Love Fraud Valentines
Holidays and Birthdays, This Just In

Surviving Holiday PTSD related to Valentine’s Day

Does hearing ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’ sound more like an exclamation of a curse to your ears than an actual message meant to inspire feelings of emotional security when it comes to romance? You are likely to have been the victim of a Love Fraud predator — one who additionally specializes in a Narcissistic Abuse tactic known as the HOLIDAY SABOTAGE.

Love Fraud massacre happens when a person who you have decided to trust in the romantic arena uses a combination of gaslighting and actions motivated by an intent to deceive to win your affections and confidence in them romantically.

Men and women of any sexual orientation are capable of behaving like love fraud predators. The thing such people have in common is what is known as Cluster B affectations — if not full-blown comorbid Anti-Social and Narcissistic,  Machiavellian personality disorders (also known in self-help social circles as DARK TRIADS for brevity and conversational communication by gist).

The Holiday Saboteur is a specific type of person — one typically who has a Sadistic Voyeur streak. They are the kind of people who give terrible gifts to people on special events like Christmas or birthdays just so they can watch the gift receiver’s face while they struggle to show appreciation for something gifted that is clearly wildly inappropriate, intentionally disappointing, or deliberately but covertly insulting.

Love Fraud predators who are after romantic notches in their bedpost will oftentimes combine the Holiday Sabotage technique with some form of wildly abusive or ridiculous manufactured triangulation in order to really ratchet up the opportunity to have their targets trauma bond to them as controllers and emotional brainwashers in short order.

By choosing to cheat on a holiday, to fail to come home or to show up for a date on a special romantic memorial, annual event, or on a special holiday like Saint Valentine’s Day, the social predator — always seeking to be both in control of other people’s emotional psychology and to dominate their biopsychology simultaneously while making themselves the literal only possible focus of their targeted people’s attention, the socially aggressive vertical thinkers strive to net gain as much buck for their proverbial bang as their own scheming IQ minus EQ can muster.

The ruse goes like this…

The social predator will start by targeting a romantic acquisition for social capture and harness as a gaslit and easy to brainwash mark. They use mirroring techniques, overt gaslighting, and pretending to be everything the target claims to want or admire in another person romantically to the best of their ability. What they cannot mimic they ridicule to shame the target for esteeming whatever virtue or attribute in a romantic partner that person lacks.

Once the target is convinced that whatever sob story the predator tells them about past history, family matters, breakups, exes, and anyone estranged is true… typically after the predator has been successfully hiding things like legal records that validate not only are they gaslighting and overtly lying about their past but that they possess conscience of guilt for having mistreated other humans and past partners… the greater game of destroying their mark’s conception of reality and social confidence is afoot.

People who are expert level Love Fraud predators tend to scan a room to seek whatever face is the happiest, the most alive, the brightest eyed, the biggest smile, and the person most likely treating the greatest number of other human beings in a compassionate way — meaning openly and kindly. They look for the person most likely to grant faith and trust in others before the person has taken any step to earning such a position of social esteem and respect.

Connect the Dots
A Narcissist and a Sociopath walk into a bar

The Love Fraud predator chooses whoever they can get to believe things like…

“I’ve never told anyone about this before…”

“You are the first person I have ever…” [insert manipulative catchphrase here like “felt so close to” or “felt like I could trust” or “done this with”].

They seek to find people who will believe in deeply disturbing emotional stories without verifying. They launch manipulative smear campaigns about anyone who might tell the new targeted romantic partner (or social acquisition person they desire to use) in order to poison the well-meaning they badmouth the heck out of anyone who has actual first-person knowledge about their covert situationally abusive behaviors to the point if that person dares to speak up with a sense of duty to warn that they will be mobbed, disbelieved, and ruthlessly attacked for being liars or mentally deranged and out to get the predator… for the crime of seeking to protect whomever the previous love fraud victim or victims notice is actively and without accurate knowledge making a social choice to put themselves in danger.

All the Love Fraud predator needs to do is make a reference to an upcoming holiday like Valentine’s Day or a special event like an anniversary occasion to get the hopes of their targeted mark up about doing something special for the romantic holiday event together.

Now, with that said… here’s where understanding the personality type of the Cluster B Love Fraud actor comes more closely into play.

A Narcissist will make the holiday all about them. What you need, feel, or want will not matter. If you express any form of opinion reflecting anything other than your awe and admiration for them and how pleased you are to be functionally ignored and treated like furniture or a neglected pet… be mindful the tirading will be centered more than likely on how much YOU are a disappointment to THEM in general (especially related to the Holiday Sabotage event).

A Narcopath might give you an expensive gift — then take it away from you or break it if you do or say anything they decide to deem is deserving of wrath. Mood will play a big part in how they elect to make you feel terrible for not appreciating the terrible way they treat you enough.

A Malignant Narcissist with a Somatic Narcissist streak is likely to give romantic gifts to more than one person on the sly. They will hide what they are doing with other people if they are NPD without ASPD affectation — but if they are discovered the Malignant Narcissist will immediately seek to triangulate as well as to pit fight their acquired marks.

If Somatic Narcissists are publicly only with one romantic partner, expect them to either overspend to harm their partner in a sign of social dominance as well as of aggressive passive aggression. They might do something like use the wife’s credit card to buy an expensive gift like jewelry or a husband’s credit to buy a new car — when no vehicle is necessary and creates a massive financial burden (car payments, tax, title, tag fees, repairs, insurance).

Such actions (they claim) prove their love and social affection for a mate when in all actuality they bury the couple financially, leave less time for the couple to spend together because one or both will have to work harder to pay off the cost of the debt.

Connect the Dots
Enablers who overlook children's emotional needs Abuse by Proxy

Cerebral Narcissists are likely to engage in shaming whoever experiences sentimental, truly romantic, or any form of healthful emotion. They will be told the desire for emotional security and affection is something that makes the person aware of a healthful need of such things weak, “overly sensitive”, “too emotional”, and “needy”.

In reality, the Cerebral Narcissist claiming such gaslighting ad hominem remarks is showing nothing but their own nurtured lack of emotion. Their claims place them on a slippery slope toward freezing their own emotional psychology to the point that their IQ and lifestyle quality are likely to profoundly suffer.

Someone ASPD due to early childhood trauma exposure may have terrible memories of a holiday or not understand the difference between trauma bonding and actual love. As such, they may misread social cues wildly — projecting, making assumptions about other people’s feelings and needs without asking, and generally creating an atmosphere of social angst around the event.

ASPD people are the most likely to act out or to engage in socially predatory behaviors related to holidays — noting that their lack of care or concern for others and desire to control other people’s emotional psychology as well as their physical environment makes them typically far more likely to blurt hurtful words at loved ones during periods of stress.

Someone Dark Triad is likely to make special plans with you, hype the event, and then either to pull a no-show with no call or reasonable explanation or worse — to actually show up and do and say everything in their power to show non-stop displeasure during the special occasion or otherwise planned romantic holiday event.

Those with a sadistic streak a mile wide are likely to spend the date night or special holiday cheating on their partner — forcing their primary person being betrayed to feel emotions like terror they are MIA because they were hurt or the humiliation of knowing that their pledged romantic partner is not only a liar, an abuser, and a cheat but that they put another person’s romantic and social needs above the betrayed person’s in the most memorable and hurtful of all human ways possible.

Remember that one holiday when so and so did blah blah blah? Guess what… you will be forced by PTSD to think of that person every time you see a reminder that holiday is upcoming or it’s on the horizon.

Lucky you gets to relive the physical sensation of the social betrayal ever year after that until you figure out a way to heal the memory of the genetic and neurologically scarring trauma exposure while you strive to not let flashbacks destroy your biology and social psychology in the present.

It is the ultimate way to make themselves immortal — harming marks on special events so someone they harmed in the past will always remember how powerful they were over them as a person — fueling the Abuser’s grandiosity fantasies they are the most powerful human in that person’s memory physically and personally.

Realizing that stress — for someone Cluster B and socially competitive — and stress for someone who is emotionally intelligent are not the same things physically is key to surviving romantic betrayals like the Holiday Sabotage on St. Valentine’s Day.

A person who is collaborative wants to be with someone or other people. Seek the support of a community that is healthy (not prone to enabling abusers) if this describes you. Make plans to attend a pro-social event for any holiday gathering on your own… and schedule holiday celebrations on any day OTHER than the actual day with anyone prone to sabotaging holidays or to upsetting you.

Connect the Dots
Can Narcissism or NPD in narcissistic people be cured?

A person who is socially competitive will worry about what other people are doing and what other people are thinking to try to compete with them to outdo them. Someone collaborative who understands that symbolism and traditions — showing tokens of affection, for example, for a love interest is meant to make people feel closer to one another… not looking outside except to get a general idea of a format of appropriate social behavior to follow.

Is it wrong for a woman to enjoy a bouquet of flowers and a box of candy given to them as a sign of romantic affection by a lover? No.

Is it wrong for her to be angry if a holiday event is known in advance and she is ignored? No.

Is it wrong for her to be furious that her girlfriend at work’s sister’s husband bought her a new car and a 5-carat diamond ring and all she got was a teddy bear and a loving man who took the time to buy special groceries and to make her a nice dinner in the hopes of spending a romantic evening with her? Absofreakinglutely.

Is it wrong for a man to enjoy heading outside on sunny weekend afternoon to light up the grill and to spend the day poking meat being cooked over a hot fire on a grate with a stick? Should he be ridiculed every time he heads out to the garage or runs to the local Lowe’s, Ace Hardware, or some form of HOMEY DEPOT?

Men who ridicule women for needing signs of affection… while they assert a need for time acting like men… make no logical social or romantic sense.

Passively ridiculing the need to notice things like Valentine’s Holidays in the United States or anniversary dates (no matter what country or human culture you are from) is Narcissistic Abuse using words and shaming of emotional intelligence to harm.

People who enjoy romantic liaisons on a regular basis with their partner and quality social time with one another live longer, tend to be happier, and are far more physically healthy than single or cantankerous counterparts.

Absent Love Fraud trauma exposure themselves, someone ASPD who is emotionally flatlined might be prone to undervaluing things like the health benefits of emotional security and physical closeness. But they can be properly intellectually socialized and taught to emulate healthful behaviors for the sake of their partner’s happiness and health.

Predators who engage in Love Fraud games as a habit — serial cheaters, domestic abusers, and or Dark Triads in general — are unlikely to bother to socialize themselves for the sake of achieving functional peace and unity in a romantic relationship, marriage, or family home with them at the helm. Instead, each holiday will be treated like some form of opportunity for grandstanding holiday sabotage competitions.

If Cupid got knocked out of the sky by your love interest this year or any other in the past, understand you are not alone, it was not your fault you got conned into believing they were a person of character, and that reading up on the tactics of Love Fraud predators this Saint Valentine’s Day should help you re-find your moral compass and to get yourself out.

Plato's Stunt Double

DISCLOSURE: The author of this post is in no way offering professional advice or psychiatric counseling services. Please contact your local authorities IMMEDIATELY if you feel you are in danger. If you suspect your partner, a loved one, co-worker, or family member has a Cluster B personality disorder, contact your local victim's advocate or domestic violence shelter for more information about how to protect your rights legally and to discuss the potential benefits or dangers of electing to go "no contact" with your abuser(s). Due to the nature of this website's content, we prefer to keep our writer's names ANONYMOUS. Please contact directly to discuss content posted on this website, make special requests, or share your confidential story about Narcissistic Abuse with our staff writers. All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

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