American Immigrant Cluster B personality types. No one is saying people are wrong to aspire — but people who are willing to do or say whatever it takes to seek financial status or social power in life reflect Somatic Narcissist values imbibed heavily with an Aristarchian, Machiavellian, and “rode hard” personality style.]
Tony Soprano cheats openly with multiple women, strippers, and paid escorts… but Carmella’s financial needs are always met, his children are provided with the best of everything without duress, and she is essentially left socially and professionally up to her own devices. She runs the house and cooks the meals, coordinates all the children’s activities, manages the household staff, spends all her free time doing things like exercising and going to the beauty parlor, and at the end of the day he looks her right in the eye with absolute gaslighting confidence and tells her that he is not a cheater.
In the meantime, not only does she suspect he’s lying, all her friends and his know she’s both a greedy, Somatic, self-interested, co-Narcissist Enabler and a woman who puts her own desire for luxury and creature comforts above both self-esteem and her own children’s social and emotional well being in life. Not only is her husband a career criminal who she covers for and supports, she enables her own abuse — sweeping known affair details under the rug and spending the rest of her life alternating bragging about her husband’s vast wealth and social power to friends while secretly living a very emotionally, sexually, and spiritually impoverished private life.
Romance, to the Somatic cheater-enabling or abuse-enabling spouse, always seems to come at a price. The husband caught cheating is likely to respond by buying the wife expensive gifts — cars, jewelry, lavish vacations, fur coats, designer handbags, whatever object is likely to dazzle the shallow Somatic side of their abuse enabler. Then, he’s likely to lay low for a while until her trust and confidence in her romantic interest in HIM starts to once again “honeymoon phase” after a successful hoovering arises.
Addicted to the cycle of Narcissistic Abuse by triangulation, the wife knows full well how long she can milk being mad or withhold prostate maintenance sex from the serial cheating mate, as well as how far she can go with regards to speaking out when in a heightened state or emotional distress. If he’s penitent, she’s likely to continue to rage… until he pulls a flip-flop act and shuts her down. If he stonewalls and refuses to listen anymore to her endless prattling about his past affairs, she’s left with one of two options.
Either suppress from her family and friends the knowledge that he’s untrustworthy, abusing sacred trusts, and that she’s living in a persistent domestic abuse situation to save face while staying, or she can tell him to step off and risk being left to fend for herself, living on the streets (essentially) with little to no continued financial support for either herself or the family children. Many times, women forced into having to choose between keeping a roof over their children’s head and their own personal dignity will make the selfish choice and decide to stay.
A new set of car keys to an expensive vehicle and a country club membership to the tennis or golf club of their choice not only keeps them shut up and busy, but the new diamond ring or expensive watch he bought off the back of the truck are chits used to buy continued silence about the ongoing affairs on 99% of at least Sundays and holidays.
In dynamics where a Somatic Narcissist remains in a marital arrangement with, say, a Sociopath, Narcopath, or a Dark Triad figure, the only thing that’s made clear to the family and children is that mommy enables daddy at the expense of offspring. Offspring, then, having been raised to overlook lies, cheating, social scandal, their parents open passive-aggression towards one another, and voluntary enmeshment, learn not only does marriage mean very little, but that love is a complex, brutal, painfully shallow but deeply twisted emotion.
Children of co-narcissistic parents (such as in families where mom overlooks dad’s behavior or dad overlooks the very real fact that mom has been banging his company office manager, the handyman, and their friendly local house painter) tend to grow up with a totally distorted idea of what being in love means as well as no clue how to be a halfway decent romantic partner.
Boys are taught to marry a woman with an Enabler personality who has no career or academic ambition, while keeping a slew of “hot” escorts, mistress, and strippers (both on and off the clock) on the side. Young women are taught to make themselves look as physically appealing as possible, how to dance seductively, how to sing or play a musical parlor style instrument to entertain, to engage in fitness routines like gymnastics or working out at a gym for the sole purpose of striving to craft a more sexually appealing aesthetic appearance (not for health but to empower them when it comes time to engage in pursuit of a marriage partner or sexual conquest), and more.
Young women are raised from day one to play the pretty-pretty princess role with the aspiration being to turn themselves into a housemaid and shuttle service for their children as their life’s work. Men are taught to keep a family at home financially and materially supported, while they are encouraged by toxic peers to “love a little”, indulge in binge drinking or drug benders, and to keep striving to impress their buddies by landing some new young, dumb, and or easily manipulated hot looking girl.
In the case of many Sociopaths with narcissistic temperaments, cheating on the down low is done in private or enabled by the help of a tight-knit social circle. Be wary of men who exhibit all the hallmark traits of Somatic Narcissism. If they want to take their buddy on a golfing or sport fishing adventure minus the wives, it’s 99.9999999% certain that there will be escorts or single women prone to acting like narcopathic bimbos along for the ride.
When men and women who are socially encouraged to remain married for better or for worse get it into their head that they are staying together come hell or high water, the couple may benefit financially from NOT having to do things like give up half their life earnings or to take on the enormously costly house-selling and asset splitting. As such, decades might pass by in the blink of an eye, leaving them looking like they are financially (at least) set for life.
But lying and saying they are staying together for the sake of the kids — especially when the children are emotionally sensitive and aware that their parents are not the loving power couple they strive to make all their friends and professional relations suspect — is truly one of the more caustic forms of child abuse by blame-shifting. The idea that a child, having had no say in being born, is the sole reason for one or both of their parents remaining in a cold, loveless, abusive, or dysfunctional marriage, is likely to mess the offspring up psychologically, emotionally, and sexually for LIFE.
In cases where a Sexual Sadist stakes a claim on a LoveFraud Target, kids are likely to see the step-parent figure for what they are (sick, twisted, and abusive). The children see the cheating parent as both being used by the new conquest as well as being a person who willfully betrays and persists in relentlessly targeting the co-parent. And the residential caretaker parent, typically the person who is smear campaigned against, treated like an emotional pinata as preferred Narcissistic Abuse target, is left looking weak in the eyes of the children they THINK they are staying in the marriage to protect.
It’s dumb. The entire triangulation.
The kids are pitted against parents, or triangulated themselves by toxic adults into situations likely to foster nothing other than toxic forms of sibling rivalry. The co-parents are made to feel suspicious of one another as the Sexual Sadist will do things like situationally abuse or provoke the discard pile partner then make up complex lies and tales not only falsely proclaiming their own innocence but painting the ex in such a negative light to the Love Fraud target that they are likely to lash out at the innocent party being smear campaigned.
The jilted ex is told they are the cause of the problem. That they are worthless and don’t even deserve to be treated like a human being.
The Abuser lands themselves typically in a position of both social advantage and financial gain. Then, they get to start playing the OBSESSED EX, passive-aggressive triangulation manufacturing game. The new partner will be treated like royalty — given every gift the discard pile ex ever expressed an interest in having. They will be moved to the house or neighborhood where the scapegoat, kind and loving partner spent years of hard work aspiring to themselves attain, sullying both the memory of the desire and all the positive memories of times where they shared all their dreams and hopes innocently with their romantic partner back when they still thought that person was trustworthy.
The OBSESSED EX is typically the leaving person — not the person who was abandoned or betrayed romantically in the most brutal of ways. When an innocent spouse confronts a cheater and stops being impressed by their mate, the result — if the serial cheater is Dark Triad with PSYCHOPATHIC or sociopathic tendencies and passive-aggressive traits — is the cheater, in essence, perceives themselves to be a REJECTED SUITOR.
From that point forward, if they are able to land themselves in a new romantic relationship with someone whose personality type is either exactly like theirs, has a tendency toward Malignant Narcissism, or the new partner is a Sexual Sadist heavily enamored with the promotion of Somatic Narcissism, look out. Their goal is typically to completely socially, emotionally, and financially ruin the Serial Cheater’s ex in favor of themselves.
It’s the difference between rising together as a family unit based on collaborative, mutually respectful behavior and a leviathan rising to power by trampling the fundamental moral and civil rights of anyone the monster perceives to be a competitor or useless lesser. When philosopher Thomas Hobbes described life as nasty, poor, brutish and short for the people of his native England back in the day while striving to justify the practical need for a monarchy, he described what is the fate of many social abuse or domestic abuse victims who over time (after being repeatedly traumatized) develop stress-related illnesses and C-PTSD.
An internet search for OBSESSED EX SYNDROME is likely to turn up a handful of articles about how discard pile targets are treated by Dark Triads after their sycophantic mistress or lovers gain a foothold as con-artists to self-promote their own lifestyle. But understand this…
People with a proclivity for Somatic Narcissism and Sexual Sadist can only psychologically and emotionally get themselves off with self-stroking behaviors when and if they manufacture the illusion that they have somehow “won” and continue to “win” the attention of their lovers. That means, without an alleged jealous ex pining for their targeted acquisition or their friends thinking their mate is either sexually attractive or a status-providing prospect, they have absolutely zero reason to remain with their mate.
Lacking a triangulated third — whether an ex they HOPE still holds their jilting mate in esteem to battle and crush or some new prospective sexual conquest lurking about that can be vanquished — they literally cannot get themselves off. Whether engaging in sex with their sub or they are masturbating, literally, most Sexual Sadists cannot functionally reach climax without fantasizing about their own grandiose nature.
The Sexual Sadist requires fantasies about real life domination scenarios to derive any sense of personal satisfaction in everyday life or any form of physical romantic pleasure. Make up sex and trauma bonding are their weapons of choice used to gain and keep their mate’s attention, alternating between snarking their partner, treating them horribly, verbally abusing them by constantly making antagonistic remarks shame or criticize or by using caustic humor to ridicule.
The Dark Triad, fully mature, typically has betrayed the young love interest or interests of their life in every way imaginable. Knowing full well the moral crimes against their family and loved ones that the commit, many turn to drugs and alcohol to help them forget the true nature of the heinous romantic and personal sins they commit.
Their children manifest a lifetime of psychological, social, and emotional problems as a result, further traumatizing the kinder and more honestly loving co-parent. The FIRST WIVES CLUB is not a joke… but to the Serial Cheater who perceives anyone who tried to stop him (or her) from traveling in life down a dark path with no bright future in sight like they were or are an enemy, not only did whoever tried to save a marriage or stop their mate from pushing dominoes sure to damage everyone’s collective life deserve social abuse, financial abuse, and unlimited amounts of shaming ridicule — they deserve to be exiled and treated like garbage for no other sin than having acted from a place of love with honesty, integrity, and “please don’t kill the messenger” foresight.
The only way to avoid feeling like you are trapped in an ongoing episode rerun of “The Sopranos” or “Jersey Shore” is to do all you can to end the enmeshment with toxic people and all their supporters. Kids who grow up having to work for material comforts in life tend to appreciate not only acquiring spoils of labor but they all tend to learn the value of family, teamwork ethics, and labor.
Children raised in homes riddled with ambient abuse vibes, triangulating parents, and with shifty step-parents all tend to turn out one way. DAMAGED and likely to themselves become either abusive by nature or culturally nurtured abuse ENABLERS.
Whether you are married with no children or you are a co-parent, understand the self-help advice is pretty much the same. Having children with your abuser does not grandfather gift you a karma-free hall pass to stay and play.
Go LOW to NO CONTACT with any person or peer group who in any way, shape, or forms encourages cheating, helps cover it up, or strives to manufacture Somatic Narcissist triangulations in any way. Disengaging from social abusers as early in life as they are actively identified is the only true way to save the life of yourself as a victim as well as to be a proper role model for young children who truly base their core beliefs on what their earliest caregivers in life not only do but also say.