“An Engulfing Mother is one whose Narcissistic Personality Disorder manifests itself in allowing no boundary to exist between herself and her daughter. She somehow views her daughter as being an extension of herself, rather than seeing her as a separate person.”
Malignant Narcissists who have children love nothing more than to have at least one “golden child” who can do no wrong in the family.
Hoping to create a carbon copy of themselves to play with and control like a doll, the child will feel safe, loved, and be pampered until such a time they stop playing mini-me and start developing a personality and free will of their own.
Their goal is to raise their favorite child as a perfect mini-me version of their narcissistic self. The child, clueless when the triangulation between themselves and other people like siblings and other neighborhood children begins, seeks only to please and comply with the toxic and obnoxious parent.
Narcissistic Mothers like Celebrity Narcissist Kris Kardashian tend to prefer to play dress-up dolls with daughters. If they have sons, a red-flag warning sign that the parent themselves has a personality disorder is when boys (especially those of different ages) are forced to dress alike. The whole twinning syndrome — especially when the children are not twins — is another narcissistic parent warning sign.
Narcissistic Fathers might force sensitive-natured children to wrestle or engage competitively in violent sports. They may demand a son join them on a hunting trip and demand they kill and slaughter animals while attempting to assuage parental need to hunt for fun and sport.
These red flags, when taken individually and out of context, are extremely easy warning signs to minimize. Paying careful attention to any child under the social, emotional, or physical influence of a Narcissist, Malignant Narcissist, or narcissistic person, in general, is crucial.
Look for signs of a personality disorder emerging in an affected child. Be seriously concerned if and when signs and the obvious physical affectations of C-PTSD form.
Whether a child is two years old or twenty-two when they finally figure out that their parent is abusing them with helicopter overparenting or neglecting them by underparenting, skills like teaching them how to be honest, show empathy or control their own behaviors, children of narcissistic parents have a general sense something is wrong with the situational dynamics that go on at home.
Healthy mother-daughter bonding seldom leaves room for jealousy, obsession, or competition. Yet, a Malignant Narcissist will ultimately grow to resent their mini-me copy when and if the youngster starts getting more social attention than mommy.
Not only does a toxic parent try to reclaim and re-do their youth by overwhelming a child with social cues that teach them to be social climbers, but they also invalidate the child’s core need to develop according to their own innate personality type.
A little girl who is prettier than her mother might be forced to attend tap, ballet, gymnastics, ice skating lessons, model, and Cotillion. [All activities are intended to teach poise and aesthetic perfection — not to truly socialize children with regard to skills development.] One not as pretty may be forced to do the same thing only be subjected to a Somatic Narcissist’s angry ridicule. In both instances, the parent is merely reliving their past in the hopes that by raising the perfect child in their image that they will be able to somehow self-correct their own flaws and bad decisions.
A young man raised by a Narcissistic father may have to endure hunting trips, fishing, football games, boxing lessons, karate, and anything involving learning how to do woodwork, outdoor property care, and mechanical or engineering work. All are terrific if they already have a flat affectation to their nature, are not “academically inclined”, and if they enjoy kinesthetic learning in general. But seriously… what happens to a little boy who loves to read, paint, draw, write, or care-take things like stuffed animals?
The trauma Narcissistic Fathers and older (damaged) sibling brothers or grandfathers do to young HSP children and Empathic children is unreal. Don’t let your son or daughter become a victim. Resist the urge to raise mini-me kids… but don’t sacrifice the bonding time involved in letting the child decide more things on their own.
If a child learns over time how to confidently and safely assert their own opinion — especially when it conflicts with a parent — the offspring can, on his or her own, learn to embrace having a self-confident nature. Without that, if and when they leave the nest, chances are their mate will have the same or similar personality type to their same-sex parent.