Children of Narcissists who are emotionally sensitive or mature often times wonder why they tend to feel ostracized and picked on by their family members rather than included. The same questions arise for any child of a group with anti-social tendencies.
The answer to why they feel so ridiculed and left out is because they functionally are when and if their family or residential peer group consists of one or more people with narcissistic Cluster B personality disorders. Why? Because people who are narcissistic by nature tend to exhibit pack mentality by nurture.
Narcissism and the actions of people with NPD [Narcissistic Personality Disorder] are tough to understand for most people. It’s even harder to understand sometimes when and if you are the direct target of Narcissistic Abuse — such as a person who has been bullied, shamed, smear campaigned against, exiled from a family, you never get picked for a team in PE, whatever…
Understanding normal people seek team success (like ants) is a huge way to get through the wake-up process if you have been raised by a toxic family of Narcissistic people who act abusively to other people (like predators).
Cluster B personalities exhibit pack mentality with regard to their social network, meaning that although narcissistic predators tend to form cliques of predatory peers they do not cooperatively support one another the way average human friends or family members do. Pack behavior is based on a mentality that assigns a natural pecking order — with the leader being the meanest, strongest predator in the group.
In a healthy, functional, and thriving team environment, there are assigned roles for non-narcissistic people groups based on strength… meaning there is no competition within a working structure except to improve as a whole in order to be successful in a competitive environment with other teams. If you are wondering why your narcissistic family constantly tears one another to shreds with jabs and barbs (instead of supporting one another and praising each other’s strengths), it is truly nothing to take personally.
If you naturally have the ability to feel empathy and they only biologically have limited capacity, your answer is right there about why they chose you to scapegoat. Now that you realize that people with Cluster B personality types exist and are the kind of people who promote themselves over others no matter what the situational ethical circumstances, it’s easy to give yourself permission to depersonalize verbal abuse (at the very least).
Going Low Contact to No Contact with verbally abusive personalities or Covert Narcissists who consistently strive to invalidate, shame, ridicule, or undermine is not only smart, it’s moral.
Because ultimately, if a child is throwing a temper tantrum in a room full of adults, you take it out, right?
Think about dealing with Narcissists and narcissistic people this way — like children. Compulsive attention-seeking and egocentric behavior is their M.O. [modus opperendi].
Once you figure out that the average, run of the mill Narcissist, Sociopath, or Psychopath typically does not mature beyond the age of six (emotionally speaking), it becomes much easier to understand how grown adults can behave in ways that seem so childish. If humans mature based on emotional intelligence rather than based on chronological age, IQ, or educational achievement, then the narcy crowd stops maturing right around the first or second grade, with Somatic Narcissists and Cerebral Narcissists figuring out status and academic prestige competitions in the grade schools wins them attention for looking, talking, or acting smart.
It’s also easier not to take their ugly, critical, and demeaning antagonistic remarks to heart in any way. They want to snub you for what you wear, how you look, or for behaving in a kind and ethical way?
Stop esteeming their opinions in any way. Start thinking about the long term success of humanity as a team. It becomes super easy to know who to vote off the island for compulsively manufacturing chaos and for always promoting the best interest of themselves over others in every way.
Smart dressers who grow up obsessed with how they look, what labels they wear, and who’s important, famous, or popular that they know become the duck-lipped sycophants we all see posting about themselves and their own greatness on Facebook with alarming regularity. They never make the meaningful psychological and emotional connects to other people, art, or literature that people capable of feeling the emotion empathy do starting in those younger grade school eras.
To them, they hear a story and are proud to tell everyone they know that they read it, know it, or heard it if the book wins an award or the title is well known. Ask them the meaning of a book, the moral of a story, or to introspect and write a meaningful paper about it? Watch the narcissistic person miss the point entirely. To cover up or hide their lack of meaningful comprehension, what does the Somatic Narcissist do? Breaks apart the story or lesson of the day from a superficial, antagonistic perspective — telling everyone why the piece of art, the artist, the book, the writer, the painter, whatever should be (in their opinion) totally discredited, their work demeaned, and they themselves caustically ridiculed.
A Cerebral Narcissist — on the other hand — won’t do something so foolish as insulting what an artist or author looks like in order to try to discredit their work or bring down the figure’s reputation in such a way that socially and emotionally demeans. Oh no… the cerebral will tell you why the work is stupid, pointless, or just plain worthless — in detail.
Cerebral Narcissists have the IQ that allows them to intellectually conceptualize the meaning or moral in art and literature. What they fundamentally cannot do, however, is connect on an emotional or meaningful psychological level.
No matter how clever and witty their barbs and jabs make them sound on a superficial level while they deliberately demean and insult other people’s intellectual property or physical efforts to produce art or literature with cultural significance, truly all they reveal is a shallow and simplistic nature in themselves.
Without the ability to connect in an intelligent way with other human beings on a social and emotional level, their analysis of other people’s works is limited to critique only.
Intellectually gifted but psychologically and emotionally handicapped, the Cerebral Narcissist has no ability to internalize the meaning of a piece and use it to connect them psychologically to other human beings in such a way that leaves them feeling functionally connected to an artist or author’s work.
Musicians have the best chance of reaching normal humans, Somatic Narcissists, and Cerebral Narcissists via their artistic medium. Many Narcissists report strong connections to music — although they typically are unable to report a meaningful connection to lyrics or words.
Why do these distinctions matter?
Because the Somatic Narcissists can be found at the local dance club. They will either be dressed to the nines in an effort to impress and outshine one another or their women will be dressed in the most garish, eye-catching, and sexually revealing ensemble they can use to draw attention to themselves while remaining legally covered.
You can spot the Somatic Narcissist making duck lips in their camera phones. Their greatest achievement in life is grinding their crotch against some glamoured person’s leg while thumping jungle drum beats psychologically entrain and captivate their enthusiasm on the dance floor.
Groups of Somatic Narcissists tend to hang out in packs. They will compete among themselves, talk horribly behind one another’s backs, and all clearly disrespect one another — but these same groups of people are the first to huddle up to make fun of someone else’s outfit. They are also the mean girls from high school roaming the halls looking down their noses at those they deem less attractive or less financially fortunate — the jocks from the football squad who hang out in the gym and admire one another’s ass but always have the trophy girl hanging on their arm in public to socially dazzle and impress.
Cerebral Narcissists pack together in academics and also tend to engage in fiercely competitive narcissistic rivalries in workplace environments. If these guys are at the club, look for them to be wearing professional attire. They cannot compete in looks and appearance with the Somatic Narcissists so they tend to rely on talking down to other people to make themselves look bigger at the expense of whatever scapegoat or target they hope will feel smaller.
These people are the ones who play grammar Nazi, intentionally refusing to give credence to a communicated message because of a typo. Understand that when they behave so immaturely that it’s truly only the exactitude of grammar that impresses them — seldom does a Cerebral Narcissist comprehend more than the mathematical elegance of a well-written piece of literature.
They will miss the point of impressionist painting truly because they fail to be able to emotionally connect with the feeling the artist was trying to convey in a piece. More sophisticated than the Somatic, the Cerebral is still not — as a human being — emotionally or psychologically complete.
It’s in that very incompleteness of nature that the Narcissist or narcissistic personality remains functionally estranged from all the human beings they know. They fail to connect with family members in their own household just as much as they do when they pass by a stranger on the street.
Do Narcissists understand from a biological perspective that they need other people to succeed? Yes. All humans know on an instinctive level that we need parents to raise us and other people to help us do things like build shelters, hunt for, gather, or raise food, and to help protect us from outside attackers.
Narcissists exhibit pack behaviors the same way Lions, Wolves, or Wild Dogs do. Once a group forms, the pecking order changes as one of them gains social or physical power.
Money is oftentimes the deciding factor about who runs a narcissistic peer group pack. But it can be physical prowess, too — ranging from better looks to brute force strength to highest IQ. Think about Stephen Hawking’s contemporaries — or the former associates and co-workers of Steve Jobs.
Can you see how someone hanging out with one of those guys might choose to intellectually or financially defer in a group setting to them being Alpha with regard to their social roles?
How about someone who spends time around a Hollywood A-Lister like Kim Kardashian? Do you think anyone in her posse really is going to say they are in any way, shape, or form better looking than her?
Packs of roaming predators are problematic in modern social environments because they tend to act like social terrorists. Limiting their ability to amass wealth and power is the right thing for the greater collective to strive to do as an act of radical self-care.
How does one do that ethically? The answer is simple.
If average humans stop bowing down to bullies and other social predators in schoolyards, at home, and at work, there are far more of “us” than there are of “them” (meaning the no-goods). People of goodwill uniting to esteem other contemporaries with kind natures is the right way to literally save the world.
Start thinking like ants instead of primates. Then and only then can human beings stop competing for prestige, wealth, and status and start working cooperatively together to build a better future for both ourselves and all our future ancestors.