Pleasing others successfully — for an Empath or HSP — is the pinnacle of self-actualization Maslow arguably referred to when discussing his psychological treatise on the human “Hierarchy of Needs”. Whether narcissistic people act like Grumpy Cat on holidays or every day of the year, the important thing for any self-respecting People Pleaser to realize during any holiday seasons is their Abuser(s) are likely to be even more cantankerous, caustic, and ridiculing than they are normally on every other day or average week.
“Narcy” [narcissistic] people who act grumpy in order to control the emotional and psychological reactions of other people are covertly manipulating, plain and simple. To demean and ridicule a people pleaser by invalidating their very nature damages most to the core. Issues of C-PTSD or seasonal PTSD commonly arise for those who are repeatedly targeted, unsupported, abandoned, victimized, or otherwise situationally and seasonally traumatized.
Cerebral Narcissists in the psychiatric or mental health professions have been abusing patients for years preaching gaslighting talk to everyone about Empaths. Unable to understand emotionally a desire to help (rather than harm or use) others, narcissistic people have universally engaged in a war to shame empathy. Somatic Narcissists cannot wait to tell you all about how much they paid for that over-priced outfit, new car, or gift item while simultaneously casting aspersions against whatever company made it or over-praising a lousy person, company, or customer service experience.
If you have nothing more to be thankful for this holiday season or at any special event other than being comforted by the fact you have a core understanding of why narcissistic abuse is wrong, take solace. Be comforted by the fact that you found this article that gave you all the right key terms and key phrases to help you do research to understand various personality types (including your own).
Most of all be grateful that you, yourself, are able to resist the urge to walk around 24 hours a day, seven days a week feeling the need to self-indulge, self-promote, self-aggrandize, and functionally socially emotionally disconnect.
Don’t feel compelled to force people who hate holidays to spend them with you or to feel obligated as an adult child of toxic parents to spend every bloody holiday or special occasion gutting through having to endure abuse. Set healthy boundaries and without malice enforce them.
If someone insists on making Grumpy Cat faces at a party, let them say hello if they want but politely let them excuse themselves from attending a party. Let it be okay for folks to refuse to participate in playing party games or celebrating traditional events. If someone is going to be mean, choosing to avoid having to interact with them is absolutely the healthiest decision one could make for themselves in order to self-protect while respecting the desire of the abusive person to be left out, left alone, or in a bad mood.
Sometimes by not including a narcissist with a case of holiday blues, you might cause them to actually be allowed to have a nice day. If they can’t be pleased by including them, go “gray rock” and leave them alone to do the lame shit they all seem to universally choose to do.
And don’t forget to cut yourself some slack, either. None of us are perfect except in our imperfection. As long as you keep your eye on the proverbial brass ring “empathy” prize, all good things this holiday season and throughout the coming years inevitably will come to you. Whether you are trying to please a toxic mother, toxic father, toxic grandparent, extended family member, a relative related by marriage, or they are simply a person you happen to come across in your daily course of business, some people simply refuse to allow another person to “win” by being allowed to feel appreciated for trying in any way, shape, or form to please them.
Consider yourself a resounding success if you tried to be nice to someone or do something thoughtful. Even if the gift or effort was not appreciated, that says something about the Grumpy Cats. If they refused to be pleased, show appreciation, or live their life even noticing how many other people have done nice things over the years that have directly benefited THEM, it has absolutely nothing to do with anything you could have done, not done, or possibly could be held morally or physically responsible for doing.
Trust us — you are NOT ALONE or being oversensitive about feeling bullied, unloved, and unappreciated. People who have full-fledged personality disorders love the situational opportunity to publicly and privately ridicule, demean, devalue, and (if they can) exclude, shun, or emotionally isolate sensitive people. It’s their favorite Christmas gift to give themselves, the Grumpy Cat personality types.
People with Cluster B personality disorders, who are egocentric by nature, or are culturally inspired to bully, engage in mobbing attacks on targets, or who take great pleasure in openly antagonizing their favorite scapegoats all unilaterally use holiday times as a blame-shifting excuse for why they abuse.
There is no truer story than that told by Narcissistic Abuse victims generation after generation claiming that no matter how hard they tried, their narcissistic, self-centered, and heartless Sociopath relatives simply could not be pleased. Save yourself the emotional and physical stress of having your hopes let down and your heart being broken time and time again by such socially dangerous and predatory peeps.
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