Mommy Dearest personality types are extremely abusive
Love Fraud, Mommy Dearest, This Just In

How to spot an abusive female before, during, or after marriage

If you think only men are guilty of abusing their family, children, and romantic partners, you are likely to have been grossly misinformed or are dangerously uneducated about personality disorders.

Cluster B females are just as prevalent in society as men, but many are able to fool the general public about their covert nature due to their male partners and child abuse victims feeling too powerless and ashamed to actually report them.

Cluster B women abuse their dating partners, their own family members, their co-workers, exes, and they tend to psychologically ruin their own children. If you have not actually put a ring on the finger of one of these types yet, here is a quick summary of — if you say, “I do” at the altar — what to expect.

Have you ever read the book “Misery” by author Stephen King? Think about being held captive for months or years on end with nobody able to hear your screams.

Before marriage she will fawn all over you, never giving you a moment alone. She praises you and tells you-you are better than your friends, better than your co-workers, better than your biological family… better, literally than every human being on the planet and she is likely to insist you ditch everyone you know.

Once you are isolated from friends and family and completely feeling like you and she are inseparably close, the devaluation game is likely to start.

You are trash. You are garbage. You are beneath her.

She is Joan Crawford. Her wire hanger is never far from her grasp or physical reach.

You are stupid. You are a failure.

She has no idea why she bothered to even date you, let alone marry you.

Before a break-up or discard pile event, the devaluation stage is likely to go on in a household for as many weeks, months, years, or decades that the man being abused in the relationship will let it.

Domestic abuse is prevalent in households that feature a toxic mother figure as much or more than ones with known violent and abusive fathers. The abuse is kept hidden from doctors, school faculty. neighbors, friends, extended family, and religious affiliations in the community (i.e. from other church members).

Abusive mothers raise abusive daughters and teach men to fear and disrespect or to hate women. They are obsessed typically with their own sense of prestige and status, caring more about superficial things like looks, the cost of the cars she drives (compared to those of her friends), the prestige of their neighborhood, or the financial price of designer garb than they tend to be about things like behaving in ways that are socially or civically pro-social.

If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy! — she brags with delight. If daddy is miserable or the kids are emotionally crippled, that is their problem.

In her mind, if someone she traumatizes is left feeling used and abused, it is their own fault for caring or for trying to be nice. They should have known better or tried harder to please her — knowing full well in advance she is likely to be the totally unappreciative, financial and emotional gold digger type.

What other people outside the home think or believe about her is far more important than the personal or private opinions of her own family members. She will care, for instance, more about paying for the perfect family portrait photos to be taken or about something like having a portrait of herself painted, than she will about the psychological, physical, or emotional well-being of her own mate or any resultant children.

If the woman you love or live with does these things, it’s time to get help for your own sake — not hers.  The abusive female ALWAYS takes care of her own needs and priority desires or whims before throwing crumbs to any others.

The abusive and controlling woman keeps track of every move you make. She is beyond insecure, tending to behave like a prison warden who delights in abusing her prisoners.

The more Malignant her personality type is, the more likely she is to engage in helicopter parent behaviors. This is problematic because she feels entitled to parent her spouse or romantic partners, criticizing them for every little thing they do or do not do for no other real reason than to make their own ego feel big while causing their target to feel small.

The littlest of things will set them off. Spiraling into random rages and perpetually scheming to manufacture chaos, they berate their partners in front of the children, then berate the offspring for acting like the male parent.

When a toxic female sets her sights on a love interest, their immediate goal is to conquer first using love-bombing tactics.  Once they feel their mark is trauma bonded to them sufficiently, they tend to badger and devalue their mate using verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse tactics until they are totally broken in spirit.

Constantly claiming their mates are unfaithful or hoping that they will be so they will have an excuse to punish and further dominate, the abusive female demands social fidelity. Men involved with abusive women are severely punished at home if their mate finds out, for instance, that they did something as simple as having a conversation with an ex about a co-parenting issue or for smiling at a stranger you bump into accidentally in line or in the produce section of a grocery store.

Connect the Dots
Narcissistic people use denial as a brainwashing technique

Truly malignant women tend to get more dictatorial and egocentric over time, not less. By the time most of them reach their late forties and early fifties, they tend to grow exceedingly jealous of other women as well as of any time their partner spends at work or in the social company of other men.

Preventing you from seeking help or outside assistance with domestic abuse is a primary goal of most abusive females. They will lie to all their friends, family, co-workers, the authorities, church members, and extended family members about their own behavior while gaslighting pervasively to make their victims look like the actual social predators.

Isolating targets is key to their success. Children will be hyper-controlled and dominated. Male romantic partners (or female ones) will be prevented from seeing friends and family, be forced to miss or quit work,  forced to remain underemployed to cater to the attention demands of the female, and efforts to improve life or career by attending school will typically be met with extreme hostility and passive aggression.

Want to have a glass of wine or a cocktail with friends after work? Expect to be verbally brutalized, accused of being the moral equivalent of the scourge of the earth.

She will get furious if you go out socializing, but “girls night out” is her self-proclaimed right and expressed priority.  She thinks nothing of coming home bombed in the middle of the evening — panties missing, hair and makeup a mess, and too drunk or drugged out of her gourd to stand up. But if her man expresses concern or displeasure then he is the person who is behaving like an Abuser.

The money he makes is not for the family or his own. It’s hers to decide what to do with and what she wants to spend it on… her choice alone.

While the man and any children in the household must beg and plead with her for the most measly of allowance, she brags to all her friends and family about how she controls all the money everyone but herself will actually spend. While the men nearly kill themselves striving to bring home the bacon, the pig in lipstick thinks nothing about impulsively heading off on a buying spree at the mall or to book herself or the family on an expensive, unnecessary, and wholly for status-seeking showy vacations.

Humiliating their mates and their children in front of others gives the toxic and abusive female a great sense of personal delight and satisfaction. Men will be made to look like fools and children will be forced to compete with siblings as well as with other people’s children for the social approval and affection of the toxic female parent.

Ridiculing people in front of others with an intent to make their mark of the day or their preferred scapegoat target look and feel like an absolute fool is one of her favorite sports. If you get too upset and confront her, she is likely to offer you make up sex in the hopes that the trauma bond biological mechanism will be stronger and ultimately can defeat your own intellect.

Humiliating other human beings or causing them harm excites her on an obvious physical level. The more somatic she is the more likely she is to compete socially as well as sexually with perceived rivals — people who in most cases she hates because they are smarter, wealthier, better liked by other people in general, or who she hates and simultaneously fears for being more physically attractive or “sexy” than her.

During sex she tends to demean and humiliate to excite herself, getting turned on making her lovers grovel and beg for it. Why? Because she is sick… and she only chooses mates who find being treated like a submissive worm sexually attractive and exciting to be with.

The abusive woman is incredibly and irrationally talionic. They will get even for every real or imagined slight.

No good deed goes unpunished around a woman with a Cluster B personality type. Every effort you make to please her will ultimately be rejected, devalued, ignored, or ruthlessly rather than constructively criticized.

There is literally no way to win in a conversation with her because her idea of winning is to have only her voice heard, understood, and her own egocentric needs are all that matters to her. Getting to know her mate’s opinion or to know her own child better is the last thing on her mind at any time. She expects compliance, complicit backing and enabling of her abusive behavior, and absolute penitence to her at all times.

Getting to know her mate’s opinion or to know her own child better is the last thing on her mind at any time. She expects compliance, complicit backing and enabling of her abusive behavior, and absolute allegiance to her at all times.  Her victims are forced to hide the abuse, always ready with a cover story to explain the neglect, emotional duress, an empty wallet, or a bruise.

Connect the Dots
How to show support for a stalking victim

She is likely to have an addictive personality type. Lacking the ability to self-regulate her on impulsive behaviors, she is likely to use and abuse alcohol, prescription or recreational drugs, to gamble, to shop compulsively, to hoard animals, to overbreed (having children to keep a mate on the financial as well as a socio-physical hook), to smoke, to engage in binge eating or binging and purging, to exercising compulsively and obsessing constantly about appearance, to have addictions to either stress eating or yo-yo dieting, and god help the mate and children of any woman who decides that she wants to start having plastic surgery.

Forget to get the car washed after you filled it up with gas? Expect her to accidentally break an irreplaceable sentimental item from your childhood.

The more self-entitled the woman believes she is, the more likely she is to destroy other people’s personal belongings, to throw them away without telling them or asking for permission, or to deliberately do something horrific like throwing belongings out in a yard, dousing them with debris and gasoline, and setting them on fire when and if she does not get her way in even the mildest of domestic arguments.

When she destroys your property or things like the relationships you care about,  seeing your pain causes her to feel intense amounts of ego satisfaction and pleasure.

Threatening to hurt you or the children or pets if you — her mate or child — fail to comply with her irrational need to control or for attention is her standard MO. , or does cause hurt (by hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting).

If you raise a hand in self-defense when she physically assaults you, look out. In her mind, she is allowed to do things to hurt you like:

  • hitting,
  • punching,
  • slapping,
  • swatting,
  • kicking,
  • scratching,
  • stabbing,
  • throwing objects at you,
  • hitting you with blunt or heavy objects,
  • spitting at you or in your face,
  • burning with things like pre-heated irons, hot pans, scalding water,  flat irons or curling irons,
  • spraying you with harmful substances likely to cause physical pain, eye damage, or cause the target to feel respiratory distress,
  • threatening with knives or other weapons like boards, bats, clubs, or guns,


  • biting

… and if you try to stop her, she will tell the police or social services not only did you aggress her, she was acting in self-defense.

Having a victim she assaulted arrested is her most common frivolous lawsuit defense. If she is smaller than her mate or children but is herself the violent social predator, the police are likely to have no record anywhere of her being the abuser but ample police reports filed by her based on making fraudulent claims that her targeted marks deserve criminal punishment.

When she uses a weapon against you (or threatens to maim or kill), believe she will. If she succeeds in physically harming you to the point that a rational person might think she is guilty of a crime against her child or partner she is likely to pitch a massive fit claiming loudly and brazenly about how she is the real victim. Her life is the ONLY life she truly believes has worth or matters.

When and if she forces you to have sex against your will, your performance is likely to be brutally criticized.  In that regard, being involved with her is a bit like life for the Preying Mantis males.

After sex for the purpose of mating, she rips their heads off and goes on about her own business of mothering children she treats like chattel — meaning personal property.

When she blames you for her violent outbursts, don’t be surprised. In her mind, she is willing to do or say whatever it takes to remain in total control of your mind.

By using a mix of verbal assault tactics, covert manipulations, fostering mistrust of others, displaying a propensity to engage in random acts of punitive aggression, and gaslighting not only her victim into believing that she is the best and they are beneath her status, but her role of Queen in her own mind is established.

Resist the urge to minimize her toxic behaviors. If children are exposed socially and physically to a Mommy Dearest figure, they tend to be severely traumatized, emotionally neglected, and learn that women (rather than Cluster B people) are the true source in life of everything painful that is psychologically real.

Boys raised by toxic and abusive mothers learn to hate, fear, mistrust, and loathe women. Most tend to grow up to behave like Misogynists.

Young women exposed to toxic females learn to imitate their behaviors. The most dangerous women groom their daughters to become copycat style, “mini-me” conformists. By doing so, they endanger every human being that their daughter is likely to come into contact with in the future.

Connect the Dots
Personality profile of Serial Stalkers

Raising mean girls who deceive men, harm other females for fun and sport, and who use their feminine wiles to literally get away with crimes of a truly deplorable moral nature is the number one goal of abusive women.

They strive to make themselves feel powerful by abusing the hospitality of others, believing only in the social, physical, financial, spiritual, psychological, and emotional destruction of others she is successful.

Winning at all cost in life is her motto and credo, with her number one goal to have complete social, psychological, emotional, and financial control of all her narcissistic supply sources.

Literally, the desire to make someone else LOSE so she can declare herself the public victor is the only desire driving her truly vengeful, socially competitive nature.  Expect to have no life of your own (past, present, or future) if you decide to make the social mistake of believing she loves you and actually MARRYING HER.

If you are interested in knowing how to spot an abusive female, one need look no further than to the social demeanor of her own family members. If they show signs of C-PTSD yet she is the person constantly blaming and shaming while playing the martyr, helping to ease the victim’s pain and keeping them safe becomes much easier.

Contact your local domestic violence shelter and have an exit strategy ready. While many facilities cater to women, there are shelters and various safe houses for men… even those who for safety reasons are forced to flee their female mate with the children.

Just be sure to be the first person to file the police report when and if she batters either her mate or her children. Having a neighbor — rather than a family member or close personal friend — provide witness testimony to the police when they arrive can help ensure the arrest record reflects if the woman was the instigator or was being violent.

All breakups with Cluster B people tend to end up classified as what’s known in legal circles as a “High Conflict Divorce”. It only takes one Cluster B person in the mix to cause it — not two to Tango as so many Abuse Enablers project there is… so be ready for it.

If you are caught in the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse and living under the thumb of a Cluster B female, it’s crucial to realize that the safest way to protect yourself legally and physically is to end social enmeshment. Read up on things like how to ask the court for a Guardian Ad Litem to help be a neutral advocate on behalf of the children, resist the urge to bad-mouth your mate, but do educate yourself about her personality type and be ready to follow safety advice for how to leave an abusive relationship.

Confronting her with the knowledge that she is Cluster B is likely to cause her to rage and attack. So do the smart thing: make mental note, strive to keep an abuse journal somewhere out of the house where she cannot get at it, and prepare to work closely with the GAL to ask them how to best cooperate with the court system in order to protect your legal right to co-parent or solo parent your kids.

If your abusive female has a wandering eye, expect her to have engaged in a series of dalliances when men YOU KNOW as well as with her social media contacts — sometimes setting up her own exit strategy to dump you if you ever catch on to her trick years in advance. Old lovers will become her new BFFs, co-workers will become “work husbands”, and guys who like her pics on social media will become potential sources of financial support as well as ego-boosting sexual entertainment, as will anyone she thinks she can trick into believing that she is the martyr and the victim who deserves saving.

The abusive female will strive to gaslight anyone she thinks she can trick into believing that she is the martyr and the victim who deserves saving from you (her innocent and loving mate), from her own life, and from her own dysfunctional family.

Run — don’t walk — to the nearest physical, social, or emotional exit when and if you notice red flags. Toxic thinking coupled with her abusive, violence-prone behaviors are incredibly serious physical as well as mental health warnings.

Post-breakup she is likely to develop something called Obsessed Ex Syndrome. Rooted in her deep need to dominate, she will let her desire for revenge over the idea of being rejected as a suitor (socially or romantically) to dominate her mind.

The best thing in the world any man married to one of these deranged harpies can hope for in life is she runs off with a woman or some other guy.  With any luck, he will have an even more abusive and controlling personality type than she, leaving her in the position of supporting a Wise Guy.

Plato's Stunt Double

DISCLOSURE: The author of this post is in no way offering professional advice or psychiatric counseling services. Please contact your local authorities IMMEDIATELY if you feel you are in danger. If you suspect your partner, a loved one, co-worker, or family member has a Cluster B personality disorder, contact your local victim's advocate or domestic violence shelter for more information about how to protect your rights legally and to discuss the potential benefits or dangers of electing to go "no contact" with your abuser(s). Due to the nature of this website's content, we prefer to keep our writer's names ANONYMOUS. Please contact directly to discuss content posted on this website, make special requests, or share your confidential story about Narcissistic Abuse with our staff writers. All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

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