Mean people suck. All of them are toxic. Pretty much so everyone who does not have a Cluster B personality disorder can tell you that. The kicker is, not only do they suck, but after they have done something morally repugnant or downright hateful, they expect victims to swallow.
Here is a relatively easy to remember red flag warning list of covertly narcissistic personality types. Taken from an article titled “Narcissists Suck: More on the Diversion Game”, the blog author shared further agreement that most narcissistic people are, if nothing else, compulsive manipulators and attention seekers.
If you or someone you know is being abused, understand that subtle gaslighting or manipulation of a target for any reason that promotes the abuser above the victim is considered abusive. Beware the following emotional vampires and predatory attention-seeking personality types — unless, that is, you are keen on being utterly betrayed or treated as a disposable narcissistic supply:
Generous – but she was very stingy with gifts and her time.
Helpful – not around when my sister and I gave birth to any of her grandchildren.
Sincere – will smile to your face, then loves to gossip and make fun about what you said, did after you leave.
Loyal – but she will cut you off and sever all contact as soon as you offend her in anyway.
Loving – refuses to have any contact with her grandchildren.
Truthful – denies ever saying things that hurt people, lies about events and what took place and what people said, lies about being able to see her grandchildren.
Humble – refuses to ever say she is sorry to anyone, has pathological pride.
Respectful – yet hurls venomous insults that strip you of your self esteem (I have been called selfish, greedy, rich b*tch, demon possessed, liar, evil, backstabber, etc.
Longsuffering – easily offended at any insult real or imagined. Forgiving – harbors grudges and gives silent treatment for months and years on end, will never let you forget a trespass against her.
Henry Fielding, Narcissists Suck Blogspot
Figuring out what kind of Narcissist you might be dealing with is step one of Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. For starters, stop swallowing the nonsense that comes flying out of their mouth… you know. Stuff like they are sorry or you are too sensitive.
Stop listening to the person who tells you in detail a full grocery store ticket account of all they have paid or done for you. They are not generous if services or money spent was done keeping a tally in order to use against a partner at a future time.
Understand that a person who will tell you things “for your own good” has an agenda. Sometimes the agenda is kind; more often than not, however, it is absolutely riddled with gaslighting.
The sincere sounding narcissist talks a great game — playing innocent, eliciting sympathy, selling the Brooklyn Bridge to pay for their darling, departed saint of a father’s funeral. Oh, BTW — apparently he and their grandmother have each personally died and been buried at least four times.
The Narcissist who brags about themselves being loyal or worse… demanding loyalty? Ummmm… yeah. The ultimate in two-faced, manipulative mind game players, an honest word seldom is something anyone of them will let slip or slide without immediately striving to duck, cover, recant it, or hide.
Love is a four-letter word to people who grow up with narcissistic parents. Love equals control, competition, conquest, victory, domination, subjugation, role-playing, gaming… anything but actual loving acts of contrition or communication.
Truth is in the eye… wait. No. Mouth. Truth is in the MOUTH of a Narcissist who wants you to believe whatever revisionist history or gaslighting publicity spin they promote while striving to con people who trust them most.
Grandiosity is key to a narcissistic person’s persona. Even if they are shy narcissists who pretend to be humble, after listening to them carefully and testing them Coverts can’t hide the very real fact they think they know it all and are absolutely better than everybody. Humble is simply not in their nature. If a person you know who is abusive pretends to be self-deprecating, understand it’s nothing more than a ploy to trick people into believing they are in any way, shape, or form capable of introspecting about their own life or life history personally. Humbleness, to them, is perceived as another person acting weak.
Respectful behavior is out the window around a narcy person. The more malignant or extreme the personality disorder, the more likely the Narcissist is to demand they be given everyone’s full and undivided attention. Then, they proceed to rip any collateral damage victims and their intended target or targets apart with vitriolic monstrosity. Puff goes the dragon? Not in Narcy Denver. In the narcissistic person’s mind, they get to do or say whatever they want at any given time without repercussions or responsibility — but no other soul on the planet has needs equal to or as important as their own. Truly egocentric in logistical thinking, every word they choose instinctively fosters some form of insult, manufactures chaos, triangulates, or covertly assails somebody covertly.
The most difficult N to have to deal with is the Long-Suffering Narcissist — that poor soul who cannot bring themselves to treat other people respectfully or grant them any dignity. To them, not only are they the center of the known universe, they are to be worshiped. Anyone who refuses to fall immediately prostrate at their feet is to be punished for their insubordination perpetually. Having preferred scapegoat targets from every walk of life makes it easy for the N to rant and rave to get attention on social media websites, blog posts, and forums.
In the absence of receiving positive praise, the disgruntled, vulnerable, and “injured” Narcissist will intentionally manufacture chaos. Why? Because without the opportunity to trauma bond with their victims by alternating good-bad behavior, the N keeps the attention spotlight all to himself or herself. Taking negative drama and turning it into a win for them having successfully created it, the covertly manipulative Narcissist hyperstimulates their own lackluster emotions following the same worn out and predictable pattern time after time.
Fortunately for those of us on the planet who do not have Cluster B personality disorders, we can change or self-educate to protect ourselves for impulsively trusting bad guys. The mean girl or bully boy from the schoolyard who grew up to marry their high school sweetheart, skipped college, and dove headfirst into a shallow or Somatic Narcissist lifestyle?
They simply don’t have a functional ability to comprehend how their garish behavior creates a prison of sorts, one that traps them indefinitely in a cage of their own making for the rest of their natural-born life. Victims of such predatory personalities unilaterally report that most of their real stress abates when and if they go totally NO CONTACT with an abuser, they master the art of how to go GRAY ROCK, or the offensive person DIES.
But don’t get overwhelmed and launch yourself into a full-blown anxiety attack thinking about your future and the prospect that you are likely to be abused every day you stay… for the rest of YOUR natural born empathic life. Covert Narcissists all bend the same rules and suck predictably by habit.
One can truly count on them to make the wrong decision every opportunity push comes to shove. Typically, Ns are the type of people who will cut off their own nose to spite their face — then have a plastic surgeon glue it back on straighter than before (when and if they are the Somatic Narcissist rather than Cerebral Narcissist personality type).
Better to blow a relationship with a narcy person than to forevermore be known as the abuse victim who does not simply set healthy boundaries. Men and women who are raised by healthy parents who treat one another respectfully do not seem to statistically have any or many of the same problems as Adult Children of Narcissists. They tend to bail immediately and without remorse when and if even one lie or disrespectful statement is made to them by an abusive predator or narcissistic person.